Dutch customs and etiquette

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The Dutch have a code of etiquette which governs social behaviour and is considered important. Because of the international position of the Netherlands many books have been written on the subject. Some customs may not be true in all regions and they are never absolute. In addition to those specific to the Dutch, many general points of European ettiquette apply to the Dutch as well.

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[edit] The people

Dutch society is egalitarian, individualistic and modern. The people are modest, tolerant, independent, self-reliant, and entrepreneurial. They value education, hard work, ambition and ability. The Dutch have an aversion to the nonessential. Ostentatious behaviour is to be avoided. Accumulating money is fine, but spending money is considered something of a vice and associated by some people with being a show-off. A high style is considered wasteful and suspect. The Dutch are proud of their cultural heritage, rich history in art and music and involvement in international affairs.

[edit] Greetings

  • When entering a room it is customary to shake hands with everyone present, then to shake hands again on leaving. If there are too many people to shake hands with and the setting is informal, publically identifying yourself will do. Usually an acquaintance will introduce a visitor to others, otherwise the guest introduces himself. The Dutch consider it rude not to identify oneself.
    • When stopping in the street to chat with an acquaintance, a younger Dutch person especially will not take the trouble of introducing an accompanying friend.
  • Phrases saying hello or goodbye differ between regions, but are generally understood everywhere. However, the use of dialectal forms, for example the Brabantic "houdoe", links the speaker to that region.
  • When introducing themselves, the Dutch shake hands and generally say either their first or surname.
    • If seated, it is polite to stand up before shaking hands.
  • When answering the phone, the receiving party identifies him-/herself first either using their first (Jan), or last name (Jansen) or both (Jan Jansen). The name is usually preceded by "met", which means (you're speaking) with. The caller is expected to identify themselves before asking to speak to another person or talking about something else.
    • Children tend to answer the phone with their full name (first + surname) to avoid being mistaken for their parents.
  • Yelling to an acquaintance from a distance is considered impolite.
  • It is considered impolite to enter a house without being invited to. The Dutch consider it an invasion of privacy.
  • It is polite to ask where to sit.
  • When meeting friends and relatives, the Dutch usually kiss cheeks three times. Normally, the first kiss is on the right-hand cheek, the second on the left and the third again on the right (from the perspective of the person being kissed). This ritual is also often used when saying goodbye. Women will kiss women and men, whereas men kiss women but shake hands with other men.

[edit] Body language

  • Compared to most cultures, the Dutch are reserved in public and do not often touch each other or display anger or extreme exuberance.
  • The Dutch value privacy and seldom interact with strangers, no matter where they are from. However this should not discourage foreigners in their actions. Dutch people are curious and when addressed will often try to converse or be of assistance.
  • The Dutch expect eye contact while speaking with someone. Looking away or staring at the ground is considered impolite and may be perceived as lying.
  • The Dutch tend to be reserved in using hand gestures. However, having your hands in pockets or arms crossed might be interpreted as of disinterest.
  • The crazy sign is made by tapping the centre of your forehead with your index finger. This gesture is considered rude.
    • To make things even more complex, the sign indicating someone is smart or intelligent is made by tapping the area around temporal bone (just above the ear) with the index finger.
  • Winking at strangers will generally be perceived as a sexual advance and is unlikely to be appreciated.
  • When yawning, the mouth should be covered with a flat hand or fist.

[edit] Dining and entertainment

  • A waiter or waitress is beckoned by making eye contact and raising a hand, perhaps adding "ober" (waiter) or "mevrouw" (which normally means "madam", but for a waitress it is correct) or "meneer'" (sir). Fingersnapping is considered extremely rude.
    • Leaving a small tip is customary in restaurants.
  • In most cases the Dutch will make it clear when they intend to pay the bill. If not, assume the arrangement is to "go Dutch" . No one will be embarrassed at splitting the bill, which is the norm.
    • On a romantic date, the man is expected to pay for the woman (although she may offer to pay her share out of politeness or to show her independence). She may leave the tip for the waiter.
  • Dutch manners are frank and can be described as a no-nonsense attitude, informality combined with adherence to basic etiquette. This might be perceived as impersonal by some other cultures but is the norm in Dutch culture. As always, manners differ between groups. Asking about basic rules will not be considered impolite.
  • Food does not play a major role in hospitality. It is not considered imperative for making someone feel welcome, although coffee, fruit juice or a carbonated drink is usually offered to guests.
  • Guests should not expect a meal unless the invitation mentions it. It is impolite to stay until dinner is about to be served. Dinner is often considered a family moment or a private moment. Usually only family or the closest of friends may join without asking.
    • When inviting a Dutch person for dinner it is not automatic that the invitation will be reciprocated. Cooking and food are not considered important.
    • Guests invited by a student or a younger person may be asked to share the costs of the ingredients.
  • It is polite to keep hands above the table during a meal but elbows should be kept off the table. (Dinner) Parties may continue until very late in the evening, even early morning.
    • It is normal to stay an hour or two after dinner. The Dutch dine early: often around 6 pm, unusually after 7pm.
    • It is polite to offer to help out with the dishes or cleaning the table. Out of same politeness, the host will usually decline the offer.
    • It is permissable to politely refuse a second helping at the table.
  • It is considered impolite to ask for a tour of the host's home. If offered, however, accepting is considered polite.
  • When invited to a birthday party or wedding, guests are expected to bring a gift. Common gifts include chocolates, alcohol, perfumes, gift certificates or "an envelope" - cash in a sealed envelope. Often, wedding invitations have symbols on them indicating what kind(s) of gifts the couple would like to receive.
    • Children may be given toys or books, pets are never given unannounced. A gift certificate (usable to buy CDs, DVDs or computer games) or an envelope is a good choice to give to an adolescent.

[edit] Conversation and language

  • The Dutch avoid superlatives. Compliments are offered sparingly. When something is "not bad", "OK" or "nice", it is good, praise rather than disinterest.
  • A person who never criticizes others or who's afraid to speak on his own behalf is seen as being simple-minded or failing to tell the truth. Foreigners do not need to worry much about saying something that might in their own culture hurt or be perceived as an insult. The Dutch argue but seldom take offense.
  • The Dutch speak directly and use a lot of eye contact. To a foreigner this may seem intimidating, especially in cultures where matters are discussed with extreme care and politeness, but it is the way the Dutch prefer to communicate.
  • Discussing expensive items purchased recently (or anything similar) will be seen as boasting. Asking personal questions is equally dangerous, as the Dutch are private and feel uncomfortable answering questions they deem too personal.
    • This especially includes asking about income or other personal finances; asking how much someone earns will be seen as rude, and volunteering your own income as pretentious.

[edit] The Dutch and foreign languages

  • Internationally, the Dutch are considered to be good at speaking foreign languages. This is because The Netherlands has a high standard of education and an education system which focuses on the international position of the country: English teaching starts in the last 2 years of elementary (or primary) school, and is an obligatory part of the national exam on all high schools. German and/or French are also taught and are often chosen as an end subject in which a final exam is taken in high school. Spanish or Chinese are also chosen by some students as end subjects, on top of the other languages. In higher forms of high school education, Latin and Greek are also taught.
    • According to a census, about 85% of the Dutch people are able to speak reasonable English although the accent can be marked. The fluency differs from individual to individual.
    • Due to close proximity to Germany and the similarities between Dutch and German, most Dutch also speak a fair amount of German. French is the third foreign language, but considerably less common than English or German.
  • Trying to address the Dutch in their own native language may result in a reply in English. This can be frustrating for those who wish to improve their Dutch while those who are competent in Dutch may find replies in English patronizing. But Dutch people will perceive a foreigner trying to speak Dutch as someone who's having difficulty expressing himself, or may welcome the opportunity of trying their English.
    • The Dutch will often correct or help with the pronunciation of words. Most Dutch find it charming that someone is trying, although some may be surprised a foreigner is attempting to learn the language.
    • In Dutch, it is possible to politely ask for something without saying the equivalent of "please", so Dutch people speaking English often will not say "please" when asking for something in English either. This may be misinterpreted by native speakers of English as a rudeness, but is rarely intended that way.
  • In most languages, including English, the term "Holland" is used as a synonym for the Netherlands. Calling the Netherlands "Holland" when speaking to Dutch people may cause a discussion about what Holland actually is, but in the west will rarely cause them to be offended. Remember that Holland is a region in the Netherlands, consisting of 2 (out of 12) provinces (North Holland and South Holland). Bear in mind that people living in the far north, east or south of the country may take offense if they are referred to as "Hollanders". On the other hand, the Dutch tourist office promotes the country abroad as "Holland".
    • An exception is the national football (soccer) team, rarely referred to as "Holland". In all other team sports, the team is referred to as Netherlandish or Orange (national colour).

[edit] Humor

Dutch humor has changed over the centuries. In the 16th century, the Dutch were renowned for their humor throughout Europe, and a large number of travel journals have notes on the happy and celebratory nature of the Dutch. Farces, joke books were in demand and many Dutch painters chose to paint humorous paintings, Jan Steen being a good example.

"Fighting peasants" by Adriaen Brouwer.
"Fighting peasants" by Adriaen Brouwer.

The main subjects in Dutch jokes at the time were deranged households, stupid Germans, drunk priests, and people with physical handicaps. A main theme being the reproval of immoral ethics: the 'Vicar's wagging finger'. However, at the end of the 17th century the Dutch 'lost' their sense of humor. The Dutch Republic was in decline, the Dutch Reformed Church denounced laughter and advocated sober lifestyles, and etiquette manuals appeared which considered it rude to laugh out loud. This continued into the 1960s. During the Second World War Americans soldiers were instructed not to tell jokes to the Dutch, as "they wouldn't appreciate it". There are many comedians in the Netherlands. Currently the Dutch have their own sense of humor; with the specific cabaret (a typically Dutch form of stand-up comedian), dark ironic, and sarcastic humour which is often quite bold (or even rude, due to the heavy use of swear words which can be called racist) as well as occasionally addressing controversial or tense subjects. When making fun of other nations, like most nations the Dutch most frequently target their neighbours. [1]

[edit] Business etiquette

  • Business can be discussed during lunch. Business breakfasts are not common. Spouses or partners are often included in a business dinner.
    • It is normal to ask if the host expects a spouse to be present at a business function.
  • Business matters are usually not discussed when partners are present or following the conversation.
  • The Dutch prefer fashions that are casual, unpretentious, conservative and subdued. The traditional suit and tie is required only in certain circles of business and government.
  • Gifts are generally not given or expected at business meetings as they are only exchanged in business once a close, personal relationship has developed.
  • The Dutch find any form of ostentation embarrassing. A grand gesture of generosity will make them uncomfortable. Displays of wealth which are too obvious are considered bad taste and will most likely get a negative response.
  • When invited to someone's home, it is polite to bring a small gift for the hostess. Sending flowers before or after the party is considered inappropriate, but bringing them on the day is acceptable.
    • Spending money on sending flowers is seen as wasteful. Mailing gifts is done rarely, mostly in cases when the giver is not present at the festive occasion, or unable to transport the gift to the party. In the second case there will be some symbolic representation of the gift, often meant humorously. Groups pinching in together for a gift are common, especially for adults.
  • The Dutch take punctuality for business meetings seriously and expect others will do likewise; it is wise to call with an explanation if you are delayed for more than five minutes. Lateness, missed appointments, postponements, changing the time of an appointment or a late delivery lessens trust and can ruin relationships.
    • Calling half an hour or less before the start of a meeting to change the time is considered bad manners. The main reason behind this is probably the scheduled nature of Dutch business. Punctuality increases efficiency.
  • The Dutch tend to be direct, giving straight "yes" and "no" answers. They are conservative and forceful and can be stubborn and tough negotiators. They are willing to innovate or experiment, but with minimal risk.
  • Companies are frugal. Business is profit-oriented. However, though the strategy is cautious and pragmatic, usually involving step-by-step plans, the Dutch are not obsessed with numbers. Strategy is clear and communicated to all levels. In many companies the decision-making is slow and ponderous, involving wide consultation (poldermodel). The Dutch do not appreciate the "I call the shots" mentality, instead they keep talking until all parties agree. Once decisions are made, implementation is fast and efficient.
  • In the Netherlands, commitments are taken seriously. Do not promise anything that cannot be delivered. A spoken agreement with others present has the same worth as a signed contract even from a legal viewpoint.

[edit] Miscellaneous

  • As most Dutch surnames start with a prefix like 'de' (the) or 'van' (from) these are neglected in an alphabetical order. So a Dutchman named 'de Vries' will say his last name starts with a 'V', you'll find him in a telephone book under that letter.
  • Funerals are attended by invitation only, and an invitation may be for a specific part of the funeral only. It may or may not include a church service. A funeral is often spread over several different locations: gathering at a funeral home or a family residence for a wake or viewing, where farewells may be said to the deceased in the open casket, followed by a church service or a non-religious service at a funeral home or cremation center. A burial may follow the church service. The funeral is concluded at the funeral parlor or a reserved room in a restaurant where sandwiches and non-alcoholic drinks are offered.
    • Transportation between the different locations is usually by car, with all cars having their lights on or marked with a small flag to indicate a procession.
    • Generally people dress formally in black, dark blues or grays. White is not commonly worn.

[edit] See also

[edit] External links and sources

[edit] References

  1. ^ Anno - Veel poep en pies