User:Enigmaman/Sandbox
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[edit] excerpt
link The next time I recall swinging a club wasn't in any conventional, or socially acceptable, format.
It occurred one night that same year, when my best friend and fishing companion, Bob Branham, called to report a disturbing infestation. The culprit was Bufo marinus, a large and brazen type of toad that had invaded South Florida from Central America and proliferated rapidly, all but exterminating the more docile native species. The Bufo grows to two pounds and eats anything that fits in its maw, including small birds and mice. When threatened, it excretes from two glands behind its eyes a milky toxin extremely dangerous to mammals. Adventuresome human substance abusers have claimed that licking Bufo toads produces psychedelic visions, but the practice is often fatal for dogs and cats.
Which is why Bob had called. Every evening a brigade of Bufos had been appearing outside his back door and gobbling all the food he'd put out for Dixie, his young Labrador retriever. It's probably unnecessary to point out that while Labradors possess a cheery and endearing temperament, they are not Mensa candidates in the kingdom of canines. In fact, Labs will eagerly eat, lick or gnaw objects far more disgusting than a sweaty toad. For that reason, Bob expressed what I felt was a well-founded fear that his beloved pet was in peril during these nightly Bufo encounters.
When I arrived at his house, the onslaught was in progress. A herd of medium-sized toads hungrily patrolled the perimeter of his patio, while one exceptionally rotund specimen had vaulted into Dixie's dish and engulfed so much dog chow that it was unable to climb out. It looked like a mud quiche with eyeballs.
As kids, Bob and I had roamed the Everglades collecting wild critters, so neither of us wanted to harm the Bufos. Yet there seemed no choice but to remove them quickly and by force, before his dopey dog slurped one like a Popsicle.
Ballasted with Alpo, the toads would have been easy to capture by hand. That, however, would have presented two serious problems. One was the poison; the other was pee. Toads are prodigious pissers, and Bufos in particular own hair-trigger bladders. The instant you pick one up, the hosing commences and does not cease until you drop it.
Bob and I were discussing our limited and unsavory options when I noticed a golf bag in a corner near the back door. We had a brief conversation about which of his neighbors was the most obnoxious, and then I reached for a 9-iron. Bob chose a 7.
Before the PETA rally begins, let me point out that an adult Bufo toad is one of God's sturdiest creatures. Bob swears he once saw one get run over by a compact car and then hop away. I have my doubts, but in any case we purposely picked lofted clubs to effect a kinder, gentler relocation.
Aerodynamically, your average toad travels through the air with substantially more drag than a golf ball. This is because golf balls are usually round, and legless. A toad won't carry as far, or roll more than once or twice when it lands. Nonetheless, I soon found the range with Bob's 9-iron, chipping several beefy Bufos onto a window awning two houses away. Even at that distance we could hear the feisty invaders clomping across the flimsy aluminum before free-falling into the backyard of their new, unsuspecting hosts.
[edit] To do list
articles that should be created:
1)Grayish/Greyish 4/2/08
2)Scholar in Residence 4/14/08
3)Warren Zanes 5/27/08
4)Mark Joseph 5/27/08
articles that need to be deleted or remedied:
Other:
Barnstar to a certain bot
"You'll note that the policy does not carve out exceptions for personal attacks by editors who are "invaluable", nor does it have any kind of point system where X number of valuable edits allows you to make Y number of personal attacks"
removed from cat. it figured out you were an admin
[edit] Section for Seraphim Whipp
I feel compelled to let you know that "we" refers to the infamous "me, myself, and I". My lawyer is on retainer, because he's currently sitting in the same chair I am sitting in.
Finally, Sid, Cookie Monster, and Enigmaman wish to present you with two instances of WP:Humor.
[edit] Section for Enigmaman or Sid/Cookie Monster (if you are who you say you are)
The real cookie monster/Godzilla/Seraphim Whipp presents you with one instance of WP:Humor.
The link to this youtube video, provided here
[edit] Rebuttal
"The person adding the tag might not be a very good copyeditor..."
[*ahem*
- Lol, I had myself in mind when I wrote that. I'm a rubbish copyeditor ( :( ) so I would rather tag it and make other editors aware. Seraphim♥ Whipp 00:22, 6 March 2008 (UTC)
[edit] Response to Thriller video
I don't really know much about popular culture (movies, TV shows, music), so while the name Michael Jackson is familiar, and "Thriller" vaguely rings a bell, I don't really understand the reference. I'm sure it would be funny to someone more familiar with Thriller, though! I was left in a state of confusion. The attack on Hammersoft and Betacommandbot was more entertaining, mostly because I think User:Locke Cole has a good point. Enigma msg! 00:35, 6 March 2008 (UTC)
- I think the reason I found that video so funny was purely the fact that they were prisoners. Every few seconds that thought kept popping into my head to make me laugh even more. Damn... Try "Kitty Cat Gets Owned" in youtube. Surprisingly funny :). Seraphim♥ Whipp 00:43, 6 March 2008 (UTC)
[edit] new section
No legal threats? Ha! I scoff at that. I wouldn't have gone to the expense of hiring a lawyer without finding a way to evade WP:NLT. :) Enigma msg! 18:22, 6 March 2008 (UTC)
[edit] Another message to the elusive Seraphim
If you're curious how I came to leave you that message originally, it was because I recognized your name on the RfA list and decided to do my due diligence. I went through your edit history, Talk page, the RfA page, and then I looked at your userpage. To my shock and horror, I saw you were giving other Wikipedia user the impression that you may be Cookie Monster! I had to act. :) Enigma msg! 17:33, 7 March 2008 (UTC)
[edit] Warning vandals
Hi, I noticed you reverted some vandalism. Thank you for doing so. However, if possible, it would be appreciated if you could also warn the user(s) who committed the actions. See here for templates you can use. Enigma msg! 06:43, 19 February 2008 (UTC)
ugh, I don't like this. I'm sure someone out there can write a better message.
- I extended it slightly and remove a couple of things... perhaps "...some vandalism. Thank you for doing so." - Can be connected together in one sentence? Or "Thank you for doing so. However..." - could be connected? I know there are 2 sentences there that can be connected... Bah, what do I know? Thank you for your kind words earlier and thank you for updating the count on my RfA :-) ScarianCall me Pat 16:04, 19 February 2008 (UTC)
Hello. Regarding the recent revert you made: You may already know about them, but you might find Wikipedia:Template messages/User talk namespace useful. After a revert, these can be placed on the user's talk page to let them know you considered their edit was inappropriate, and also direct new users towards the sandbox. They can also be used to give a stern warning to a vandal when they've been previously warned. Thank you.
AIV, RFPP, ANI, Yup... and 3RRN and UAA
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