Talk:Ed Muransky
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[edit] Auto Peer Review
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[edit] GA review
Good work! Just needs some quotations directly cited and a few tweaks. I also have some concerns about the weight given to his testimony against DeBartolo
- It is reasonably well written.
- a (prose): b (MoS):
- Need to make sure you are consistent in spelling DeBartalo
- a (prose): b (MoS):
- It is factually accurate and verifiable.
- a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
- need to directly cite some quotations, pluse one paragraph needs a citation
- a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
- It is broad in its coverage.
- It follows the neutral point of view policy.
- It is stable.
- It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
- a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
- Overall:
Details:
- Lede - Okay, so Debartalo relied on Muransky, and testified against DeBartalo, that needs to be in the lede, at least the testifying part. --TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD) 20:58, 21 January 2008 (UTC)
- Lede - DeBartalo should be spelled consistently. Your second listing of his name has Debartalo, and there are a couple of other places too, where you use Debartalo or Bartalo. --TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD) 21:35, 21 January 2008 (UTC)
- Cardinal Mooney High School section, probably should link lineman, although I'm not sure exactly what would work best. --TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD) 21:40, 21 January 2008 (UTC)
- University of Michigan section, first paragraph, towering is somewhat of a peacock term. If you really want to use it, find it as a direct quotation. --TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD) 21:42, 21 January 2008 (UTC)
- Same section, paragraph needs a citation. --TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD) 20:22, 22 January 2008 (UTC)
- Same section, beef bowl subsection. The first two quotes need citations
- Same section, Big Chill subsection, if the parenthetical remarks were in the quote in ()'s, they should stay that way. If they are parenthetical remarks you've added in, they need to be in []'s. Switched to brackets. --Cbl62 (talk) 16:27, 28 January 2008 (UTC)
- Same section, quitters subsection. The quotations need citations on them. See WP:CITE. I know it's a pain, but them's the rules, especially for quotations for living people. --Cbl62 (talk) 16:29, 28 January 2008 (UTC)
- Business career section, the first paragraph is a bit skimpy. Was he a sportscaster for TV or radio? How long did he stay with that�?
- Same section, Work subsection, I think I'd nix family connection in the third sentence. It implies they are related by marriage. reworded.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD) 19:41, 23 January 2008 (UTC)
- Same section and subsection, first DeBartalo in the next to last and last section. Also, are these two sentences relating issues that happened after the trial? If so, they should probably be moved to later in the section. Otherwise the reader is confused and may think that DeBartolo was a convicted felon BEFORE the trial.
- Same section and subsection, make the usage of DeBartalo consistent.
- What does this mean?--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD) 20:01, 23 January 2008 (UTC)
- Same section and subsection, I'd rather see the items that Muransky testified to worked into prose.Also, it's a bit of WP:UNDUE with this big long list of things he testified to, which takes up almost as much space as the section on his time as a NFL player. Consider condensing, especially as it doesn't appear that Muransky was directly involved in the corruption.
- Converted to prose, may need further editing.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD) 20:07, 23 January 2008 (UTC)
- Same section and subsection, the last two paragraphs are choppy and short. Consider condensing or expanding. If you move the bits about the Board down here (where I suspect they belong chronologically) that'll help. --TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD) 17:11, 28 January 2008 (UTC)
- External links section, I prefer the link be "Muransky Statistics at (website)" but that's a personal preference. It just looks better and more professional to my eyes. I won't hold the article back on this, though.
- I think it is in standard format now.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/WP:CHICAGO/WP:LOTD) 20:12, 23 January 2008 (UTC)
- I'd nix the Bo picture, it's not really needed and might be pushing fair use. Again, though, Im not an expert on this, I think I've used two fair use pictures in all my articles combined (grins).
- The Bo photo was removed. What do you think about adding the Cardinal Mooney photo under a fair use rationale?Cardinal Mooney photoCbl62 (talk) 23:57, 23 January 2008 (UTC)
Overall, the usual good work I've come to expect. I have a few concerns about the weight of the testifying section compared to the rest of the article, just because he wasn't convicted of anything, or charged. Need to make sure all direct quotations are cited directly, and that you get the usage of DeBartalo consistent, that's the big things.
I've put the article on hold for seven days to allow folks to address the issues I've brought up. Feel free to contact me on my talk page, or here with any concerns, and let me know one of those places when the issues have been addressed. If I may suggest that you strike out, check mark, or otherwise mark the items I've detailed, that will make it possible for me to see what's been addressed, and you can keep track of what's been done and what still needs to be worked on.Ealdgyth | Talk 17:43, 21 January 2008 (UTC)
How's work coming along over here? Ealdgyth | Talk 14:38, 28 January 2008 (UTC)
- I tweaked a few things in the lede, and changed the Professional football sections around a bit to fit better with the rest of the organization of the article. Do those work for ya'll? If you approve of them, it's a pass. Just want to make sure that I've not stepped on toes here before I pass. Ealdgyth | Talk 17:33, 28 January 2008 (UTC)