Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/David Lynch/archive1

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[edit] David Lynch

An informative and well-written article about the avant-garde filmmaker. (Ibaranoff24 04:23, 26 December 2005 (UTC))

  • Nominate and Support. (Ibaranoff24 04:23, 26 December 2005 (UTC))
  • Object. Private life and trivia sections need converting into prose as proper sentences and paragraphs without lists, at the moment they are breaking up the flow of the reading in the article. The article also needs in-line citations for better referencing using footnotes. Otherwise look good. — Wackymacs 08:10, 26 December 2005 (UTC)
  • Object - Agree with User:Wackymacs's comments about in-line citations and the lists - trivia and private life sections should go completely. Anything that can't be incorporated into the text of the article as prose probably isn't worth mentioning anyhow. For a director considered important within the industry more discussion is needed about what/who influences his work, and in turn who has been influenced by him, to place his work in a greater context. It would also be beneficial to include some quotes discussing his work - ideally some from Lynch and some from other filmmakers, or critics. There are also a couple of sentences that need clarification. For example : "Lynch has managed to establish himself as one of the few modern directors whose visual and verbal styles are instantly recognizable". This appears in the lead paragraph but you have to read right through to the "trivia" section to find the point even half clarified, and it's not clarified or discussed very well at all. (It's also gramatically awkward - should simply read "Lynch has established himself...". The "managed to" is redundant.) From the section "Eraserhead" - "The film shows the influence of pioneering experimental filmmakers, such as Maya Deren and Luis Buñuel." How? It's a bald statement that incorrectly assumes the reader is going to make an automatic connection - it has to be justified. This type of unsupported statement needs to be expanded upon. The section "Philadelphia and the short films" has 3 consecutive paragraphs all starting with "In (date).....". Need to avoid repeating words and phrases like this. In general the article is well written, but needs more depth in some areas. Rossrs 17:22, 26 December 2005 (UTC)
  • Support pending removal of trivia and private life sections. There needs to be more film-related featured articles. Zzzzz 18:41, 26 December 2005 (UTC)
  • Object; needs footnotes or alternative inline citations. --Spangineeres (háblame) 04:52, 27 December 2005 (UTC)
  • Object. Needs a thorough copy-edit. For example:
'With intentions to become a painter'—better as 'With the intention of becoming a painter'.
'he was raised throughout the Pacific Northwest'—'throughout' might be an overstatement.
'made a series of complex mosaics'—Is there a better word than 'made'?
'exhibited many elements'—'contained' or another word?
'to attend the M.F.A. studies at the'—no way.
Most US and UK style manuals frown on 'due to': better as 'because of'.
Is it in AmEng? It should be; check 'cancelled'.
I can cope with all the abbreviation dots, I suppose, but please reconsider the apostrophe in 1980's; it's NY Times style, I know, but they're very old-fashioned on that point.
Please delink all of the trivial chronological items, as per WP policy at Wikipedia:Make only links relevant to the context. Retain links for the dates that contain day and month. Tony 03:31, 29 December 2005 (UTC)