User:Floaterfluss/Best of Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense
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[edit] From Jimmy Neutron
THIS IS THE TRUE DUNSPARCE! SKATE2WIN AND MYSPACE ARE NO MATCH FOR ME! I WILL EAT UP JIMMY NEUTRON BOY SATAN!!! JIMMY NEUTRON BOY SATAN!!! IT IS ABOUT THIS BOY WHO TURNS TO A SATAN AND HIS RIVALS INCLUDE MEWTWO (GO TROUBLE SHOWDOWN!!!), THE REAL SATAN (He's not cool), ROBOT DEVIL (Robot Hell is 1337!), AND BOOPER GRANDSON (YOU MOP FLIPPING BITCHHEAD!). JIMMY NEUTRON BOY SATAN ALSO HAS FRIENDS SUCH AS CARL THE LARD EATER AND SHEEN THE CULT WORSHIPER! THERES CINDY THE HELL VORTEX AND LIBBY THE DEMONIC SECRETARY! THEY GO TO HELL SCHOOL AND THEIR TEACHER, THE ELDER MRS DEVIL TEACHES THEM HOW TO BE NEW BOY SATANS! JIMMY NEUTRON TRIES TO MAKE SATAN TRUE BUT THEN HIS RIVALS (Except for the real Satan) ALWAYS FOIL HIS PLANS AND DO COOLER THINGS BESIDES DOING CRAP AND MAKING A CRAPPY SHOW! ALSO JIMMY NEUTRON HAS A MECHANICHAL CEREBRUS CALLED DRADDOG AND IT EATS JIMMY NEUTRON BOY SATAN EVERY SINGLE EPISODE! BUT IT GOT CANCELED.
[edit] From Kool-Aid
The product mascot of Kool-Aid is a gigantic anthropomorphic pitcher filled with some kind of anonymous red liquid (Maybe it's drugs, who knows?) that seemingly at random bursts through walls with complete disregard for human life, causing countless thousands of dollars in property damage. He then chuckles and utters his thought-terminating catchphrase 'Oh Yeah!'. He has yet to be apprehended, so if you know anything about the whereabouts of this wanted fugitive, please call 1-800-555-KOOL or notify your local authorities, and consider him armed and very dangerous.
[edit] From Cristóbal Colón
I always thought he was an ass. Now I know he's a colon.
[edit] From Featured Article Candidates
Exploding whale is nominated as a Featured Article Candidate - here's one of the (surprisingly few) objections:
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- Yow! I see everyone is having a whale of a time making bad jokes about this story. It makes me so sad I want to blubber. - Ta bu shi da yu 10:00, 13 Aug 2004 (UTC)
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What a terrible carrion that was! zoney | talk 13:38, 16 Aug 2004 (UTC)
[edit] From Pillsbury Doughboy
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, Pop N. Fresh, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Known to friends as "Brown-n-Serve," Fresh was an avid gardener and tennis player.
Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Aunt Jemima, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Skippy.
The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded."
Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes -- conned by those who buttered him up.
Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions. He enjoyed being prodded by his many friends who invariably poked fun at him.
Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and another bun in the oven.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
[edit] Misogyny and you
There are many forms of misogyny in the world today, but none will be as special as the one decide you make your own. Be creative. Mr. Joseph Underwood dressed up like a woman and screamed at himself for hours, until he was picked up by local rednecks and forced to have sex with a fire extinguisher.
[edit] From Color blindness
A easy way to test for color blindness is to stick your finger up your nose and hold your leg up while singing the national anthem.
Best results if done naked.
[edit] From Talk:Adolf Hitler
Anti-semitism?
I've heard allegations that he was anti-semitic, is this true?
[edit] From 2109
2109 - Many animals are taken over or eaten by robots, they are consumed as light snacks. Robots learn to reproduce with their gigantic huge and delicous metal dicks. They become horny 24/7.
One wonders exactly who first discovered the metal dick. Or how. Or WHY. Some people need a new hobby, methinks.
=O
[edit] From Abraham Lincoln
It should be noted that week before their respected shootings, President Lincoln was in Monroe, Maryland while President Kennedy was in Marylin Monroe. ;-)
- Marylin Monroe - June 1, 1926 – August 5, 1962
- The assassination of John F. Kennedy took place on Friday, November 22, 1963
- Obviously necrophilia then.
Yeah but what a body -heh heh-
[edit] From Computer virus
Warning, by coming to this page, you have downloaded a computer virus on to your computer which destroys all information on your computer, spreads to every other computer found on your computer's IP listing. In addition, you will also be framed for computer crimes committed by others.
CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE SCREWED
HA HA PWNED
[edit] From Marian Rejewski
While home for the summer in 1930, Rejewski suffered from an interabdominal tear that resulted from a massive fart but survived and accepted an offer of a mathematics teaching assistantship at Poznań University.
[edit] From Valentine's Day
FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING CUNTING COUPLES. THERE IS NOT ROOM IN AISLE 6 OF TESCO FOR YOU TO EAT EACH OTHERS INNARDS OUT. THERE IS NOT ROOM IN MY LIFE TO HAVE YOUR SNOGGING SHOVED IN MY FACE ALL DAY EVERY DAY. JUST FUCK OFF.
That says it all really, I'm guessing someone had a bad Valentine's Day. Lisiate 01:21, 16 Feb 2005 (UTC)
[edit] From Foobar
Foobar was the Emperor of Kansas from 1435 to 1922. He built the Rocky Mountains and the fjords of Norway, and invented chewing gum, chicken soup, and solar eclipses. Many people consider him to be the greatest composer of telephone dial tones of all time.
- Shouldn't that be: built the Rocky Moutains by scooping out the fjords of Norway
Several other people have been named Foobar, including a former parking lot attendant of Maxim's Hamburger in Paris, Texas, and a fictional swimming pool cleaner in Kevin Costner's Waterworld.
[edit] From Anal abscess
The anal abscess is a liquid in your anus which runs down the epandyme canal. It hurts, but as pressure on your prostate can make you ejaculate, it can be good too. enjoy !
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- Out, out damn spot! Fire Star
Three cheers for using Shakespearean quotations for the purposes of toilet humour!
[edit] From Wikipedia:Votes for deletion/Todd McCormick
- !!!!!! First of all... you worship hitler if you think this should be deleted. While we're at it why don't we delete the article on Buddha? What's so notable about it? Expansion will come... it was just placed as a starting point. -- Unsigned by User:65.97.17.149
[edit] From Mustard
mustard is gay
by thomas brown
Which was then changed to...
Mustard is so gay because its made out of used condoms and gay sex toys.
By the person who founded Wikipedia oh and by the way I am gay with the producer of it.
...I guess the writer was high on...mustard??
[edit] From Bill Clinton
William Jefferson Clinton (born William Jefferson Blythe III on August 19, 1946) was the 42nd President of the United States from 1993 to 2001. Before his Presidency, Clinton served five terms as the Governor of Arkansas. he played the saxophone into the night. the women lined up to hear him and said bill! play for use! but he did not know all the songs. and the women went home crying that he would not play.
[edit] From Santa's Workshop
SANTA'S WORKSHOP WAS FOLLOWED THE FOLLOWING YEAR BY "THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS" FEATURING THE SAME TOY CHARACTERS. THERE IS A MODERN RELEASE AVAILABLE, BUT IT DIFFERS FROM TEH POLITICALLY IN-CORRECT ORIGINAL FEATURING RACIAL TOYS, AND A LITTLE BOY IN PAJAMAS WITH AN OPEN BOTTOM.
[edit] From History of the Universe
In the beginning, Elvis fell off the toilet and died.
But his Head was kept alive...
somehow.
And Hillary Clinton knew the Head
and in THAT EXACT SECOND the Head became all knowing, all seeing
BUT (there is always a but) in that same second the ANTI-HEAD was born.
The Head and the Anti-Head will fight for ten thousand years
BUT
someday, the Head will join forces with the head of Al Gore
together forming the MERGED HEADS OF ALVIS
and the Anti-Head will cease to exist
THE MERGED HEADS OF ALVIS WILL RULE THE COSMOS FOR TEN MILLION YEARS!
BUT (to be continued)
{{physics-stub}}
