User talk:Diablosnuevos
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[edit] The Declaration of Sat Independence
Enjoy.
To: The ETS, Educational Testing Service, also known as Evil Testing Serpent.
From: The College-bound students
- When, in the course of student events, it becomes necessary for college-bound students to dissolve the SAT, a Slimy and Atrocious Torture, which every school, every class and every pupil in the United States of America loathes utterly, a decent respect to the opinions of current students and those who, having already suffered through the never-ending task of filling in bubbles for 3 hours, requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the elimination of the test and all its creators.
- We the students hold these truths to be self-evident: — that all students are created equal; that they have progressed through the institution of school gaining certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, happiness, free time, a driving license, and a secured position in the college of their choice. That when the ETS association becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right and obligation of students to protest, boycott, and destroy such institutions. It is also their responsibility to bring into existence a fairer form of testing that all students of all nations will agree on and respect. To prove this, let facts submitted to this grievous scholarly world.
- The ETS have caused students of all social groups to waste millions of dollars on preparation books, number two pencils, and worthless test forms which are submitted to the ETS and never seen again.
- They have enforced students to lose all reason of life and study irrelevant vocabulary for the verbal section, words such as aardvark, dacryocystorhinoscopy, supermartingale, and zyzzyva
- They have tricked students with unreasonable and incalculable math problems, and even created open-ended math problems, leaving the poor test-taker without any multiple choices.
- They have currently increased the burden of taking their dreadful test by adding on to their format an essay section, which eliminates all types of objectivity of the test. They enforced evil and treacherous individuals, who shall hate their miserable jobs for the rest of their lives, to grade these essays.
- They have increased the difficulty of the test by putting a time limit, making many students experience a possible life-long trauma for not finishing the test on time.
- They have decided to make students face the test always on a Saturday morning, a time holy and necessary for the student’s health. By imposing this calendar they made thousands of students lose their sanity, as a result of lack of sleep.
- They have tried to cause rebellion and hatred among the fellowship of students by basing the test scores on a curb which is based on the overall performance of the students that day. That is, students will do all possible to make sure that their fellow partners will score as low possible so that these former traitors shall be benefited by the effect of the scoring system.
- They have made students read extremely long and absurd topics for the critical reading section. Examples of these are “The Development of Celery” and excerpts from “Martha Stuart: My Life in Prison”
- We as students have implored and besought for a better way of getting into college, but all was in vain. They have lied to us. They have wronged us. They have forsaken and betrayed us, only making the test format harder. Blood shall spill over test books and desks around the nation until this matter has been resolved.
- We, the students, do solemnly publish and declare that the Slimy and Atrocious Torture or SAT shall be dissolved and outlawed forever.
- We pledge our future, our career, our $30 used for the test, our number two pencils, our graphic calculators, our admission tickets, and our lives.
