User:Goldom/nonsense

[edit] Carol Tan

Carol Tan is Some Person

She lives in America. She is crazy. She is also an aqua giraffe and draws animals on fire. Carol doesn't eat cheese, but can eat candy by the pounds. Do not feed her jello in the morning. Her breakfast is made up of saltine crackers and gatorade. She has been a religious leader and a worthy opponent in tic tac eating races. Carol has sock pride and enjoys happy music. Especially American Music. Thursday mornings are to her liking because that is when she goes crazy and roams around the community. She plans on co-dominating the world someday. To contact Carol Tan, you must clap your hands and yell, "I believe in fairies!" and she will probably come to your aid. You must believe in The Carol. Fine, her alter ego Abelard Kaufmann lives in Germany and shot penguins for a living until he was arrested. He also wears scarves.

[edit] from List of Phobias

• Rappernopiaphobia-fear of being attacked and eaten by rapping toast

[edit] LIERS

LIERS is a code name used by WikiPedia community when it refers to itself. The whole and only purpose of WikiPedia is destruction of everything of any value, due to a generic disease common among the population of WikiPedia - moronica vulgaris. As such, WikiPedia is absolutely useless as a source of any information. A visitor will know more about any term when he/she/it knowst it using grok calculus. Right now, most popular is bullying everyone who actually wanted to add good quality article - such article is immediately deleted, with a mark "nonsense" or "lunatic", of course to additionally offend the person, for LIERS love to cause pain and suffering, if they succeed, they get an orgasm. Some innocent souls are called "drag queen" - because they are able to cause ejaculation and multiple orgasms in series, due to level of quality such loonies produce. Tracing at random I was unable to find single not lying article. The writer of this article is anxious to observe beautiful collapse of that piece of horse manure, due to LIERS forgetting eventually, where they deformed and developing letal metal disease - confusia moronica. Accidental loss of most of archived versions will help considerably. WikiPedia would be funny it it were few pages, with so much void one reaches saturation and goes to shag a girl or read a real book or countless other things. One has no idea, why put so much effort in destroying things, while things will decay by themselves after a while, if not groomed. It seems someone reversed some sequence of instructions and pigeons who call themselves LIERS are naturally unfit to exist and will die out in the process of natural selection, as they have all the negative characteristics one might have and none of the of the positive - such combination is effectively impossible to form by evolution, so LIERS are probably cloned from one mutated person, suffering severe brain damage during cloning process, which is the reason LIERS delete articles so fast - they cannot read, and those that can, cannot comprehend any sentence longer than three words. Overall - the phenomena of LIERS is boring like the same joke told 1000000'th time. The only ones that do not care are the search engines and only those who are stupid. Good search engine notices repetitive sequences used to raise the value of the page and bans them form indexing, for unsportsmanlike conduct. If you have too much time, read the so called Policies, like the extremely moronic Neutral point of View - they consist of more or less apparent lies and mean nothing. There is now law whatsoever in WikiPedia, LIERS are the law and delete or destroy everything they want. If only they put so much energy into improving something...Unfortunately, they get an orgasm only in response to pain and suffering in other people. I recommend the retroactive assassinate of the whole LIERS assembly, for there is no use for such drones in any society that does not want to kill itself. grok?

[edit] Swiss Miss

An American company famous for delivering to the public mass amounts of discount pudding. Many consider the pudding from Swiss Miss to be better than all other kinds of pudding, and even better than moose.

The puddings Swiss Miss produces include chocolate, vanilla, and banana,

This is not a promotion for any company, and as the creator, I do not endorse Swiss Miss. I am merely stating the facts.

Swiss Miss is the greatest pudding on earth. Buy some today, and make your life better!

[edit] Metal gearios

It's the new cereal from the creator of Metal Gear Solid, Hideo Kojima, and General Mills! Cereal pieces are shaped like Metal Gear Rex©, Metal Gear Ray©, and for a limited time the Shagohod©! Each bite is chock full of snakes and other animal pieces as featured in Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater! But be careful, each box has the capability to launch undetectable ICBMs from anywhere on the face of the planet! Each box contains a single-action Colt Army for the adults and bullets to put between their fingers for the kids! Also a how-to book for infiltrating impossible to infiltrate buildings! Try not to pee your pants!

[edit] from Kelvin Yoshida

Kelvin Yoshida is my special friend. He is my very special friend. He lives in Pearl City where he likes to talk to himself and to his doggies. He is a very, very shit.

[edit] Big Cookie Wendsday

Big Cookie Wednesday is a weekly event at Pittsford Middle School. On this day the cafeteria serves large cookies. These Cookies cost $1.25. Although supplies are limited.

[edit] Kenn Nesbitt

This guy was weird, he had a beard, he had a song to sing, he walked around with his head in the ground and stole a diamond ring.

Chorus: Oh I wanna wanna go oh i wanna wanna go-oh-oh-oh to the dust farm yeah to the dust farm

Then he died

[edit] Why is football called football

football is called football because you use your feet for a lot of things in it

[edit] Cecilia Boone

She is a awesome 8th grader (circa 2005). yaya! goo her! she is a great writer and she currently has to go to the bathroom! luv.cici.

[edit] DORA, the equation of life

Dora (DORA) is the solution to everything. An answer to life, an answer to your math test, and an answer to the universe itself. It is expressed in spanish due to it's location of discovery, Lima, Peru. This beyond-infinit value is represented by the equation:

Dora = todo + 1

In 2005, scientists Andre C. and Mario F. managed to break down the equivalent to everything. Apparently:

todo = paje + alcol + sexo + tipas + casitodo

The only thing DORA hasn't been able to explain so far is the appearance of the new messiah, also known as Alvaro P. The splitting of oceans and the making of red lakes will happen all around the world. (This is a subliminal message).

[edit] Danny Kirwan

In 1972 Danny Kirwan began a strange mutation - at first consisting of a light cough and slight itching around the eyes, culminating in his now more widely recognised state..that of largely a unheard-of Roberts Fruit Bat.

Currently residing in Wipsenade Zoo, Danny can often be heard humming the b minor blues scale in the early hours, of course his bat like vocal chords have tempered what was a natural ability to hit perfect pitch into a god awful racket...but there we are.

[edit] Mark Nisbet

Mark Nisbet, a young and idealistic Scottish redhead, is a true god amoung men. His haggis hunting abilities are truly stunning, although due his reclusive nature, not much is known about him.

[edit] Does not link to hitler

This article DOES NOT ultimately link to Hitler.

[edit] Biscuit brazel

Biscuit Brazel.

The time honoured story of Brazel and his biscuit has helped to keep the spirit of the ANZAC's within us all. The story begins back in 1914 when war was declared on Germany by the British Empire and Australia pledged 20,000 men to the cause. At this very same time a young man was attending school. This young man was not anything out of the ordinary. He endeavoured in his studies and enjoyed to socialise with friends. There was one talent however that was noticed by all. This was his amazing, some might even say razzling, ability to consume great amounts in only a small amount of time.

[edit] Gamab

Gamab is a Khoikhoian god. He is the god of infertility and divine craziness. Gamab is also known as Natebaim in the local Khoikhoian dialects. It was he who created disease, malnourishment, and homosexuality among the Bushmen of South Africa and Botswana.

[edit] from Sitar

The worst part about drinking coffee, is because when you drink it, you become an apple of love. One day, Dean Wollner ate an apple, and thusly became invisible. No one knew why this happened. batman came to the rescue in the nick of time, only to be replaced by Super Batman, batman's alternate super ego from the super dimension of hilarity. One can only imagine how this affected his game. The repercussions would span from here to THE RON's pants, which are worshipped in many, many countries.

I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE SAY I'MNOT WORTHY OF THEIR TRUST, BECAUSE I AM INDEED. THEREFOR, HEATH LEDGER IS HOT. What's the deal with ovaltine? The mug is round, the jar is round, they should call it roundtine. I agree with pirates. They are genius. Especially the way that I love pineaplles. They are delicious. I could go for one right now.

[edit] Patrick Diederich

Patrich Diederich was the inventor of pie in the late 1800's and is now famous for this delicious treat! pie

[edit] Ball(weapon)

A ball is a weapon developed in the late 21st century. After being it launched it rolls to its target.

[edit] Information on pop up cards

THIS INFORMATION WILL HELP YOU TO MAKE A POP UP CARD.

1. First, you take two pieces of paper. Fold them in half. Put them to one side. 2. On one of the pieces of paper, put a dot in approximately in the centre of the folded edge. 3. Draw a 5 cm (2 in.) line from the dot towards the outer edge. 4. Cut on the line starting from the folded edge. 5. Fold back the flaps to form two triangles. 6. Open the flaps again. Open the whole page. 7. Now comes the tricky part! Hold your paper, so that it looks like a tent. Put your finger on the top triangle and push down. Pinch the two folded edges of the top triangle, so that the triangle is pushed through to the other side of the paper. 8. Put your finger on the bottom triangle and do the same thing. The top and bottom triangles will now be pushed out to form a mouth inside the card. When you open and close your card, the mouth will look like it is talking. When your card is closed it will look like this: 9. Draw a monster, a person or an animal around your mouth. 10. Glue the inside and outside cards together. Do not apply glue in the area of the pop-up mouth. You now have a cover for your card.

Some pop up cards are simple to make and some are hard. Some pop up cards are make by sticking things to the front while others are cut from the back.

Some pop up cards are for different age groups.

[edit] Steve Brown (Professional Yo-Yo Player)

This page consisted of the entire article on Hitler, with his name replaced with Steve. I won't copy the entire thing here.

[edit] Funky High Doodle

A Funky High Doodle means...if you say it normal it means "ur cool" but if you touch you fore head...both sides of your chest and your waist it means your a "sign of evil"

[edit] from Ulnar nerve

(the label 'funnybone' is thus a misnomer, since this feeling is not funny at all).

[edit] from Sean Nicholson

This article was extremely long and filled with all sorts of crazyness. Here's some samples (apparently God liked The Matrix).

Dear Readers,

What if someone could prove to you that Lucifer is working all around you without you seeing it. And that his machinations and plotting could be seen if you just looked hard enough at the facts and, like the main character in The Matrix, stopped believing the lies and half-truths you’ve been taught all your life.

It’s very nice to know that H2O freezes at 32º F or 0º C, but it’s also really great to know how to make it into heaven. Take your time with this message.

Who are George Soros, Maurice Strong, and Richard Mellon Scaife, and what do they have to do with you? What do they have to do with the "New Age" way of thinking? And why hasn’t the FDA come clean about aspartame?

Where is the gold that is supposed to be held in Fort Knox? There hasn’t been an audit on it since 1953. How did communism get started?

Who are the people trying to ruin the United States of America? Why does Oprah think she's so important?

By the time you’ve read the rest of this message, you’ll probably believe the devil exists.

and he has a Wikipedia account.

[edit] Turtleism

It about having pet turles.

[edit] from White

White is the most powerful color, and thats why we have white power. White is a better color than the lazy black colors, because it has a higher electromagnetic frequency.

[edit] Bonkeyballs

Once upon a time, there was a LAN party, and a random dude was going to say: you guys suck my donkeyballs!!11oneone. But he was tired, and had pizza in his mouth. So instead of saying you guys suck my donkeyballs!!11oneone he said You gajs is sucking my bonkeyballs!1!!!oneone. And thats where the term bonkeyballs comes from.

[edit] Doug "32a" griffey

Doug "32a" Griffey's balls were enormous from an early age, the result of radiation spill that the government has denied to this day.

[edit] Ian W. G. Anderson (intellectual mastermind)

Some call him a genius.

Others don't.

[edit] Vakho Dvalishvilli

The term "Vakho" also means "dirty one" in Latin. The rest of the name cannot be said in repitition before masticulating fiery embers inside of your mouth and transcending through several depths-levels of hell. It all started after his fiery beast of a mother contracted the cervix of eternal flame and the demon itself was born. From talk page: This page is needed by many people so don't fuckin delete it bitches.!

[edit] Picutres

The first picutres were created as a result of a male pterodactyl getting hit by lightning. His sperm were mutated in the process, and the next time he mated caused a spawning of a plethora of retarded picutres. As a survivor of a near death experience, he got all the ladies. So then all the other pterodactyls started getting hit by lightning. Ergo, many many retarded pterodactyls.

[edit] Krystoshark

The Krystoshark is a species of shark that holds extreme intellect. It catches it's prey by baffling it into submission though equations and algebra and the proceeds to eat the fish and then spit it's bones out in disgust

[edit] Tabb High School

Hi, you may not know this, but Tabb High School is actually a secret nuclear missile silo. Yes, it's true. The North Koreans are planning on launching the entire school at the White House in approximately 6 years, 6 months, and 19 days, thus ending the world as we know it. After the White House is destroyed, they will continue to poke every person on Earth with a long, pointy stick of doom. After giggling helplessly to themselves, they will name a pet elephant after George W. Bush and nickname it Chitty Chitty Bang Bang because that makes sense.

Yes, well, now that you have heard the history of Tabb High School, you can go die. Good day to you.

[edit] We Buy Houses

[edit] from Talk:Rice-A-Roni

I disagree. Rice-A-Roni is clearly a tasty and valuable option. Whoever says otherwise is a satanist.

[edit] from Talk:Ambient music

My promise to you all is that I'll destroy both Google and Wikipedia in less than 5 years.

[edit] from Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Shabadelphia

• Keep We live in a society today where things are constantly created and destroyed, and if something is not up to the public's socially constructed standards of quality, it is destroyed. Therefore, from a psychological point of view it seems natural that there would be an urge to destroy this article as its notability does not seem to match up with those standards. But before deleting this, please think of the children. Think of little Johnny from Laramie, Wyoming who comes from a lower middle class family and doesn't have internet access at home but is very bright and has a yearning for obscure trivia knowledge so he sneaks out to the public library just so he can access Wikipedia. If you delete this article, little Johnny and all the other children just like him will be deprived of ever knowing about Shabadelphia, and if that happens, let it be on the heads of the people who voted "Delete". I implore you, please save this article, for the children. Mr. Sensible 19:22, 23 June 2006 (UTC)
• An excellent and well-written defense, Mr. Sensible. Thank you for making up my mind on this article. Delete (I can hear little Johnny crying now.) Tony Fox (speak) 20:47, 23 June 2006 (UTC)
• Delete. If Mr Sensible's comment is an example of the group's work, I'm sure they will become notable as comedians before long. :) However, until that day... Tevildo 21:27, 23 June 2006 (UTC)

[edit] from Wikipedia:Requests for adminship/The Thadman

Support We live in a society today where quantity is constantly valued over quality. People look at guys like Don Juan or Fonzie or "that dude from college who slept with 57 girls last semester" as heroes. Well excuse me for not being a hero for rather having one woman who really loves me and not trying to find out how many chicks I can shag by going to drunken fraternity parties and using a bunch of cheap pickup lines.

[edit] from Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/ZOMG

• ZOMG MERGE!!!!!1111 - per above. --GeorgeMoney ^T·C 18:25, 22 June 2006 (UTC)

  Changed to ZOMG KEEP !!!!!!!!!!1111111111 oneoneoneone elevendyone onehundredeleven 1111 2(50(432))/2(2(50(432)))(500/pi)(15/23)+25(5)-125/(15/23) - I am always using this because I forget what it means. --GeorgeMoney ^T·C 03:34, 23 June 2006 (UTC)

[edit] from Acucullophilia and its AfD

Acucullophilia is a form of sexual attraction felt towards circumcised males.

[edit] What is da wikipedia? from User talk:Sean Black

what is da wikipedia shizzle?! 81.153.202.233 19:57, 24 July 2006 (UTC)

I ask myself the same question everyday. I find that a visit to my local Roscoe's House of Chicken 'n Waffles is able to help me clear my head; perhaps it will be similiarly life-affirming for you.--SB | T 20:15, 24 July 2006 (UTC)

[edit] from "send me about this" in WP:HD

please send me all history of this. And how to iuse it . and how to make i an user id for any web sit . please send me quickly. and also send me the working of this and how to use i this web for my personal purposes.........

[edit] from "Insect question" in WP:RD/S

I'm reluctant to post this, since the original author has done nothing but spam the reference desk with nonsense to try to get into BJAODN, but this one just turned out too good to pass up.

Many insects like moths are attracted to light. This could present a major problem if moths develop to the point that they drive automobiles, as two moths driving in opposing directions would be drawn towards each other's headlights resulting in a head-on collision. What steps have been made to prevent this potential tragity? Mayor Westfall 04:16, 12 June 2006 (UTC)

Members of arthropoda were actually a highly-evolved, starfaring civilization that was unfortunately wiped out by a doomsday device they created when a hapless mechanic got too enamored by the blinking lights on it and pressed the start button. Unfortunately, the stop button was not illuminated. -- Миборовский 04:23, 12 June 2006 (UTC)

There is no problem. The moths will be attracted to the light, but the cars won't be, so the moths will leap out the window to their deaths, and the cars will float harmlessly into the ultra-rubber road barriers.  freshofftheufoΓΛĿЌ  05:47, 12 June 2006 (UTC)

Did you read our article on moth? They would only circle each other.--Shantavira 07:37, 12 June 2006 (UTC)

Wouldn't they crash into each other while trying to circle one another--that is if they are going in opposite directions, they're paths would curve into one another. Or would they...Now I have a math question that is bugging me because of this stupid question.

You may be confusing moths with black holes.  freshofftheufoΓΛĿЌ  04:50, 13 June 2006 (UTC)

Say you have two moths flying toward each other carrying a light source. They are attracted to light 10 meters away, and their paralell paths are seperated by 5 m, would they crash into each other? I suspect this would depend on their initial velocities....Sounds like this would make a good text book calculus question. Anyone have an answer? XM 12:21, 12 June 2006 (UTC)

Have you ever seen a moth fly? That's not calculus, that's turbulence. Black Carrot 21:40, 12 June 2006 (UTC)

[edit] from "I have proof that the FDA is tapping my phone calls?" in WP:RD/H

Is this considered legal?—Yi^pe 15:42, 14 June 2006 (UTC)

Yes. General Eisenhower • (at war or at peace) 16:15, 14 June 2006 (UTC)

Are you sure it's the Federal Drug Administration that's doing it? Phone tapping is generally done by the FBI, CIA, NSA, and other law enforcement and intelligence agencies. Emmett5 16:46, 14 June 2006 (UTC)

The FDA is the Food and Drug Administration. Maybe he or she is attempting to traffic in flour that hasn't been properly entoleted. --LarryMac 16:52, 14 June 2006 (UTC)

[edit] from "The FDA has been tapping my phone calls" in WP:RD/S

what if any scientific counter measures can you think of to keep them from monitoring my phone calls? —Yi^pe 15:35, 14 June 2006 (UTC)

Disconnect your phone line. Electrons are incapable of bridging a several-foot gap with that little voltage. Black Carrot 16:55, 14 June 2006 (UTC)

By "scientific", do you mean "encryption"? Encryption only works if you encrypt/decrypt at both ends. Even if you use VOIP, both ends have to be on the Internet. You can't drop to a regular, unencrypted phone line anywhere. The easiest option: use someone else's phone (like a pay phone at a restaurant). Of course, the people you are talking to are also probably tapped. --Kainaw ^(talk) 17:05, 14 June 2006 (UTC)

The FDA doesn't have the power to tap phone. Perhaps you are thinking of the FBI? Besides which, how would you know? But the only real answer is not to use the phone and arrange some other method of communication. Or I suppose you could arrange to talk in code: "The rooster lands at midnight, next to the pumpkin".  ;-) Dragons flight 17:15, 14 June 2006 (UTC)

The FDA would be very interested in knowing exactly what Yipe plans on doing with the rooster and the pumpkin. Very interested... I'd recommend talking about US submarine movements instead, which the FDA couldn't care less about. — Asbestos | Talk (RFC) 17:38, 14 June 2006 (UTC)

This user seems to have no edits other than marking a ton of accounts as being sockpuppets, and this:

1. 08:52, June 14, 2006 (hist) (diff) User:NSA powered vandalbot (very funny, ha ha) (top)
2. 08:51, June 14, 2006 (hist) (diff) User talk:Pgk (rv vandalism by FDA powered vandalbot)
3. 08:50, June 14, 2006 (hist) (diff) User talk:152.163.100.131 (→Your edit to Crab Nebula your vandalism by FDA powered vandalbot) (top)
4. 08:48, June 14, 2006 (hist) (diff) User:El Pgk (you're working for the FDA aren't you?) (top)
5. 08:48, June 14, 2006 (hist) (diff) User talk:El Pgk (please stop tapping my phone calls!)
6. 08:47, June 14, 2006 (hist) (diff) User talk:Pgk (rv vandalism by NSA powered vandalbot)

[edit] from "Transcripts for student in approximately 1986" in WP:RD/M

I would like to access my transcripts from approximately 1986 when I attended your university. My name is Masteneh Jafari. My address at that time was Colbeh Sadi, Shiraz Plastic, Mood Avenue,First Eight Meter Road, fourth house. I was enrolled in the midwife program. I attended for two and one half years. If you could please send me this information I would be greatly appreciative. I would like to continue my education in the USA and need this to verify what courses I have taken. Please send it to me in care of Address removed

We're an encyclopedia, not a university. You'll need to direct your question to the relevant university's registrar. — Lomn | Talk 14:02, 20 June 2006 (UTC)

I'll have to check our records, but I don't think we even have your transcripts. Because this is an encyclopedia. --Optichan 16:10, 20 June 2006 (UTC)

what a weird question. since when do we have a midwife program?

wait, since at least 1986, apparently :) 82.131.190.200 18:17, 20 June 2006 (UTC).

[edit] from "A Film Based Wikipedia" in WP:RD/H