Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Henry Allingham/archive1

The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted 03:01, 26 November 2007.

[edit] Henry Allingham

While this article is currently categorized as a start, I believe it should be a FAC. It is short, but is beautifully written and sourced. I would love to see him the first supercentenarian featured as he approaches his 112nd. ''[[User:Kitia|Kitia]]'' (talk) 23:58, 20 November 2007 (UTC)

• Oppose This article is quite far from FA:
• One reference per paragraph is GA standard referencing, not FA standard referencing. Some paragraphs have no references. For example, paragraphs 2, 3, 5 and 6 of "World War I" section, paragraphs 2 and 3 of "After World War II" section.
• The article is not comprehensive. It needs a "Personal life" section.
• The lead section is weak. It is too short. It also says "Allingham credits "cigarettes, whisky and wild, wild women — and a good sense of humour" for his longevity." but this is not explained further in the rest of the article.
• Some paragraphs are too short. I think there are a few English mistakes, but I'm not very sure because my English is not very good:
  • "revert to his previous desire" Is "revert" used correctly?
  • "his role was the maintenance of aircraft" sounds funny.
  • "what later has become known as" is too wordy.
  • "by now an Air Mechanic First Class" When is "now"? 2007?
  • Is "instrumented" a word?
  • "The marriage lasted 51 years and produced two daughters" I never heard that a marriage can produce children.
  • "The most significant of these was perhaps" I think there is a weasel word here.
  • "he had successfully completed the task" sounds funny. Maybe you can remove the word "had".
  • "so that other generations will not forget" Not forget what?
  • "A couple of weeks later on, in May" is too wordy.
  • "visitors remarking on his memory and voice" Is "remarking on" correct?
• Improve the article and try GA first. --Kaypoh (talk) 10:43, 21 November 2007 (UTC)

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.