Portal:Discworld/Quotes
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Instructions
- Find your quote (try Wikiquote:Discworld). Quotes 1 - 35 were each taken from a different book. This pattern doesn't have to be continued, but bear in mind that pages with numbers that are close together will display at the same time on the portal, so don't add lots of quotes from one book.
- Add new items at the first redlink in the "Exsisting quotes" section underneath:
- Update the main page so that the {{Did you know|total=36|show=5}} has the "total" parameter equal to the number of non-empty subpages. The "show" paramter must not be more than 20.
If you have any difficulty, problems or questions relating to the technical side of this sub-page, drop Tompw (talk) a line. For any other questions, ask at the Portal's talk page.
Exsisting quotes
- Portal:Discworld/Quotes/1: It was all very well going on about pure logic and how the universe was ruled by logic and the harmony of numbers, but the plain fact of the matter was that the Disc was manifestly traversing space on the back of a giant turtle and the gods had a habit of going round to atheists' houses and smashing their windows.
-- The Colour of Magic - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/2: 'Dead?' said Rincewind, In the debating chamber of his mind a dozen emotions got to their feet and started shouting. Relief was in full spate when Shock cut in on a point of order and then Bewilderment, Terror and Loss started a fight which was ended only when Shame slunk in from next door to see what all the row was about.
-- The Light Fantastic - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/3: It is well known that a vital ingredient of success is not knowing that what you're attempting can't be done.
-- Equal Rites - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/4: He saw his life stretching out in front of him like a nasty black tunnel with no light at the end of it.
...He'd been wrong, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and it was a flamethrower.
-- Mort - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/5: The Hashishim, who derived their name from the vast quantities of hashish they consumed, were unique among vicious killers in being both deadly and, at the same time, inclined to giggle, groove to interesting patterns of light and shade on their terrible knife blades and, in extreme cases, fall over.
-- Sourcery - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/6: Greebo's grin gradually faded, until there was nothing left but the cat. This was nearly as spooky as the other way round.
-- Wyrd Sisters - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/7: All assassins had a full-length mirror in their rooms, because it would be a terrible insult to anyone to kill them when you were badly dressed.
-- Pyramids - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/8: The reason that clichés become clichés is that they are the hammers and screwdrivers in the toolbox of communication.
-- Guards! Guards! - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/9: The Archchancellor's most important job, as the Bursar saw it, was to sign things, preferably, from the Bursar's point of view, without reading them first.
-- Moving Pictures - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/10: The Archchancellor was the first one to recover.
'Windle!' he said. 'We thought you were dead!'
He had to admit that it wasn't a very good line. You didn't put people on a slab with candles and lilies all round them because you think they have a bit of a headache and want a nice lie down for half an hour.
-- Reaper Man - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/11: 'Tell me,' said Magrat, 'you said your mummy knows about the big bad wolf in the woods, didn't you?'
'That's right.'
'But nonetheless she sent you out by yourself to take those goodies to your granny?'
-- Witches Abroad - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/12: Just erotic, nothing kinky. It's the difference between using a feather and using a chicken.
-- Eric - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/13: Bishops move diagonally. That's why they often turn up where the kings don't expect them to be.
-- Small Gods - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/14: 'Magrat says a broomstick is one of them sexual metaphor things.'[*]
[*] Although this is a phallusy.
-- Lords and Ladies - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/15: The Ramkins were more highly bred than a hilltop bakery, whereas Corporal Nobbs had been disqualified from the human race for shoving.
-- Men at Arms - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/16: Susan hated Literature. She'd much prefer to read a good book.
-- Soul Music - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/17: Assassination was meat and drink to the Hunghung court; in fact, meat and drink were often the means.
-- Interesting Times - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/18: No one had asked her [Agnes Nitt], before she was born, whether she wanted a lovely personality or whether she'd prefer, say, a miserable personality but a body that could take size 9 in dresses. Instead, people would take pains to tell her that beauty was only skin-deep, as if a man ever fell for an attractive pair of kidneys.
-- Maskerade - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/19: I am Death, not taxes. I turn up only once.
-- Feet of Clay - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/20: She'd become a governess. It was one of the few jobs a known lady could do. And she'd taken to it well. She'd sworn that if she did indeed ever find herself dancing on rooftops with chimney sweeps she'd beat herself to death with her own umbrella.
-- Hogfather - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/21: Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.
-- Jingo - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/22: Ridcully was to management what King Herod was to the Bethlehem Playgroup Association.
-- The Last Continent - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/23: In Ghat they believe in vampire watermelons, although folklore is silent about what they believe about vampire watermelons. Possibly they suck back.
-- Carpe Jugulum - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/24: He sagged to his knees. He ached all over. It wasn't just that his brain was writing cheques that his body couldn't cash. It had gone beyond that. Now his feet were borrowing money that his legs hadn't got, and his back muscles were looking for loose change under the sofa cushions.
-- The Fifth Elephant - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/25: William barely had time to undress and lie down before it was time to get up again.
-- The Truth - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/26: A chocolate you did not want to eat does not count as chocolate. This discovery is from the same branch of culinary physics that determined that food eaten while walking along contains no calories.
-- Thief of Time - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/27: This man was so absent-mindedly clever that he could paint pictures that didn't just follow you around the room but went home with you and did the washing-up.
-- The Last Hero - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/28: 'Listen, Peaches, trickery is what humans are all about,' said the voice of Maurice. 'They're so keen on tricking one another all the time that they elect governments to do it for them.'
-- 'The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/29: His movements could be called cat-like, except that he did not stop to spray urine up against things.
-- Night Watch - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/30: '"You take the high road an' I'll take your wallet!"'
-- Wee Free Men - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/31: 'I've starved a few times. There's no future in it. Ate a man's leg when we were snowed up in the Ibblestarn campaign but, fair's fair, he ate mine.' He looked at their faces. 'Well, it's not on, is it, eating your own leg? You'd probably go blind.'
-- Monstrous Regiment - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/32: The beef stew tasted, indeed, just like beef stew and not, just to take an example completely and totally at random, stew made out of the last poor girl who'd worked here.
-- A Hat Full of Sky - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/33: 'They say that the prospect of being hanged in the morning concentrates a man's mind wonderfully; unfortunately what the mind inevitably concentrates on is that it is in a body, that, in the morning, is going to be hanged.'
-- Going Postal - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/34: ' Vimes had never got on with any game much more complex than darts. Chess in particular had always annoyed him. It was the dumb way the pawns went off and slaughtered their fellow pawns while the kings lounged about doing nothing that always got to him; if only the pawns united, maybe talked the rooks round, the whole board could've been a republic in a dozen moves.'
-- Thud! - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/35: ' Witches usually wear black, but as far as she could tell the only reason that witches wore black because they'd always worn black. This did not seem a good enough reason, so she tended to wear blue or green. '
-- Wintersmith - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/36: 'Taxation, gentlemen, is very much like dairy farming. The task is to extract the maximum amount of milk with the minimum amount of moo.'
-- Lord Vetinari, Jingo - Portal:Discworld/Quotes/37: Portal:Discworld/Quotes/37
- Portal:Discworld/Quotes/38: Portal:Discworld/Quotes/38
- Portal:Discworld/Quotes/39: Portal:Discworld/Quotes/39
