I-statement

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An I-statement is a statement that begins with the word "I". It is frequently used in an attempt to be assertive without putting the listener on the defensive. It can be used to take ownership for one's feelings rather than saying they are caused by the other person. An example of this would be saying, "I feel angry when you make fun of my clothes, and I would prefer that you stop doing that." rather than "Quit saying that crap, you're really making me mad!" (The latter is an example of a "you-statement.")[1]

I-statement can also be used in constructive criticism; for instance, one might say, "I had to read that section of your paper three times before I understood it," rather than, "This section is worded in a really confusing way," or "You need to learn how to word a paper more clearly." The former comment leaves open the possibility that the fault lies with the giver of the criticism. According to the Conflict Resolution Network, I-statements are a dispute resolution conversation opener that can be used to state how one sees things and how one would like things to be, without using inflaming language[2]

[edit] I-statement construction

According to Culture Change in Practice, an I-statement has four parts:[3]

  1. “I feel____” (taking responsibility for one's own feelings)
  2. “when you_____” (stating the behavior that is a problem)
  3. “because____” (what it is about the behavior or its consequences that one objects to)
  4. “I’d appreciate it if you would_____” (offering a preferred alternative to the behavior)

According to Hope E. Morrow, a common pitfalls in I-statement construction is using phrases like "I feel that..." or "I like that..." which typically express an opinion or judgment. Morrow favors following "I feel..." with a feeling such as "sad," "angry," etc.[4]

[edit] See also

[edit] References

  1. ^ "I" Statements not "You" Statements, International Online Training Program On Intractable Conflict, Conflict Research Consortium, University of Colorado, USA
  2. ^ When to Use I Statements.
  3. ^ The "I" Statement, Culture Change in Practice, Jan. 30, 2007.
  4. ^ Constructing I-Statements, Hope E. Morrow, MA, MFT, CTS, 1998.
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