Ernest T. Bass

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Ernest T. Bass was a fictional character on the American TV sitcom The Andy Griffith Show. He was played by Howard Morris.

Ernest T. was an ignorant and obstreperous mountain man with a penchant for rock throwing, who was known to wreak havoc on the otherwise quiet town of Mayberry. He lived in the mountains neighboring Mayberry, and his appearance in town almost always meant trouble for Sheriff Andy Taylor and Deputy Barney Fife. A wild, belligerent hillbilly, he had a scruffy appearance, a maniacal laugh, and often spoke in rhyme. When threatened with the law, Ernest T. would generally run off yelling his famous catchphrase, "You ain't seen the last of Ernest T. Bass!"

Ernest T. Bass's behavior was often summed up by Barney Fife: "He's a nut!"

Ernest T.'s most notable trait was breaking windows with rocks. Ernest T. prided himself as being "the best rock thrower in the county". He was notoriously importunate with the women he desired, and regularly used this tactic to get their attention. He also tried to impress people by informing them that he was saving up for a gold tooth.

In his first appearance, (episode # 94, "Mountain Wedding"), Ernest T. has his mind set on marrying Briscoe Darling's daughter Charlene, despite the fact that she is already married to Dud Wash. He breaks the Darlings' window in the middle of the night, and then attempts to serenade Charlene by singing an off-key song called "Old Aunt Mariah", accompanied by drumming a gas can, which he tuned by tightening and loosening the cap. The family then decides to conduct a faked wedding, to which Ernest T. reacts by devising a nefarious plan to steal the bride, only to discover that it was Barney in disguise.

In episode # 133, "The Education of Ernest T. Bass", Ernest T. tried to impress his love interest, Romena, by getting an education. It was revealed that he could not read or write, except for a few signs (this is somewhat contradictory to earlier episodes, since he often threw rocks with written notes attached). Ernest T. attends Helen Crump's elementary school class, where he quickly becomes a nuisance. After she hits him with a ruler for being disruptive, Ernest T. starts to bond with Miss Crump, calling her his "mother figure" in his signature drawl. Fed up, Helen decides—on Andy's advice—to graduate Ernest T., despite his minimal education. She gave him his "diploma", which was simply a certificate stating that he knew some Arithmetic, could read and write some words, and knew the boundaries of the United States. In a touching ceremony, she announced that Ernest T. Bass had received his diploma "for learning... For learning".

Ernest T. Bass's last appearance was in episode # 164, "Malcolm at the Crossroads". He was fired as crossing guard in favor of Malcolm Merriweather, played by Bernard Fox. When Bass first saw Malcolm on the job, he said, "Looks like a octopus!" Despite only appearing in five episodes during the show's entire run, Ernest T. Bass is one of The Andy Griffith Show's best remembered characters and remains a fan favorite. Morris, along with Griffith, Knotts, and many other cast members reprised his role in the 1986 TV movie Return to Mayberry.

[edit] Quotes

Ernest T. Bass: My name's Ernest T. Bass, what's yers?

Sherriff Andy Taylor: I'm Sherriff Taylor, and I've been a lookin for you.

Ernest T.: I didn't do nothin'. Gotta go!

Ernest T: It's me, it's me, it's Ernest T!

Ernest T: If a duck stood still you could catch him by the bill.

Ernest T: I don't chew my cabbage twice. And you ain't heard the last of Ernest T. Bass!

Ernest T: I'm a little mean, but I make up for it by bein' real healthy. Say you'll be mine. Say you'll be my beloved!

Barney: (lifts up veil) I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on earth!

Ernest T: If I'd seen you coming, I'd have known what to do. I'd have rais'd both arms and woved at you!

Ernest T: No hunt. Beware. Open and closed. No credit.

Ernest T: No coffee, tea, or punch, thank you.

Ernest T: I ain't talkin'. I ain't talkin'. The more you're askin' the more I'm balkin'.

Ernest T: She called me a "creasture"—I ain't no "creasture"!!!

Ernest T:What? I passed it—I didn't heave it!

Charlene: Okay, Ernest T...Serenade away.

Ernest T: Awright, listen... (He accompanies himself by slapping a large can.)

Old Aunt Mariah, jump in the fi-ah,

Fire too hot, jump in the pot,

Pot too black, jump in the crack,

Crack too high, jump in the sky,

Sky too blue, jump in canoe,

Canoe too shallow, jump in the tallow,

Tallow too soft, jump in the loft,

Loft too rotten, jump in the cotton,

Cotton so white she stay there all night.

Charlene: That's good, Ernest T.

Ernest T: Wanna hear 'Eatin' Goober Peas'?

Charlene: No!