Craig Walton
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Craig Walton (born August 14, 1988 in Wales) is student studying Sociology and Football In Society at the University of Central Lancashire based in Preston. Walton is most notably known for his appearance in last summers Big Brother 8 in the UK where he finished sixth.
Walton lives on Liverpool Road in Wales and lives with his mother Audrey (46), father Jim (73) and his younger sister Sarah (4). He is commonly known by his peers by various different nicknames including Gaffer, Pugs, Cones, Nipples, Udders, Munich but the most common being Ladies Man.
'Pugs' as he in most commonly known is a massive fan of football as all who know him will testify and is a season ticket holder at Anfield where he follows his beloved 'Redmen', Liverpool Football Club. Club favourites of Walton's include Phil Babb, Steven Gerrard and Robbie Fowler.
Early life was hard for a young Craig Walton as he lived on a farm in Jersey where he grew up amongst various animals including his boyhood pal Whiticker, the pig. He lived in Jersey till the age of 8 where he then moved to Wales and enrolled at Tnucasisgup Primary School.
It was at school where he excelled in many subjects and only once he reached secondary school, were his European language skills made apparent and is now fluent in both French and Italian, along with his native Welsh. At Sdiaevahi High School pugs won various awards for his work including an excellence in Mathematics award and French award.
Along with Craig's educational excellence where he excelled, were also his sporting achievements where he represented Wales U'16s schoolboys. With Craigs father being English and his mother Danish, he was eligible to play for either of the three nationalities but choose Wales. He was somewhat of a trend-setter as whilst he played he always wore orange boots and a bra.
Craig shot to fame in the eighth edition of the UK's Big Brother where he appeared alongside fellow contestants such as Gertrude Schnell, Iain Fish and the eventual winner Gary Panface.
Controversy soon followed his national exposure in big brother as various media reports claimed Walton had been paying young male escorts to falate him and suck his nipples whilst he wore masks of famous celebrities whom he disliked.
Craig has recently been engaged to a miss Elisa Langton after the two met on social network site facebook. The two enjoyed a very brief honeymoon period sharing a passion for the footballer Cristiano Ronaldo. However Elisa soon got bored of the repetitive and mundane nature of Craig's obsession. Langton (114) finished their engagement much to the distress of Walton. From this point Walton's behaviour became erratic and strange showing many stalker like tendencies including hiding in bushes, phone tapping and kidnapping her beloved cat, mimsy.
Langton is now in a recluse believed to be in the region of Tibet.
In recent years Craig has had a major change and development to his lifestyle, after years of hearsay and rumours Craig has admitted he is a homosexual. The news of this dramatic change did not come as a surprise to his closet friends, Bill (69) said "I always knew young Craig was a gay lad, he had lots of posters of male idols in his bedroom, including Robbie Fowler, Steven Gerrard and Westlife" On the weekend Craig likes to mingle in the popular "Canal Street" in Manchester where he frequently gives male punters a high five as they walk past. Recently rumours are circulating that he is dating Abdul, the famous Christian Rockstar(44).
With his new found homosexuality and funky new boyfriend, Walton has teamed up with Irish Rock Group U2 in order to contribute to the fight against AIDS. He released his debut hit single "It's never been about AIDS" which reached a record low of entering the charts at number 1,327,583,636,346 but soared to number 1 in Ethiopia with a record 3 cassettes sold.
Due to a crazy lifestyle, Walton has been unable to cope with his stardom. It has been reported that Craig has resorted to self harm and has been physically abusing his band mates. An interview with lead singer, Bono revealed that Craig has been experiencing serious eating disorders. Craig will refuse to eat anything other than cold spam and tins of smartprice dog chews. When this bizarre behaviour is challenged Walton is reported to expel faeces and bite surrounding onlookers.
Recent reports have confirmed that Waltons recent stint in an Indonesian brothel/hospital were due to his attempted self-harm of his famous 'cones'. With the pressure of stardom taking its toll on Walton, he was reported as taking an ice-pick to the areola and trying to prize them away from his chest. Thankfully Walton was unsuccessful in his attempt and fans have sent reams of flumps, Walton favourite marshmallowy-treats, to the hospital to ensure his swift recovery.
Walton's brush with death led him to review his entire life plan. Whilst at the hospital Walton decided on a sex change operation and made the decision to become a female pornograaphy actress. Under the alias Lisa Sparxxx Walton won such prestigious awards as "gang bang queen" and claiming the gang bang world record by having sex with 919 men in one day during Eroticon 2004 in Warsaw. Walton created his own website after his debut in "Dirtier Debutants #4" starring Ed Powers, Lisasparxxx.com.
