Talk:Ion Croitoru

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Good article Ion Croitoru has been listed as one of the Everyday life good articles under the good article criteria. If you can improve it further, please do. If it no longer meets these criteria, you can delist it, or ask for a reassessment.
March 29, 2008 Good article nominee Listed
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Good article GA This article has been rated as GA-Class on the quality scale.
Low This article has been rated as Low-importance on the importance scale.

Contents

[edit] GA Review

Here are some corrections that could be made.

[edit] Later career

"Bulba was pushed for a run with the belt, however, defeating Mickey Doyle on January 21, 1995 to win the vacant title."

Shouldn't you use his real name? This occurs several times in the article. I don't know what the guidelines for that are.

In professional wrestling articles, the characters (eg. Taras Bulba) are the ones who win the titles. Generally, it is introduced that the person (Croitoru) played the character of the wrestler (Bulba), and subsequent mentions of what happened in that promotion are written with the ring name. GaryColemanFan (talk) 17:27, 27 March 2008 (UTC)

"He then competed briefly in Cleveland All Pro Wrestling. He wrestled against Cactus Jack in a booked loss on March 23."

These two sentences are kind of short, they can probably be merged with other sentences.

Y Done Combined sentences. GaryColemanFan (talk) 19:47, 27 March 2008 (UTC)

"He wrestled for Insane Championship Wrestling (ICW) for a short time in 1996."

Again, the sentence is short and interrupts the flow. Also, try to do something with the red link.

Y Done I expanded the sentence and fixed the red link. GaryColemanFan (talk) 19:47, 27 March 2008 (UTC)

"Most recently, Croitoru wrestled in Cambridge, Ontario-based International Championship Wrestling."

Is this supposed to be there? What time are you referring to with "most recently"?

I meant that the promotion for which he wrestled most recently is ICW. He hasn't wrestled anywhere else since, so I couldn't think of another way to say this. I don't know for a fact that he's retired, so I wanted to leave it a little open-ended rather than assuming he will never wrestle again. I am open to changing this, however. GaryColemanFan (talk) 17:27, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
Maybe you should include a date ("Most recently, in XXXX").

[edit] Murder accusations

"Gravelle is suing for $25 million, and Croitoru is seeking $15 million for wrongful imprisonment and malicious prosecution."

Should this sentence be in present tense?

The lawsuits are still open, so I thought saying "Gravelle sued for $25 million" would leave readers wondering how it turned out. I suppose I could change it to "Gravelle filed a lawsuit for $25 million" if you think that would be better. GaryColemanFan (talk) 17:29, 27 March 2008 (UTC)

[edit] Personal life

This section is rather short, expansion is probably needed.

Unfortunately, as with many professional wrestlers, very little is known about their personal lives. I spent a couple of weeks looking through everything I could find about him, and this is everything I could come up with. Most of what is known about his personal life is already stated in the "Legal troubles" section. GaryColemanFan (talk) 17:16, 27 March 2008 (UTC)

[edit] References

Maybe this is just a personal preference, but the references make the article rather long. Maybe you should use the {{reflist|2}} template to make them into columns.

I made the reference text smaller. I've never seen an article with columns in the references, though. Shawn Michaels, which is a Good Article, uses one column even though it has over 200 references. GaryColemanFan (talk) 19:47, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
Michael's article actually has three columns, which looks scrunched up and is hard to read in my opinion. Actually, I'd say most of the wrestling-related GAs have two columns, at least all the ones that I've worked on do. Nikki311 23:38, 27 March 2008 (UTC)
Never mind. Apparrently, columns in reference sections just don't appear properly in Internet Explorer. I (think that I) have made columns in the reference section on this article. GaryColemanFan (talk) 00:49, 28 March 2008 (UTC)
Yep. You fixed it. Nikki311 00:56, 28 March 2008 (UTC)

Noble Story (talk) 14:00, 27 March 2008 (UTC)

Thank you for offering to review the article. I appreciate your suggestions, and I hope you don't mind me disagreeing in a couple of places. Please let me know what you think about my comments and let me know of anything else that should be fixed. Best wishes, GaryColemanFan (talk) 19:47, 27 March 2008 (UTC)

[edit] Some More Things

"His biggest match in the WWF was a televised match against Hulk Hogan. After leaving the WWF, he wrestled on a tour of Japan for New Japan Pro Wrestling. He later returned to Japan to compete for Frontier Martial-Arts Wrestling and Wrestle Association R."

These are all relatively short sentences. They could be improved to make things more smooth.

Y Done GaryColemanFan (talk) 16:55, 28 March 2008 (UTC)


"That year, he wrestled many tag team and six-man matches while teaming with Cornette.

I'm not sure if you wanted me to do anything about this sentence.

Bedlam was booked for one title reign during his stint in SMW. He won a match against Mike Furnas on April 4, 1994 to win the SMW Beat the Champ Television Championship."

Again, these sentences seem rather choppy.

Y Done GaryColemanFan (talk) 16:55, 28 March 2008 (UTC)

"Most recently, Croitoru wrestled in Cambridge, Ontario-based International Championship Wrestling. He held the ICW Heavyweight Championship after defeating Greg Valentine. Bedlam used heel tactics while feuding with Valentine, using brass knuckles to defend the title."

See above comments.

I haven't been able to find any exact dates for this. It seems as though he was probably in ICW from about 1995-1999. I changed it to "In the late 1990s, Croitoru wrestled in Cambridge..." Does that work?
Actually, I should have said that these sentences are rather choppy.
I rephrased these so that they flow better. Please let me know what you think. GaryColemanFan (talk) 05:47, 29 March 2008 (UTC)

"Croitoru has a history of run-ins with the police."

This statement is rather obvious, so it could probably be removed.

Because it begins the section, I believe that it is important to have an introductory sentence rather than just launching into a list of arrests.

"The bomb caused $133,000 in damages to the Sudbury, Ontario police station and a nearby bank.[27] A police officer was also injured in the attack."

It seems these two sentences can be combined.

Y Done GaryColemanFan (talk) 16:55, 28 March 2008 (UTC)

"Croitoru got in a fight in Hamilton with another former Satan's Choice member on January 13, 1998 and was arrested again. A police officer saw Croitoru punch the other man in the face and arrested Croitoru for assault."

The second sentence is somewhat redundant. Maybe try something like "and was arrested again, after a police officer..."

Y Done GaryColemanFan (talk) 16:55, 28 March 2008 (UTC)

"Croitoru was also charged with carrying a concealed weapon and breaking the conditions of his release following the police station bombing. He was also charged with extortion for an unrelated incident."

Two consecutive uses of "also" does not sound very good. Try using another word, or combining the sentences.

Y Done GaryColemanFan (talk) 16:55, 28 March 2008 (UTC)

"He was arrested on December 2, 2005 for violating his bail terms, and police filed another charge against him for extortion at this time."

"For extortion at this time" sound rather awkward.

Y Done GaryColemanFan (talk) 16:55, 28 March 2008 (UTC)

[edit] Final GA Review

  1. Is it reasonably well written?
    A. Prose quality:
    B. MoS compliance:
  2. Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
    A. References to sources:
    B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:
    C. No original research:
  3. Is it broad in its coverage?
    A. Major aspects:
    B. Focused:
  4. Is it neutral?
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. Is it stable?
    No edit wars, etc:
  6. Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
    A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
    B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
    There are no images, but I can live with that, as it's not required to pass GA.
  7. Overall:
    Pass or Fail:

After all my concerns have been addressed, I pronounce this a Good Article. Congratulations. Noble Story (talk) 06:07, 29 March 2008 (UTC)