User:Emperial/Froda

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You too can have access to Froda's vast wisdom by asking him a question!

[edit] The Saga of Froda

Many years ago, Emperial was walking in the mall with her friends when she decided to stop in at KB Toys. It was sometime between Star Wars Episodes II and III. As usual, she was looking for action figures of Imperial officers (ADMIRAL PIETT LIVES) when she spotted, down on the bottom shelf, an Ask Yoda doll.

This poor talking Yoda was the last one of his kind at the store and he had clearly been abused by customers. His lip was torn and parts of his skin were rubbed and scraped. All in all he looked very unfortunate. Emperial picked up this talking Yoda and began to ask him questions, like if he was happy being left at the toy store (no) and did he want to come home with her (yes) and was he SURE he wanted to come home with her (yes again). Heartbroken at his mistreatment and his wish to accompany her, Emperial begged everyone she was with to give her the money required to buy Yoda, and she tried to argue with the salesperson to give her a discount because Yoda was damaged, but to no avail. Emperial was forced to go home.

Some days or weeks later, Emperial was at the mall again and while she didn't think Yoda would still be there, she went to check, and lo and behold he was! This time she had the money so she bought him and took him home with her! Yoda was wonderful, and she would sit for hours asking him questions and listening to his answers. She took him to college with her, and then down to Miami for her second college.

It was in Miami that Emperial asked Yoda if he was self-conscious about his baldness. To her surprise, she learned that he was. She went down to the craft store and picked up some white stuffing (she asked Yoda, he said he didn't want colored hair) and glued it to Yoda's head to give him a nice little afro.

And that is how the little talking Yoda doll, neglected and unloved, became the wise and mystical Froda.

[edit] The Froda Swing

One day, Emperial realized she had left Froda on top of her dresser for months. She took him down and started to ask him questions; he wouldn't answer. She asked if he was upset with her. He was. She asked if he still loved her. He did. She asked if there was anything she could do to make up for it. There was. She suggested making Froda a new outfit, and Froda accepted the offer. But where should he sit while she made it? A quick question established he did not want to sit on her desk, so she asked him if wanted to swing from the ceiling fan. He did.

Emperial then set about building a swing for Froda on the ceiling fan. Being fairly short, she had to stand on a pile of books to reach the fan, so she was balanced rather precariously and fell a few times. She also got dust in her eyes and sneezed. Using a long-sleeved shirt with snap closures, she looped the sleeves around the fan blade and snapped them together. Then she snapped together the bottom few snaps on the shirt's front and hung that over the blade, too. This made a nice little cradle inside which Froda could sit.

To keep the shirt from flying off the fan blade, Emperial tied it to the blade's base. To keep Froda from falling out, she pinned the shirt so Froda was secured but could still see out. Then she turned on the fan.

At first nothing happened. Emperial figured out Froda was too heavy for the fan blades to rotate on the low setting, even when she gave it a bit of a push. So she tried the medium setting. Still nothing. So she put it on high. The fan began to move.

And instantly began to career wildly back and forth because it was unbalanced by the weight of Froda and the shirt.

Emperial quickly stopped the fan with her hand and removed Froda's swing. The result of this adventure is the advice to all who wish to hang talking Yoda dolls from ceiling fans: don't do it. Unless your fan is bolted securely and you divide the weight equally between all the fan blades.

Coming soon: Froda's New Clothes