Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Mackinac Island/archive1
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- The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
The article was not promoted 03:23, 12 April 2007.
[edit] Mackinac Island
Self-nomination. I recently finished a major overhaul of this article, expanding and sourcing it. It is currently a GA. Mr.Z-mantalk¢Review! 01:09, 31 March 2007 (UTC)
- Neutral I would like to see more pictures, especially of the Grand Hotel, some of the other activities on the island, and maybe of the Catamarans that take people too and from the island. Also the pictures that are in the article at the moment, seemed clumped together at the bottom, is there a way they could be better dispursed through out the article? EnsRedShirt 02:58, 1 April 2007 (UTC)
- Okay, I've rearranged some and added a Grand Hotel picture. Will look for some others. I'll ask on Wikiproject Michigan if anybody has any. Mr.Z-mantalk¢Review! 03:11, 1 April 2007 (UTC)
- Also found a ferry picture to use as well. Mr.Z-mantalk¢Review! 03:59, 1 April 2007 (UTC)
- Comment — I performed some reorganization with the article so that it is visually pleasing to all resolutions. More later. — Deckiller 22:30, 3 April 2007 (UTC)
- Weak oppose — there are a few prose glitches (criterion 1a) and relatively subjective layout issues (criterion 2):
- "Mackinac Island, in the tradition of some of its earliest known inhabitants, the Anishinaabe-Ojibwe tribes, is a sacred place, home to the spirit Gitche Manitou." Too many commas; perhaps split into two sentences?
- The "Scouting" section has numerous brief sentences, such as "Girl Scouts were first invited to serve in 1974." and "They must complete a service project." Integrating these short sentences into slightly larger, yet more succinct sentences is a good idea.
- "The island's strategic position amidst the commerce of the fur trade of the Great Lakes led to the establishment of Fort Mackinac on the island by the British during the American Revolutionary War." This should probably be simplified or restructured.
- "The island is the location of three Michigan state parks, Fort Mackinac, the historic downtown, and Mackinac Island State Park, which covers about 80% of the island." Are the Fort and the historic downtown two of the three state parks? If so, there should be a colon instead of a comma between "parks" and "Fort". Same issue with "Mackinac Island has been the setting of two feature films, This Time for Keeps in 1946 and Somewhere in Time, filmed at the Grand Hotel in 1979."
- Perhaps "Scouting" can be merged into the "Culture" section? Also, there might not be a need for an Archeology subsection, since it only consists of one paragraph. Usually, sections are only good for 2+ paras (otherwise, it would defeat the purpose of the paragraph), lists, or emphasis.
- The second paragraph of the lead section should be expanded slightly. A sentence summarizing the culture section might help there.
- It's a good article, so please polish the prose by enlisting two or three fresh copy-editors. — Deckiller 22:58, 3 April 2007 (UTC)
- Support evrik (talk) 20:26, 4 April 2007 (UTC)
- Oppose—1a. Here are random examples of why the whole text needs fresh copy-editors.
- Lead: Startitis disease: "In the late 19th century, the island became a popular tourist attraction and summer colony." Just "was a popular".
- "its wide variety of architectural style examples"—Ouch, "its wide variety of architectural styles".
- Why are "17th century" and "19th century" blued out? Are they useful pages you're bothering the reader with? Why does "US state" need to be linked? We do speak English, so why are dictionary words such as "ferry", "hotel" and "airport" linked? Bound to irritate the readers, unless they're piped to focused articles, such as <hotels on Mackinac Island|hotels>, which they're mostly not.
- Audit for redundant wording, for example: "A 13 kilometer (8 mi) long road"—which word can go?
- "America"—Do you mean "the US"?
- Inconsistent spelling-out of two-digit numbers (19th vs nineteenth); best to spell out only sentence-initial and single-digit numbers. Tony 22:54, 4 April 2007 (UTC)
- Just gave it a quick read-through and it looks generally alright. Just had two issues as I went:
- What is the "resort season"? I assume Memorial Day to Labor Day, but the article mentions the term and doesn't explain when it is exactly... seems important to clear up when specifically the island's peak season is. Source doesn't explain this either, I looked.
- The article gets a bit unclear here: "the entire Straits area was acquired by the U.S. through a treaty following the war". Doesn't mention which treaty specifically, and I think we should look at what the Upper Peninsula article says: "Although the Upper Peninsula nominally became United States territory with the 1783 Treaty of Paris, the British did not give up control until 1797 under terms of the Jay Treaty." Admittedly I apparently didn't source that claim correctly (I am pretty sure I added it though), but my point is I think that description applies to Mackinac Island too. I would like to get this cleared up.
- Anyway, glad to see this article is in good shape at any rate. --W.marsh 15:09, 6 April 2007 (UTC)
- The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
