Ham Radio (Frasier)

Frasier decides to re-create a radio murder mystery, Nightmare Inn for KACL's 50th anniversary. As such, he appoints himself as director and narrator and allows his KACL colleagues to have the other roles given. These include Gil's role of a guest called Nigel Fairservice, who we are told was forced out of the army under mysterious circumstances (Roz remarks that his playing of the character will make it seem less mysterious, a reference to Gil's perceived homosexuality), with which Gil gleefully comments throughout the episode about his favourite line of dialogue (a monologue, as he dies, reminiscing about "my boyhood in Surrey, romping with my schoolchums in the fens and spinneys, where the twilight bathed the hedgerows like a lambent flame"); Roz as the landlady Mrs Thorndyke and Bulldog as the silk merchant, Mr. Wing.

Frasier also hires a voice actor called Mel White (named as an homage to Mel Blanc) to play several minor parts, but finds faults with each of his renditions - his German accent sounded Austrian, his dwarf too tall, and his Irishman too Protestant, for example. The actor storms out, leaving Niles to step in (without the benefit of rehearsal).

On the evening of the performance, problems arise when Roz's emergency dental work as of showtime (the novocaine hadn't worn off) leaves her dialogue unintelligible. Additional problems include Bulldog having a severe case of stage fright, Niles being given six different roles (with six completely different accents) unrehearsed and Bulldog's dyslexic girlfriend struggling to learn her sole line ("look out! He's got a nug!") Gil becomes annoyed with Frasier when told that his line has to be cut from the show due to time constraints, but Gil is determined to get it in regardless. After being cut off the first time, he introduces an otherwise-unheard-of brother, Cedric, who begins to say the same things before he, like Nigel, is 'shot.' After Frasier informs the audience that there are no more Fairservice men alive, Gil tries to bring in an ice cream man (after Noel plays an incorrect sound effect) who claims to be a friend of Nigel's to deliver the same speech, but he is also shot. At this point Daphne, who is listening to the live broadcast at home, comments that it is "turning into a bloodbath".

Not surprisingly, a disastrous performance is the inevitable result. This is confirmed when Niles, fed up of Frasier's constant direction, kills off the remaining characters just to spite him.

[edit] Episode Title Cards

Ham Radio

[edit] Memorable quotes

Frasier : (in a spooky voice) Nightmare Inn.

Martin : Oh, don't tell me, I know. A bunch of people get caught in a storm and everyone's wondering who's gonna be the first one murdered.
Frasier : Exactly. And I'm going to direct.
Niles : So we can stop wondering.

Frasier : Does she have any experience?

Bulldog : Are you kidding? If she had a dollar for every minute she spent on the stage ... Oh, wait a minute, she does.

Roz's mouth is still numb from her previous dentist's appointment.

Roz : I can't believe that any of my guests could be a mobboba mobbobo [multiple murderer].
Frasier : (reluctantly sticking to the script) That's easy for you to say.

Niles has had enough of Frasier's direction.

Niles: (angry) That's it! I'm just going to take this gun off the table. (takes balloons and bursts one) Sorry about that, O'Toole, I guess we'll never hear your fascinating piece of the puzzle. (two shots) Or yours, Kragen and Peppo! Could the McAllister sisters stand back to back, I'm short on bullets! (shot) Thank you! What was your name again, dear?
Roz: Miphif [Mrs] Thorndike.
Niles: Thank you. (shot) Ah, and also Mr. Wing. (shot, with bell fading) And of course, one final bullet for myself so the mystery will die with me. (shot) Ah...
(The cast walks away from Frasier, backs turned to him.)
Frasier: (unsteady) Well then, that pretty much wrapped things up! Hans was a mass murderer, who to the surprise of everyone, the case was closed. And with a grateful shudder, I swore I never would return to Nightmare Inn.

Maxine is dyslexic.

Maxine: Look out, he's got a nug!

[edit] Notes

The character actor that Frasier hires to do voices for the show is named Mel White. This is a reference to legendary voice actor Mel Blanc. "Blanc" is the French word for white. Blanc was best known for providing the definitive voices of Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig and Barney Rubble, among hundreds of others. He became known as "The Man of a Thousand Voices."