Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Telecommunication/archive3

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted 15:06, 14 August 2007.

[edit] Telecommunication

previous FAC

A vital, core and good article that has previously been nominated for featuring (nom1, nom2). The changes in this version include the further trimming of technical detail, more citations and a stronger focus on writing. Cedars 00:40, 16 July 2007 (UTC)

  • Comment Consider using numbered lists where possible. This is important for text to voice as well as Wikipedia:Spoken articles. Thank you. Spamsara 19:14, 17 July 2007 (UTC)
I have added punctuation to the bulleted list. This should improve the experience for those using text-to-voice software. You are also welcome to convert the list to a numbered list if you feel it would improve the article experience. I have text-to-voice software and will run the full article through it as soon as possible to see how it handles. Cedars 01:24, 18 July 2007 (UTC)
  • Comment 2 Too many subheadings in first major section. One heading per paragraph is way too much! Spamsara 20:14, 17 July 2007 (UTC)
The section was originally just a collection of paragraphs with no headings. However, this was complained about in the last featured article nomination. As a result, the headings were added. The reason for the number of headings is that the section aims to give a very brief synopsis of technical concepts in the telecommunication field. As a result, the paragraphs change focus very quickly, leading to a large number of headings. I appreciate it is undesirable to have five headings for eight paragraphs but I think it really helps people to understand the article. If you like, I could reduce the size of the headings? I am also open to suggestions about how the headings could be merged. Cedars 01:24, 18 July 2007 (UTC)
  • Oppose—1a, 2a and just generally needs more thought to create an article that is one of our "best".
    • Do you need "over a distance" in the opening sentence? Not sure I like the definition, with or without this phrase: speech can be seen as signals.
    • Devices that ?assist the process? No, television etc enables".
    • "... with the telecommunication industry's revenue being placed at ..."—clumsy grammar.
    • The lead doesn't grab me. Last clause repeated word-for-word below.
    • Are the bullets necessary at the start of the first section? Then, "For example, consider ..."—there's redundancy here, and a problem of consistency of tone (addressing readers directly). Lower-case letter after colon, please. Some of this opening seems to be trivial. Radio is transmitted over free space? Hmmm. I knew that.

Please don't just correct these examples. Bring on board other people who are good with language and structure. Tony 08:33, 1 August 2007 (UTC)

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.