I Can Do Without You
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A song performed by Doris Day and Howard Keel in the 1953 movie Calamity Jane.
Doris Day played the lead in the movie as Calamity, while Howard Keel played her nemesis and eventual love interest Bill Hickok.
The song proceed from a scene where Calamity was thrown off course by an apparent praise from Hickok after she had promised to bring the actress Adelaide Adams from Chicago to Deadwood City. It turned out that Hickok was being sarcastic and he trusted her "about as much as I do a blind rattle snake with a new button on its tail.
The Lyrics
Calamity:
In the summer you're the winter
In the finger, you're the splinter
In the banquette, you're the stew, say
I can do without you
[Hickok grabbed her around]
Hickok:
In the Garden, you're the golfer
In the Levi, you're the loafer
Like an overturned canoe, well
I can do without you
Calamity:
You can go to...Philadelphia
Take a hack to Hackensack, hey
I'll never ring a bell for ya
Or yell for ya to come back
Hickok:
In the question, you're the why
In the oilment, you're the fly
[Calamity grabbed Hickok's arm]
Calamity:
Though I know something are indispensable
Like a buck or two
If there's one thing I can do without
I can do without you
Hickok:
In a barrel, you're a pickle
In a gold mine, you're a nickel
You're the tack inside my shoe, yeah
I can do without you
Calamity:
In my bosom you're a dagger
You're a maggee carpet bagger
In the theatre, you're the boo
I can do without you
Hickok:
You've got charm that aint that aint be what you need
You have a face that no one would paint
Calamity:
I've got the thirty-six (?) to me, to be wherever you aint
Hickok:
In a bullfrog you're the croak
Calamity:
In the forest poison oak
Hickok:
Though I know something are necessary, my hat, my buckleroo
If there's one thing I can without, I can do without you
Calamity:
You're a knothead
Hickok:
You're a fake
Calamity:
You're a bonehead
Hickok:
Trouble-maker
[Both take their guns out and glare at each other]
Calamity + Hickok:
I can without you