Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Mana (series)/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted 01:38, 29 September 2007.

[edit] Mana (series)

Article provides a global view of the series (including information about the Japan-exclusive media), is factually accurate, neutral, and very stable. Kariteh 10:40, 21 August 2007 (UTC)

  • It seems a little odd that the "Games" section is so far down the article. Why is this? --- RockMFR 03:16, 22 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Comments. Yep, the "Games" section should be one of the earlier/first sections since it's essentially a synthesis article of a video game series. They need to be mentioned in order to set the tone and context of the article. Shrumster 20:47, 22 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Comment. Oh, and the lead needs to be bulked up some more. Structurally, it's too short. Content-wise, it could benefit from being expanded. Remember, the lead should be able to stand on its own as a summary of the entire article. Shrumster 20:48, 22 August 2007 (UTC)
  • I'll fix the lead as soon as possible (unless someone wants to do it). The "Games" section used to be closer to the top but it was kind of pushed down when the "Audio" and (especially) the "Common elements" sections were added. Should it be placed just before the "Audio" section, or just after it? Kariteh 21:04, 22 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Comment. Personally, I believe it should be the first section. Shrumster 22:01, 22 August 2007 (UTC)
  • Really? I think the Creation section is best at the first place since it gives the origins and an overview of the games of the series. I moved the Games section just after it for now, but it can still be discussed and changed I guess, if people want. Kariteh 08:51, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
  • I've now expanded the lead with information from the article. Kariteh 09:54, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
Support - I helped argue for the merging of several articles into this one, and after dramatic improvement of this article and debates about all aspects of what it should be called and what should be included, it is ready for FA status. Judgesurreal777 04:26, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
Comments - The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.
  • Please expand the lead to conform with guidelines at Wikipedia:Lead. The article should have an appropriate number of paragraphs as is shown on WP:LEAD, and should adequately summarize the article.[?]
  • Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), months and days of the week generally should not be linked. Years, decades, and centuries can be linked if they provide context for the article.
  • See if possible if there is an image that can go on the top right corner of this article.
  • Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), headings generally should not repeat the title of the article. For example, if the article was Ferdinand Magellan, instead of using the heading ==Magellan's journey==, use ==Journey==.
  • The script has spotted the following contractions: don't, Isn't, if these are outside of quotations, they should be expanded.
  • Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.[1]
  • You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, 203.134.184.168 15:03, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
Y Done all of these points. There is no single image that could represent the entire series and be put on the top right corner of the page though (no common logo, etc.). Kariteh 17:23, 26 August 2007 (UTC)
  • It's the logo of the first game's Japanese version; it doesn't represent the whole series, so using it would be purely decorative (=against Fair Use guidelines). Kariteh 21:04, 27 August 2007 (UTC)

Anything else? Kariteh 15:36, 3 September 2007 (UTC)

Conditional support - please fix or comment upon the following:

  • What is it with the bold links to the elemental spirits? They link to articles on the roman goddess of the moon, some paranormal effect, and an article about garden objects. The usual style of linking per WP:MOS leads the reader to believe that these links would lead to articles on the spirits themselves. Remove the links or change them to articles on the characters. I would even suggest removing this whole list, as it is just some name dropping without out of universe context.
  • Why is "Ring Command" bold?
  • Image:Rabite plush.jpg is a replaceable fair use image. Finding a free license image would also enable this article to feature on the main page.
  • The article needs an image in the lead section.

User:Krator (t c) 17:51, 3 September 2007 (UTC)

Y Done - Good point about the elemental spirits; I removed the list and replaced it with a more general sentence saying that their names are homonymous with mythological beings or phenomena. I can't find any free license image of a Rabite plush on the web, but it's not impossible to in theory, so I removed the current plush picture as its fair-use rationale is not justified. Kariteh 10:04, 4 September 2007 (UTC)
  • Object—1a. Here are random examples from the lead suggesting the density of the problems throughout. Please locate another copy-editor. Beautiful artwork, though.
    • Probably a comma after "dropped" would be smoother.
    • Remove the first "also" as misleading. Ask me why if you don't see that. The second "also" is a wart that needs removing.
    • "Various different"?
    • "Linked together"? Not linked apart ...
    • "As of 2007, the Mana series comprises eight console games, two mobile games, in addition to four manga and one novelization." Is there an "and" missing?

That's a lot for just three short paras. It's saveable, so please try. Tony 14:31, 7 September 2007 (UTC)

  • Alright, I copy-edited what I could in the article, although I don't know if it's enough. I'm having a hard time finding another copy-editor. Kariteh 17:24, 10 September 2007 (UTC)
  • Oppose. Incorrect use of bolding, see WP:MOSBOLD. Please review WP:MOS regarding punctuation on image captions, sentence fragments aren't punctuated. Copyedit issues as mentioned by Tony, for example, I can't figure out what the "long" here is: In 1995, Kikuta released an experimental album of arranged music from the two installments, titled Secret of Mana +, which features a unique track long of 50 minutes. On the plus side, the sourcing looks good (except for the bolding and all caps in footnotes, see WP:MOSCAPS#All caps). SandyGeorgia (Talk) 00:02, 13 September 2007 (UTC)
  • I've fixed the incorrect use of bolding, punctuation, and caps, and reworded the Secret of Mana + sentence. Kariteh 09:16, 13 September 2007 (UTC)
  • Very nice, and fast, work. Once Tony is sastisfied on copyedit (I had to add a hyphen, for example), my Oppose can be considered struck. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 17:03, 13 September 2007 (UTC)
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.