Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Sara Sidle/archive1

The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted 16:28, 18 November 2007.

[edit] Sara Sidle

I'm nominating this article for featured article because it has been a good article for a couple of weeks now and myself and others consider it has reached FA quality. Yamanbaiia 15:55, 4 November 2007 (UTC)

• Oppose, this has a long way to go. Specific feedback follows:

• The entire article needs to be copyedited for brilliant prose.
• Consistency: You alternate between referring to the subject as "Sidle" and "Sara". It should always be the former.Fixed
• MOS: You slip into describing plot elements in the past tense. When recounting fiction, use the present tense. See Wikipedia:Manual of Style (writing about fiction).
• Grammar: "...a crime scene investigation team from Clark County, Nevada which investigates..." Use that instead of which.Fixed
• Consistency: "Sidle has appeared in every episode except in CSI's Pilot, Random Acts of Violence, from season three, Jackpot (CSI), from season four and "Hollywood Brass", from season five." The first episode mentioned is fine. The second should be a piped wikilink omitting the "(CSI)", and the third is in quotes. Should they all be in quotes?Fixed
• Verifiability: "This is attributed to her looks and behavior, which are those of a normal woman in her thirties, making it easier for many female viewers to identify with her." I would expect to see this discussed and sourced in the Public Reaction heading; it isn't. Avoid beginning sentences with words like "this" that refer to previous statements.Removed
• Prose: "The relationship between the two characters caused diverse opinions among fans of the show as well as in the press." Things don't really cause opinions.. people develop opinions. Fixed? Changed for "triggered".
• Jargon: "...working her way up to a CSI Level 2" What is that?Removed It's just a fictinal rank, and this information was never said on the show so i consider it irrelevant.
• The "Fictional character biography" section is poorly written and contains unnecessary detail, such as what shift she works.
• The "Character Development" section is not comprehensive and is poorly sourced. There must be more to say about her character than two or three sentences per episode.Fixed The GA reviewer made us cut-back on the references.
• MOS: "Throughout season seven the audience saw Grissom and Sara as a couple, but the relationship was kept secret from the others in the lab until Sara's abduction by The Miniature Killer in the season finale." This sentence oddly mixes real-world and in-universe perspectives. Again, see Wikipedia:Manual of Style (writing about fiction).
• The opening of the "Public reaction" section is original research. You need secondary sources backing up all those statements.Removed
• Consistency: Your accessdate parameters in the References section are a mixture of date formats.Fixed

--Bloodzombie 04:36, 6 November 2007 (UTC)

I fixed some things.Yamanbaiia 11:42, 6 November 2007 (UTC)

• Of course, my colleague was only exemplifying issues. The whole text needs treatment, preferably by someone who's unfamiliar with it. Tony (talk) 14:12, 6 November 2007 (UTC)

Well, thank you for the discouraging comment! Then i guess i'll just sit and wait indeterminably for someone to re-write the whole article. Yamanbaiia 18:29, 7 November 2007 (UTC)

• Sitting back, as you put it, will not produce FA standards. Tony (talk) 14:29, 9 November 2007 (UTC)

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.