Eminéire
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Eminéire is the parody by Irish comedian Pat Shortt of Eminem's ballad Stan. Similar to Eminem's song, Dido's "Thank You" plays between stanzas, albeit not sung by her.
In the song, Shortt's character, named Stan (as Eminem's character is in the original), laments having to bring his little brother, Matthew, to an Eminem concert in the Point Depot, Matthew having seen the ad when he walked in on Stan reading a newspaper while on the toilet.
What follows is Shortt berating many aspects of Ireland, and organisations based in the country, mainly through profanity. For example, he complains that he is charged a booking fee on top of already over-priced tickets by Ticketmaster, whom he refers to as "robbing bastards". His next target of abuse is Bus Éireann, whose buses are "broken-down heaps of shit". He is indignant that it should take 8 and a half hours to travel from Limerick to Dublin, and having "to stand the whole fucking way", despite possessing an over-priced ticket.
Upon arriving at the Point, Shortt is infuriated that the doorman "felt my balls" during a search for contraband, and reiterated the fact that he was only there for Matthew and, speaking of Eminem, said he "couldn't stand the sight of the peroxide fucker's head", and therefore had no camera device with him. After this, his over-priced ticket was torn up in two at the door. Shortt has plenty of ammunition at the venue, hurling abuse and complaints at the shortage of toilet facilities, the queues for such, Eircom, and finally says that "[the] fucking Government don't have a clue what's going on in this country!".
He is outraged that, "having travelled all the way to see you, just you", Eminem should send out someone else before he got on stage. Then he took umbrage at Eminem's lyrics, saying it's not our problem if "you were fucked in the ass when you were five". Stan grows increasingly psychotic at this point, and proclaims "I have fucking issues in the world!" He threatens to "put you (Eminem) in my fucking body bag, you bastard, and drive you off the edge of a bridge, or a cliff, or a mountain or something!" This is a reference to the original song, which climaxes with Stan committing suicide by driving off a bridge while under the influence of downers and vodka.
The final verse is "Eminem" responding to Stan's criticisms. He calls him a "sad, sad little man" and "Why should I give a shit about you/ Or your little brother Matthew?" He tells Stan that he was "so much money I am sick!" and the song ends with "Eminem" laughing maniacally, and proclaiming "I'M FUCKING LOADED!!!"
