Dave, Shelly, and Chainsaw

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Dave, Shelly, and Chainsaw
Genre Shock Jock
Running time 5 hours (5-10 AM PT, first hour comes from past shows)
Country Flag of the United States United States
Home station 101.5 KGB (April 1 1990-1992) and (1997-present day);
Rock 102 (1992-1997)
Starring Dave Rickards, Shelly Dunn, Cookie "Chainsaw" Randolph, Chris Boyer, Dave Abromowitz, Ruth 66
Creators Cookie Randolph
Producers Emily MaGuire (Board), Chris Boyer (Editing), Dave Abromowitz (Sports and editing)
Air dates April 1st, 1990 to present day
Website
http://www.dscshow.com
 Podcast
http://www.101kgb.com/cc-common/podcast.html
Dave, Emily, Shelly, Kevin Boyle (engineer), and Chainsaw
Dave, Emily, Shelly, Kevin Boyle (engineer), and Chainsaw

Dave, Shelly, and Chainsaw is a morning show on 101.5 KGB in San Diego, California and syndicated on Q103.3 in Temecula, California. It is named for its three main hosts, Dave Rickards, Shelly Dunn, and the “Dean of American Sportscasters”, Cookie "Chainsaw" Randolph.

Dave, Shelly and Chainsaw were available 24 hours a day on 101.5 KGB-HD2. The HD2 Multicast was called "All DSC, All the Time". The content was discontinued in March 2008. Portions of the show continue to be on the KGB-FM podcasting page.

The show was originally called “The Dawn Patrol” during their first tenure on KGB Radio. When the group moved to Rock 102 (now Rock 105.3), the group changed the show name to simply “Dave, Shelly, and Chainsaw”, the name they use to this day. ClearChannel bought Rock 105.3 and 101.5 KGB in 1997, and the show moved back to KGB.

The radio show has found great success in San Diego, releasing 16 best-of CDs and two motion pictures that have received cult status in San Diego and Temecula.

  • In addition to the main hosts, there are numerous other staff and other players:
  • Chris Boyer (typically just called "Boyer" by Dave) mans a drum kit, on which he plays rimshots, drum hits, clangs, etc., and is generally known for making arguments about matters in which he has no, or entirely too much, experience. He is usually made fun of for his strong opinions on these matters.
  • "Ruth 66" (photo) (named in reference to the famous US highway Route 66) is the traffic reporter, and an ex-prostitute whose knowledge is frequently tapped.
  • Emily Maguire is the producer, and responsible for screening calls.
  • David "Bromo" Abromowitz is the sports producer and constant comic relief.
  • "Chucko" is the news producer. Her real first name is Shelley; she is so nicknamed to avoid confusion between her and Shelly.
  • Wayne Abromowitz and Judy Abromowitz are Bromo's parents. Wayne lives in Mexico and is a big Roy Acuff fan to the point where he is attempting to organize a Roy Acuff museum, and has requested financial support to the tune of $100,000,000 USD and on-air support.

Various listeners feature prominently in the show as well:

  • Listener Lex frequently sends humorous stories into the show by email. His trademark closing begins "Love your show like..." and ends with something funny and pertinent. These trademark endings are often imitated, much to Listener Lex's dismay.
  • Commander Butch is a US Navy commander, who served aboard the USS Germantown (sometimes referred to by Chainsaw as the "Gerbiltown") and is currently stationed in Bahrain.
  • Blind Stan (photo) is a man currently in need of a kidney, who has called up with funny stories on several occasions.
  • Quiet-Talking James (real name: James Johnson) ([1]) is a local musician whose band plays at the Kraken. James' voice is very smooth and calm. James' band won the 2005 Homemade Jingle Contest with a Frank Sinatra parody (see: Homemade Jingle Contest)
  • Tony Mason ([2]) frequently submits jingles picking on Bromo, Boyer and other aspects of the show.
  • Sheree Martin (dubbed "Chick in the Chair", due to her handicap) usually emails/calls in her opinions. In 2000, The DCS Charities paid for a van that is specialized for her. Later, she was hired by ClearChannel to work traffic & weather reports, etc. Currently she does weekends on KLSD AM 1360.
  • Big Black Buttplug Claire was a caller into a bit where listeners told stories of "inappropriate presents" they received from their dates. Claire and a new boyfriend were to attend a wedding and he gave her a "big black buttplug" and asked her to wear it to the wedding.

The opening theme song to the show is “Summer Song” by Joe Satriani.

Contents

[edit] Bits

[edit] Joke of the Day

Dave, Chainsaw, and Boyer perform a brief skit at the start of each show. Dave narrates, and all three (or at least some combination thereof) provide voices. Recurring characters include:

  • Father Pat McGroin (Chainsaw)
  • Rock 102's “Deputy Program Director” Barney Fife (Chainsaw)
  • Floyd the Barber (Chainsaw)
  • Dr. Hymen Papsmear (Chainsaw) (usually a psychiatrist, as stereotypically indicated by the German accent)
  • Zeke/Skeeter (Rich Berra, former cast member)
  • Festus, the Old Sharecropper (Boyer)
  • Dave's Uncle Chester (Boyer)
  • Dave's Aunt Edna (Chainsaw)
  • Twatski LeRue (Tree)
  • Arnold (our Governor)

The Joke Of The Day is available as a podcast from the station's website since late 2005.

More information on the Joke of the Characters can be found at http://www.101kgb.com/dsc/characters.html

[edit] Jokes Gone Wild

Every Wednesday, an old Joke of the Day is dug up that can no longer be aired because it is too obscene (partly because of the Super Bowl XXXVIII Halftime Show and the FCC backlash to it). It is then played anyway, but with heavy censoring (the online stream broadcast of the show is aired unedited), and then made available uncensored on the Jokes Gone Wild page or a podcast subscription via iTunes. This is their way around the FCC obscenity rules, since those only apply to broadcasts, not to websites.

The name is a pun on Girls Gone Wild.

[edit] Lash Wednesday

Dave assumes the role of "Reverend Dave, a Real Radio Priesty Guy", and takes calls from listeners who report their sins (usually pranks, in retaliation for some offense committed by the prank's recipient). Before and after the sin, Dave "whips" the sinner (the "whip" is actually a sample), and in response, the sinner (whether male or female) is expected to moan or scream. One of the sinners wins a prize, and the sinners often win more for the eroticism of their moaning than on the quality of the sin itself.

Sinners are also expected to refer to Dave only as "Reverend Dave", "Reverend Daddy", or some variation thereof, on the grounds that "I did not spend five long… hard… grueling… dollars to have you call me 'Dave'" (as Dave puts it). Those who slip up and call him simply "Dave" are lambasted by Boyer (called "Altar Boyer" during Lash Wednesday), in the form "IT'S REVEREND DAVE, YOU [stream of insults]!".

At the beginning and end of Lash Wednesday, AC/DC's "Highway to Hell" is played. Each time Bon Scott sings "highway to hell", Dave snaps his whip. Dave remarks that he is "the only Reverend who can whip to the beat".

There were many complaints by a group called the Catholic League, led by their President, William Donohue, of the opinion that the bit casts a negative shadow on the church. This was climaxed by an appearance on the local NBC affiliate. The protesting group requested a boycott of the radio station by all sponsors and listeners until the bit was cancelled. Dave invited a William Donohue to the show to vent his opinion; during his appearance, he exhibited little knowledge about the bit, or about the radio show. Nothing has been heard about this since.

[edit] Stump the Joke Czar

Dave is the Joke Czar, and is backed by Boyer, the Count of the Court of Kooks. There are three rules to Stump the Joke Czar:

  • Nobody on the show must have heard the joke before.
  • The joke must be funny; or else, it is not considered a joke.
  • "No homemaders" (jokes not made up by a professional comedian); only "brand-name" jokes are accepted.

The best joke wins a prize.

Note that if Dave/Boyer/crew finishes the joke correctly, the caller is expected to "Hang Up In Shame" without comment. Callers who protest are berated loudly by Boyer.

Dave often reminds listeners that "It's a challenge, not a nickname". Sometimes Shelly adds "Stumpy the Joke Czar". It is also clarified that the correct spelling is "Czar", not "Tsar".

A variation on "Stump the Joke Czar", called "Stump the Joke Czar Challenge", exists where listeners call in, create a setting, an action, and a person, and Dave, Boyer, or Chainsaw will come up with a joke to complement the given facts, told more or less in the style of a Joke of the Day. If they cannot make up a funny joke, the caller will win some sort of prize.

This idea was first brought to radio in 1986 by Jackie Martling, Fred Norris and Howard Stern. Back then it was called "Stump the Jokeman" and continued until 2001 when Martling left the Stern show.

[edit] Chin Dong Time

When one of the players spouts something that is significantly proven wrong, he/she would wear a chin dong, a sex toy consisting of a penis worn on the chin, for 15 minutes.

[edit] Little Kids Tell Dirty Jokes

Similar to Stump the Joke Czar, but with an emphasis on jokes about sexual topics, and with an age limit of about 12 — literally, a limit: only callers younger than 12 are allowed.

[edit] Bromo Brain Bowl

Dave administers a quiz to a guest on the show, and then to Bromo, having between 5 and 20 questions. The person who gets the most questions right (usually the guest) wins. In the event of a tie, both the guest's attempt and Bromo's attempt are timed, and the fastest attempt wins. Bromo has won fewer than five Brain Bowls, and has been beaten by every member of the show, several listeners, and even children. He has even been beaten by Boyer, with the added constraint that Boyer only received every other word of each question.

[edit] Name is Your Buzzer

Dave plays a series of songs, usually in a particular theme. People on the show "buzz in" by saying their name; Dave stops the song, and the person who buzzed in first must give the title of the song and the name of the artist who made it famous.

Chainsaw keeps score. Correct answers earn +1 and incorrect answers earn -1, unless Dave assigns a song extra points (as he sometimes does so that whoever is running last can take the lead). Typically, however, the score becomes meaningless when Dave assigns a point total of between 40,000 and 5,000,000 points to the last song.

Players usually contribute a US $5 ante, with the winner taking the pot.

[edit] Make Us Say Wow

Listeners call up and tell a story that they believe will amaze the hosts. If any host is moved by the story to say "wow", and the listener catches it (an important point that has disqualified more than one player), the listener wins a prize.

[edit] 60-Second Divorce

Listeners call up and tell Dave exactly what the listener will tell his or her significant other. Dave then calls the significant other, and the listener proceeds to bother the significant other according to the stated plan. If the significant other hangs up, casts unairable profanity upon the listener, or otherwise reacts with sufficient anger, the listener wins a prize. If the listener reveals that it is a radio game, he or she is disqualified.

Dave usually puts suggestions into the listener's ear, which the significant other cannot hear (a feature of the station phone system: the significant other can only hear Dave and the other hosts when Dave turns on the appropriate switch). These suggestions generally come in the following order:

  1. “I'm not askin'.”
  2. “I am the chief! You are the lowly squaw! The chief has spoken!”
  3. “You're a selfish lover.”
  4. “I am the General! You are the lowly Private!”

[edit] The Baby Talk Game

Female listeners only; Dave connects each player to her boyfriend or husband, whom she tries to cajole into talking baby talk to her. She is restrained by a rule that she may not ask him explicitly to baby-talk to her; if she does, or she reveals that it's a radio show, they will be disqualified. Thus, she must come up with more-subtle techniques; the most common is “talk to me in that way”, which almost every man completely fails to get. She has 60 seconds to get some baby talk out of him.

When a woman succeeds, Dave berates the man on the air, asking him what happened to his manhood that he now speaks baby talk; also, the woman wins a prize.

Also, the bit can be won by the man asking "Is that you Dave?", "Is Dave on the line?", etc., showing that he is not only a baby talker, but smart enough to recognize the bit, and call out his significant other.

As of yet, there have been no homosexual contestants, although a few lesbian couples have played this game.

[edit] Celebrity Poke with Greatness

Listeners call up and report having sex with a celebrity. The best story wins a prize.

[edit] Embarrassing Moms

Listeners call up and report the most embarrassing thing their mother has done to them. Dave then calls their mother, and asks her the most embarrassing thing she did to the caller. If she tells the same story, the caller wins a prize.

On Father's Day, this bit is done as Embarrassing Dads.

[edit] Kinky Moms

The same as Embarrassing Moms, but with a twist: the caller tells Dave who he or she believes is kinkier, and the kinkiest thing the caller has ever done. Dave then calls the caller's mother, and asks her who's kinkier, and the kinkiest thing the mother has ever done. If the hosts decide that the caller was right about who is kinkier, the caller wins a prize.

The music that plays in the background is “Jungle Fever” by The Chakachas.

[edit] PDQ

The Parental Doink Quiz has listeners call up, and then guess the last time their parents had sex. Then Dave calls their parents, and asks when they last had sex; if their answers match, the caller wins a prize.

The music that plays in the background alterantes between “Jungle Fever” by The Chakachas, and the music that is used for Aunt Edna segments.

[edit] GPDQ

The Grandparent Doink Quiz. Same as the PDQ, but with the caller's grandparents instead of the caller's parents.

[edit] The Worst (Insert Holiday Here) Ever!

Usually the Monday after a major holiday (Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc.) Dave would ask listeners to call in to explain their bad holiday. The Worst Thanksgiving Ever is always started with a best-of bit of a lady calling in to explain that her grandfather died when they thought that he was sleeping all along when her entire family was together to celebrate the holidays. The person who the group determines had the worst holiday usually receives a prize.

[edit] Chicks Don't Know Sports

A game, played with women only. Dave (or Chainsaw) will name an athlete, past or present and the caller must name what sport the athlete plays (without repeating the name; otherwise the caller is disqualified because she might be telling it to a male friend nearby). If the woman gives three correct answers in a row, she wins a prize.

The game was spawned when Dave asked his daughters and girlfriend about different athletes and what sport they play.

Dave has banned lesbians from playing the game with the assumption that all lesbians follow sports and thereby know most athletes by name and sport.

[edit] Best-of DSC Albums

Every year since the Dawn Patrol days, the group has released compact cassettes and then compact discs of their best bits of the past year. Because all of the best-of compilations were released around Thanksgiving Day, some bits after October are not included, in which those bits are included in next year's compilation.

  • 1990 - “The Rookie Season”
  • 1991-1992 - “Sophomoric Behavior”
  • 1992-1993 - “Repeat Offenders” (Includes the famous Shuttle Landing April Fools Joke)
  • 1993-1994 - “Exposed!”
  • 1994-1995 - “Old Lady Maggothead”
  • 1995-1996 - “Sprechen Sie Douche”
  • 1996-1997 - “Double Talking Liars” (The name was taken from a caller venting his dislike of the show)
  • 1997-1998 - “No Talent Punks” (See Double Talking Liars)
  • 1998-1999 - “Decade of Decadence”
  • 1999-2000 - “The Breast of...Dave, Shelly and Chainsaw”
  • 2000-2001 - “Nothing But Trouble”
  • 1990-2002 - “The Greatest CD Ever!” (Considered a greatest hits album, as it includes bits from 1990 up to 2002)
  • 2002-2003 - “Puppets are Clogging My Brain”
  • 2003-2004 - “The J-K Conspiracy” (The motion picture and the best-of CD was packaged in one)
  • 2004-2005 - “The DJs are the Heroes”
  • 2005-2006 - “The Trouble With Money” (Motion picture and best-of packaged in one. Also includes the director's cut of The J-K Conspiracy.)
  • 2006-2007 - "Who Wants Pie?"

[edit] The Twelve Days of Christmas/The Grand-a-Day Every Day Giveaway

Traditionally, every day for twelve days (not including weekends), ending on Christmas Day, US$1000 is given away to a listener. In 2005, however, DSC used the proceeds of their "Best of" album last year (which included the major motion picture "The J–K Conspiracy") to make the twelve days a $5,000 a day give-away.

Variations include the Twelve Days of Christmas in July and the Grand-a-Day Every Day Giveaway.

In the Grand-a-Day Every Day Giveaway, listeners enter on Friday, after 10 AM, on the website. In 2005, the website stopped accepting entries after 101 were submitted; this restriction was lifted in the May 2006 return of the promotion. Five are chosen and awarded over the course of the following week. The five that are chosen are usually people or families that are in need, or members of the armed service or their families who need financial support. Since then, the giveaway is done at various times during the year in 2006 and 2007.

Receiving the prize depends on being able to receive Dave's call when he places it, which is done live on the air. If Dave can't reach the winner, the tenth caller receives the prize instead. This is not the case for The Twelve Days of Christmas; that contest has back-up winners.

The background music to the Twelve Days of Christmas is “Wizards in Winter” by Mannheim Steamroller. The background music to the Grand-a-Day Every Day Giveaway is “Flying in a Blue Dream” by Joe Satriani.

[edit] The Homemade Jingle Contest

Every few years (1996, 2002, 2005, 2007), listeners are asked to create jingles for the show and email them in. These are short songs (up to 60 seconds, though this was not enforced - the 2005 winning song was 3 minutes long), usually centered around one aspect of the show. Some are take-offs on real songs; others are completely original. During the contest, each candidate entry is played during the show. The submitters of the three best songs (as determined by Dave, Shelly, and Chainsaw, or internet vote) win prizes.

The first-prize winner in 1996 was "Ode to Boyer", by Tony Mason.

The first-prize winner in 2002 was "The Dave, Shelly and Chainsaw Show" by the band "Hightower".

The first-prize winner in 2005 was Quiet-Talking James, with "Sinatra ASNR", a cover of a Frank Sinatra song. (See Other bits for the definition of ASNR.)

In early 2007, a variation of the contest was played, asking listeners to submit a San Diego Chargers fight song. The contest was cancelled without a winner the day after the Chargers departure from the 2006 NFL Playoffs.

The first prize winner in 2007 was "The Chin Dong", by Tony Mason. This song was a parody of "The Sounds of Silence" by Simon & Garfunkel.

[edit] Roddd & Lance

Played by Dave (Roddd) and Chainsaw (Lance) using a special audio setup where Dave would speak only in the left speaker, and Chainsaw in the right speaker, with both voices filtered. Roddd and Lance are chippendale dancers at the "Swinging Pinkus" who often appear when a female listener is on the phone, almost always starting with "what are you wearing?!" and Roddd lets out a "ahhhhhhhh" when the lady says what she is wearing before she finishes speaking. Recently, Lance has not made an appearance, with Roddd going solo.

Roddd is, in fact, the correct spelling. Sometimes Roddd will ask the listener if she knows how his name is spelled. "R-O-D" is the typical response, this being how the name is usually spelled. "No," says Roddd, "It's R-O-D-D-D. Do you know why?" "No", the listener always says. "Because it's an extra-long rod!" he replies, in an allusion to penis length.

Roddd is also very fond of "Pie". He likes his PIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Recently, the special audio setup machine was broken. In the midst of trying to repair said machine, two new puppets were created with the names of "Stinky and Dinky", stating that they were adult midget pole dancers "trying to earn a LITTLE money". There is currently no word yet if these puppet characters will replace Roddd and Lance.

[edit] Golf bets

Every Thursday, the station hosts an event called "Dave's Free Thursday Golf". Four listeners (who have entered on the website) have their green fees paid by the station, for a golf game which is played at a different course every week.

Often, Dave bets Bromo that Bromo cannot achieve a certain score. If Bromo loses the bet, Bromo must do something embarrassing, usually involving a thong or streaking. Other bets have left Bromo owing over $10 million to Dave (now paid off).

Also, whenever Bromo is asked "Why do you take all these crazy golf bets?", Bromo must answer "Can't you go one darn day without seeing my wanger flopping in your face, you homo?!". This is, appropriately, a result of yet another golf bet.

[edit] Half-Baked Crackpot News

Shelly Dunn reads the day's news stories. The reporters who record various clips get their voices made fun of by everybody on the show. Rick Cruz, in particular, has a very sultry voice that was imitated by Dave during Cruz's employment at ClearChannel News Los Angeles. Some stories get made fun of as well.

As of 2005, Rick Cruz has been replaced as the butt of jokes by Ann Compton of ABC News, particularly for her pronunciation of "President Boosh". Preceding most Ann Compton reports, Shelly and Dave's impression of Compton exchange barbs. Similarly, when Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger speaks, Chainsaw often imitates him and argues with Dave in the puppet of former governor Gray Davis.

[edit] Celebrity Gossip

Dave reads stories of events in the lives of celebrities, and everybody makes fun of them. Sometimes, Dave will provide the URL for a picture relating to a story, usually a redirect through the notlong service. These pictures generally involve exposed nipples or cameltoe.

Celebrity Gossip usually comes immediately before the Half-Baked Crackpot News.

[edit] Chainsaw Sports

Chainsaw recounts the previous day's sports events between the :20s and :40s of every hour the DSC is on, with clips, scores, and scheduling of future games.

Whether a professional-basketball story is in the line-up or not, Chainsaw will say "Meanwhile, in the National Ba—", play a clip (often of a stand-up comedian), and finish with "—sketball Association".

Sometimes, when a San Diego Padres baseball game is covered, there will be a clip of Bud Schlitz (played by Chainsaw), identified as an MLB.com announcer. Bud Schlitz is an alcoholic character who generally covers the home runs of "Briiiiian Giiiiles, the battah". Bud has recently gone into an alcoholic rehab center around the same time Brian Giles was in a home run slump, but since has left and continued his alcoholic ways after a rather "clean" home run call; at Busch Stadium, nonetheless.

Also, Chainsaw has been known to "cover" famous sports events that took place many years ago, in a high, nasal voice along with "Buck Bicep" (also Chainsaw) whose voice is a stereotypical jock voice. Buck is usually incomprehensible, while Chainsaw's voice soars into the upper limits of listenability.

[edit] The Chris Boyer Featurette

Every Friday before the end of the show, Boyer reads a long list of events that took place during the current week, and winds up with a long poem (usually involving many sexual double entendres). The featurette is described by Dave as "Not nearly as long, nor as good, as a regular feature", hence the term "featurette".

The song that plays in the background is an orchestration of Midway March from the 1976 film Midway.

[edit] The Ten-Listener Poll

When an issue between one or more of the group emerges and no middle ground could be found, Dave often chooses to offer a poll in which he takes 10 un-screened callers and ask a question (usually yes-or-no) based on the problem at hand. This is considered the "end-all" to all disagreements on the show: the hosts and/or the caller(s) in question agree to accept any answer derived from a ten-listener poll. If the poll comes out 50:50, then it will become an Eleven-Listener Poll as one more answer is solicited to break the tie.

[edit] Dave's Bands

Any incongruous or somewhat disgusting pair of one or more adjectives and a plural noun may prompt Dave to respond "[that] is the name of my new band!" Usually this is followed by "They're playing at the Bacchanal" (a club that has been closed since 1991). Since 2004, Chris Boyer keeps track of all of these "bands" and reads them off on the final show of the calendar year, usually the Friday before Christmas. It has been rumored that the 2005 list of "bands" will make it on the liner notes on that year's Best-Of CD. The 2004 list is on the station's website[3].

Some band names include:

  • Hitler's Toilet
  • Brothers in Scrotal Ticks
  • Pregnant Honking Nuns
  • Bursting From The Tuft
  • Lumpy Rump
  • Tasty Christian Bitches
  • Old Man Toenails
  • Spoon the Tumor
  • Crotchless Maternity Thongs
  • Babies with Hemorrhoids
  • My Rear End's Been Inspected
  • It Came Out Clumped
  • Your Mom's Cameltoe
  • Puddin' Head and Sugar Booger
  • Slurpin' the Miracle Whip
  • Itchy Kitty
  • Blumpkin Pie
  • Splashing Blumpkins
  • Shaved Granny Groins
  • I Outgrew My Dildo

Throughout July 2006, Dave has been making recurring references to the schism in “Your Mom's Cameltoe”, which has caused several concert dates at the Bacchanal to be canceled. Without going into too much detail, he says, the bass player is causing most of the trouble.

[edit] Ask us Anything

Listeners can ask anybody (or everybody) on the show one question, about anything, and whoever was asked must answer truthfully. Dave teasingly refers to this as Shelly's favorite bit, or claims that Shelly requested that the bit be done, and encourages callers to ask probing questions about Shelly's sex life.

As an example of what may be asked on this bit, Dave was asked if the group has ever considered jumping ship to satellite radio, doing cross-country syndication (similar to Howard Stern or Mancow's Morning Madhouse), or switching stations (which they have done twice, but remaining in San Diego). He answered that the group has received many offers from around the world to re-locate and broadcast from a different station, but has rejected each offer citing that they do not want to leave the city that jumpstarted their careers.

The one question they will not answer is if anyone calls in asking about Dave's references to "Ask that guy passing you on East-bound 5" etc (See "Dave and Chainsaw" below). If asked, everyone simply feigns ignorance and/or denies anything of the sort was said.

[edit] Ask Boyer

Listeners call in with a question or dilemma, which is posed first to Boyer, then to Bromo for counterpoint. Callers are expected to present questions related to marriage or child-rearing; these answers are considered the most amusing because Boyer has no experience in either (he has never been married and has no children) however he considers himself to be non-biased due to this.

[edit] I Hate It

Listeners call up and are given ten seconds to vent their anger over something, as long as it's not traffic ("Everyone hates traffic", admonishes Dave).

The song that plays in the background is "Everything About You" by Ugly Kid Joe.

[edit] Open Mic San Diego

Listeners call in and talk about anything they want. This includes free self-promotion, jokes for the Joke Czar, and assorted stories.

The song that plays in the background is "S.R.V." by Eric Johnson.

[edit] Best of Dave, Shelly & Chainsaw

On Saturdays beginning at 8 AM and contiuning until 12 Noon (sometimes going as late as 2 PM) Chris Boyer (voice tracked) presents the best bits of the past week.

When the group is on vacation, or if Dave is unable to show up to do the show, best-of bits from past shows are played, usually with either Bromo or Chris Boyer at the helm. If Chainsaw or Shelly are in the studio, they will cut in and run their regular segments.

[edit] Other bits, recurring jokes, and references

Wikiquote has a collection of quotations related to:

[edit] Dave

  • In 1993, Dave played an April Fool's Joke, making the national TV news (CNN Headline News) in the process. He announced throughout the show that the Space Shuttle was going to be diverted to Montgomery Field, a small San Diego County airport. Many listeners went to watch the landing. There was no Space Shuttle in flight at the time. The prank often appears on lists of the best April Fool's jokes.
  • Most people who call or email the show end by saying "Love your show", to which Dave replies "I love yours". Sometimes it's the other way around, with Dave going first.
  • Often, Dave will play a song based on a caller's name, especially during certain bits. For example, he will play "867-5309/Jenny" by Tommy Tutone for a caller named Jenny, or "Joey" by Concrete Blonde for a caller named Joey.
  • One of Dave's puppets is a Midwestern housewife who almost always makes reference to making "pickle muffins". She didn't always do this; it started in 2005. As of July 2006, "Debbie" is the most popular name to instigate use of the "pickle muffin" puppet.
  • Once, former San Diego Chargers coach Marty Schottenheimer appeared spontaneously in studio, and Dave introduced him as “Coach Marty Schottenberg”. Ever since, he has been referred to (by everyone on the show) as Marty Schottenberg rather than Schottenheimer.
  • When the topic of discussion has to do with radio, sometimes Dave will duck out, and then reappear as “internationally-renowned radio consultant” (as described by Chainsaw) Dave Steve (Dave with a filter on his voice). Dave Steve's appearance is heralded by a clip of station jingle singers singing “AM 1710, WBUF — Dave Steve!”. “WBUF” is in Buffalo, New York, though the real WBUF is FM, not AM. Dave Steve speaks with frequent “uh” pauses; refers to Shelly as “Smelly Shelly the Jelly-Belly” and Boyer as “Boyer the Annoyer” and the station as “WKGB”; and prescribes that listeners should be able to “hear the smile” in the DJ's voice and that DJs should “respect the music”.

[edit] Shelly

  • Shelly is currently married to a man named Mike, but everybody else on the show calls him Mugwumps. There were some other names used for a while, all starting with M. These include:
    • Mugwumps
    • Malcolm
    • Malfoy
    • Milweed
    • Mortimer
    • Mudflaps
    • Mordecai
In addition, for a brief time, he was referred to as simply "that character you're marrying". Currently, Dave refers to Mike as, "Shelly's imaginary husband."
  • Before Shelly married, her boyfriends were usually referred to as "Shemp," as a means of protecting their true name. Before they became engaged, Mike was also referred to as a Shemp.

[edit] Chainsaw

  • The Chainsaw puppet (see item about "puppets" below) has been to know say things like "I like statistics!", or (more generally) "I like ____!". He also says "I don't like toxins!".
  • When an ad lib commercial comes on for Sleep-Train Mattresses, or occasionally at other times, Dave plays “The Look of Love” by Beegie Adair in the background. When this happens, Chainsaw will often sigh in sudden relaxation. Shelley did it once when Chainsaw wasn't there; Dave asked if she was filling in for Chainsaw, and she said that she normally does it, but that it is usually drowned out by Chainsaw.
  • Whenever political radio or news stations are mentioned or if he is mentioned, Chainsaw goes into a Roger Hedgecock puppet. He usually goes into an opinion and finishes with either a timecheck beginning with "Wartime", "This is 600 KOGO" (he does a radio show on this station, a fellow ClearChannel station), "This is Roger Hedgecock" or any combination of the three.

[edit] Dave and Chainsaw

  • Dave will sometimes say "Good times", and pause. Dave and Chainsaw then say, in unison, "Good times" a second time.
  • Dave and Chainsaw frequently refer to being in some war, in some location, at some time, with all three not matching. For example, they may refer to having fought in the Civil War, in China, in the 1960s.
  • At the close of Chainsaw Sports, Cookie will often turn the mike over to Dave, stating "In other sports David…". Dave typically responds by saying "Read your newspapers" or "Ask that guy passing you on ___" (completing the sentence with a direction that a freeway does not go, such as "Northbound 8"). Occasionally Dave will field a slew of calls from listeners after he does this, as many listeners don't get the joke and think they are helping by clarifying that there is in fact no Northbound 8 or Eastbound 5. This is the idea; Dave does this to see if people are paying attention.
  • Whenever a story about Arnold Schwarzenegger or Gray Davis comes up in the Half-Baked Crackpot News, Dave and Chainsaw assume the respective roles of Davis and Schwarzenegger, and trade insults (in reference to the 2002 recall election for Governor of California, in which Schwarzenegger was elected over incumbent Davis).
  • The two play a pair of puppets named Nick and Nick, both of whom speak in a stereotypical New York accent. The canonical exchange between the two is:
Nick: I got a big one! You wanna see it? I'll show it to ya!
Nick: Hah?
Nick: Hah?
The Nick puppets may also use other sexual double entendres, typically when female callers are on the air.
A short-lived game was played using these puppets called "How many guys has your mother boned?". A listener would call in and guess how many people his or her mother had sex with, and then Dave would call their mother to ask her the same question, using the Nick puppets. If the two answers match, the listener would receive a prize.
  • They play another pair of puppets named Peter and Percy Positive, two stereotypical gay men (with matching accents) who can spin any situation into a positive outcome for somebody.

[edit] Bromo

  • Sometimes when Bromo is voice tracking his early morning broadcast, Dave would call his studio, usually the one next to the KGB studios, and either ask about his golf bet or where they are golfing (and their sponsors), or annoy him with different puppets. Recently, Dave also thoroughly annoyed Bromo by playing Bananaphone at him over the phone (in a long series of calls that got Bromo more and more wound up). There is now also a song of "BromoPhone" (by Tony Mason). Dave also once had a walkie-talkie planted in the studio that Bromo was using, and talked through it in the Wayne puppet. Sometimes Dave will forward listener phone calls to Bromo's studio phone; the listeners usually ask about the weather or the time or why he takes all those crazy golf bets.
  • When Bromo is waiting on the line, Dave calls him by some pet name such as "sugar pants" or "hot stuff". Bromo knows the line has been picked up because he hears a tone when he is put on the air, so he invariably answers. The joke is Bromo seemingly answering to the pet name.
  • Numerous clips of Bromo exist:
    • "I have a penis strapped to my chin!" (Bromo was wearing a "chin dong", literally a prosthetic penis attached by a chin strap, as a payoff for a golf bet.) (photo of "The Accommodator"/chin dong)
    • "I don't have a penis—" (Bromo being cut off, after replying to the previous clip being played.)
    • "I'm not gay, damnit!"
    • Several times, Bromo has called up his girlfriend or Emily while drunk, and left a message on the answering machine. These clips were forwarded to Dave, and are often played when Bromo is on the line.
    • When Bromo is on the line, Dave sometimes says "Mm-hmm!" in a very high-pitched voice. This annoys Bromo (who mistakes it for a sample of an unknown female voice) greatly, provoking him to yell "GOSH-DARN THAT CHICK!!!"
  • Bromo is also suggested to not know the meaning of many words. Some of these words include:
    • Mastication — Bromo confuses this for masturbation
    • Heterosexual — Bromo thinks this is just another word for homosexual
  • Bromo sometimes is given incorrect information very similar to the tune of Dave and Chainsaw's make-believe wars that they were involved in, and most of the time, believes it, which proves that he is gullible. For example, Dave and Chainsaw explained to him that the Independence Day is not recognized as July 4 in the United Kingdom due to their displeasure of United States' independence. Instead, they observe February 29 to even out the calendar (on leap years, February 30 is observed).

[edit] Boyer

  • When Boyer is making some half-baked, inconsistent, or just plain wrong argument, a clip is played of Mike Wallace saying "You don't know crap."
  • Whenever Chainsaw says something which is universally rejected by everybody else as stupid, it is sometimes attributed to Boyer. Likewise, when Boyer says something unusually correct, it is occasionally attributed to Chainsaw. (This is partly because Chainsaw and Boyer have similar voices, and are difficult for new listeners to distinguish.)

[edit] Ruth 66

  • There is a clip of Ruth 66 saying "He's dead!", which is sometimes played when a celebrity (alive or dead) is mentioned. This was started when Ruth mistakenly identified a local TV weatherman as being dead, when in fact, he was very much alive. When this happens, Ruth is said to have "killed" the subject. Occasionally, someone will say that a person is dead, and Ruth will interject "he's not dead", and Ruth will then be said to have brought the person back to life.
  • Sometimes, during a traffic report, Ruth 66 will refer to "Dave's Bridge". Dave had sent a check for US $2 to Caltrans, having written “Purchase of Coronado Bay Bridge” on the memo line. They sent back the canceled check—they had cashed it. He then asked a TV lawyer named “Sam Spital”, who advised him that if the check was cashed, it was a contract, and Dave is the legal owner of the bridge. Thus, the bridge is referred to as Dave's.
  • Recently, Dave has been using the Ruth puppet-voice over her intercom to pretend to be Ruth's voice inside her own head. This often leads to Ruth arguing with “herself”, and everyone else denying hearing anything. It also leads to Ruth protesting “Get off my intercom!”.

[edit] Emily Maguire

  • On 2005-07-11, Chucko called up to report that Emily had been diagnosed with a bruised soft palate after what her throat specialist described as "vigorous oral sex". This led to Emily's nickname being changed to "Throatus Bruisus Maximus", Throat-tata, Throatalito (and other variations thereof).
  • Repeated references are made to Emily being teabagged by people, leading to Emily being given the nickname "Madam Scrotes" (and variations thereof).

[edit] Everyone, and the show itself

  • If someone on the show does not know the answer to a question or tries to guess an answer (but does not generally know what they are talking about), they are required to sing showtunes.
  • If a joke (whether on the show, or during a clip played on the Half-Baked Crackpot News) falls flat, Dave has a ready supply of clips to play, including:
  • Certain clips are frequently referenced and played. These include:
    • Harvey Korman (From the movie "First Family"): “Relationship?” Most times that anybody (including a reporter during the Half-Baked Crackpot News) says the word “relationship”, at least one person will echo back “Relationship?”, and the clip might be played as well.
    • Harvey Korman (From the movie "First Family"): “My mother? [pause] What about my mother?” When somebody refers to their mother, Dave will often add “What about your mother?”, and the clip might be played.
    • Charlize Theron (crying): “My mom…” The same circumstances as the Harvey Korman clip.
    • Sir Wilfrid (played by Charles Laughton): “The question is, were you lying then, are you lying now, or are you not in fact a chronic and habitual LIAR?!” Dropped on Boyer from time to time. Sometimes the full clip (Sir Wilfrid's entire exchange with Christine Helm, of which the line is the final part) is played. (Wikiquote has a transcript of the full exchange.)
  • Everybody on the show except Jill and Dave have their own "puppet", meaning that the others imitate their voice. Puppets include:
    • Boyer: A long and convoluted explanation, involving many polysyllabic words. The explanation is begun, mixed, and ended with a characteristic Boyer "grunt".
    • Baby Boyer: in a high-pitch imitation of a baby's voice, a long and convoluted explanation, involving many polysyllabic words. The explanation is begun, mixed, and ended with a characteristic Boyer "grunt".
    • Bromo: Nasal accent, begun with "uh" and ended with "crud".
    • Chainsaw: Extremely rough accent. Usually used for "I like [something]", or conversely, "I hate [something]".
    • Dumb Guy (not a show character): A slow, low-pitched, masculine voice.
    • Ruth 66: Similar in accent to the Bromo puppet, but more feminine. Also does not have the "uh" and "crud" of the Bromo puppet. Usually used specifically with Ruth quotes.
    • Shelly (and other women): An extremely whiny female voice, begun with "Meh!". Alternatively, used to jokingly call someone a "little whore, mm!" or "that little idiot (insert person or pronoun here)". The latter was spawned after Shelley said "That little idiot kicker Kaeding" After the New York Jets win over the San Diego Chargers in the 2005 AFC Playoffs when Nate Kaeding, a rookie at the time, was widely blamed for costing the team the game, missing a 43-yard field goal in overtime.
    • Wayne: A direct imitation of Wayne, usually applied to quotes from him. Examples:
      • "Daaave!"
      • (any reference to a "brown gal", meaning a woman who is Mexican.) also "Are you brown?"
      • "I'd like to bend you over like a taco"
      • "Where am I?"
      • "[Dave,]Are you gay?"
      • "I gotta go!" (Often performed by callers; Dave responds in the same puppet with "I'm already gone!")
    • Edward G. Robinson (not a show character) "Yeah, see!"
  • The show is usually the only radio show in San Diego to recognise that they work for ClearChannel, as some of their humor usually come of the expense of other ClearChannel employees, or the company itself. They sometimes play bits that includes radio DJs from other radio stations, also usually the only radio show to do that. And they make allusions to the commonly-perceived evil characteristic of ClearChannel, mostly by referring to the studio/transmission building as the "ClearChannel World Domination Headquarters".
  • Listeners call in whenever they hear something funny or outrageous that makes them perform an Acute Spontaneous Nasal Reflux, or ASNR (pronounced "asner"), also known as laughing substances (e.g. coffee) out through your nose. When these calls happen, Dave often makes reference to a granite sign above the studio door, which he says gives the show's mission statement: "Make 'em laugh it out their nose".

[edit] The J-K Conspiracy

The J-K Conspiracy is a movie produced by Dave, Shelly, and Chainsaw, directed by Chainsaw, and released in 2004. It stars the entire show, plus a number of celebrities (such as Bob Costas, Doug Flutie, Don Rickles, and Laura Schlessinger) and several notable listeners (including Listener Lex, Commander Butch, and Quiet-Talking James)4. It is sold on DVD, and proceeds fund the Grand-a-Day Every Day Giveaway.

The J through K section of Chainsaw's World Book encyclopedia has been stolen (a real event that took place several years before the movie was made), and in the movie, Chainsaw accuses Dave of stealing it.

1) [4]

[edit] The Trouble With Money

The Trouble with Money is a movie produced by Dave, Shelly, and Chainsaw. "Shamus O'Reilly is supposed to receive $1 million for a scandalous video-tape desperately wanted by notorious businessman Kaiser Poppo. Before Shamus arrives for the switch, Poppo's thugs accidentally give the money to Shamus look-alike Dave Rickards, a local radio host in the wrong place at the wrong time. Rickards is chased through the streets of downtown San Diego and onto a train, where he makes a clean get-away with the cash. Now Poppo not only wants the video-tape but his money back and must contend with the FBI, con men, and his long-time nemesis "The Greek". Despite advice from San Diego Mayor Jerry Sanders and Watergate legend G. Gordon Liddy, Rickards loses track of both the money and the video-tape. He is then tricked into a dramatic showdown with Kaiser Poppo and the secret of the video-tape is finally revealed. The ethos and pathos of this mostly daytime film noir evoke images of such classics as Casablanca, The Quiet Man, and Police Academy 9. Shot entirely in San Diego County, cameos from Bob Costas, Luke Walton and Bill Walton enrich this life-altering screwball/chase comedy..." (Quote taken from http://troublewithmoney.com/story.html)

[edit] Intro and outro music

These are the most popular/most played songs that are played either at the beginning, after the "Joke of the Day", during the show, or at the conclusion of the radio show. It is noteworthy that during the show, the "Classic Rock" format of 101.5 KGB is typically not followed in order to broaden the radio audience.

This is a partial list. Please expand it. Also try to keep it in alphabetical order by band/artist name, then title. Thank you!

[edit] Bumper songs

This is a partial list. Please expand it. Also try to keep it in alphabetical order by band/artist name, then title. Also keep in mind that intro/outro music differs from bumper music, as bumpers are played when going into or going out of commercial breaks. Thank you!

Sorted by artist name, then title.

[edit] Commercial songs

This is a partial list. Please expand it.

When one of the hosts performs an ad-lib commercial for a sponsor, a song plays in the background. Here are some of the more common ones, sorted by sponsor name.

[edit] External links