Count Bobby
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Count Bobby (German: Graf Bobby) is a fictional Viennese comic figure that has been very popular for many years. The inventors of Count Bobby are unknown. Originally a popular figure in jokes, in the early 1950s Count Bobby became so popular that the jokes were collected in anthologies. Later, he was the main character in a number of films, played by Peter Alexander. Count Bobby has more recently also featured in computer games.
In most jokes about him, Bobby's fictional friend Rudi appears as a sidekick. Baron Mucki is also often mentioned. Bobby, Rudi and Mucki represent members of the Austrian nobility, though officially the use of noble titles was abolished with the founding of the Austrian First Republic in 1919.
Both Count Bobby and Baron Rudi are a little remote from daily life; their education is somewhat problematic; their intellectual abilities are only so-so; but their manners are impeccable. Both have a hard time making ends meet - but noblesse oblige! They speak in a slightly bored inflection in a nasal Viennese dialect known as Schönbrunnerdeutsch, or German as spoken at the Habsburg Imperial Court at Schönbrunn.
Baron Rudi is a little more versed in the ways of the actual world, more energetic and a little brighter, and thus the perfect foil for Bobby. Their stories range from the silly to the downright philosophical.
[edit] Count Bobby Jokes
[edit] A Night At The Opera
Count Bobby and Baron Rudi have gone to the opera to see the ballet. They are both very fond of ballerinas. During intermission, Bobby looks around with his opera glasses and then tells Rudi "You know who is here? Thesi Esterhazy is in the second box over there." Rudi says "Impossible! Thesi Esterhazy died last year." Bobby looks again and says "Oh really? Well, I would have sworn I saw her move just now..."
[edit] Etiquette
Count Bobby and Baron Rudi went to the Adriatic for their vacation. While Rudi lay on the beach watching all the pretty girls, Bobby went for a swim in the sea. All of a sudden, Rudi sees a shark heading for Bobby. Rudi grabs his knife, puts it between his teeth and swims to Bobby's aid. Just as the shark caught up with Bobby and is about to take a big bite, Rudi arrives, grabs the shark and stabs it again and again. While Rudi is stabbing the shark, Bobby swims back to shore; a few minutes later, Rudi also emerges, triumphantly brandishing his knife now dripping with shark's blood.
Bobby faints. All the pretty girls try to revive him, patting his cheeks, attempting mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, and throwing water on him. Finally, Bobby comes to and they help him to a lounge chair. Rudi exclaims "Well, I never! What was that all about? You managed to keep your senses together and then when you're safe, you faint. Why?" Bobby, his voice full of reproach, says "Rudi, how can you ask? Fish - with a knife!"
[edit] Progress
At a time when traveling to the Czech lands was easy, Bobby got on a train in the Waldviertel. He soon starts to chat with another traveler who tells Bobby that he is coming from Brno and going to Weitra. Bobby ponders this for a few moments and then says "You know, progress never ceases to amaze me. Here you are, coming from Brno and going to Weitra, and here I am, coming from Weitra and going to Brno...and we are both in the same compartment on the same train...I wonder how they do this." Bobby thinks some more. "Oh well, now I understand. You are facing this way, and I am facing that way!"
[edit] The Cover-Up
When Bobby was still better off financially, he had a manservant. One day he sent his manservant down to the Drogerie to get some insect repellant powder to fight the bedbugs. As his man is about to leave on the errand, Bobby calls him back and says "No, wait a minute, Johann. You can't just get bedbug powder. They know us at the Drogerie and they'll think we have bedbugs. We have to do this in a different way. You know what? Ask them to gift wrap it."
[edit] More Cover-Up
During the war, the food supply in Vienna got worse and worse. Rudi had recently inherited an estate from an uncle. Every now and then, Rudi was able to let Bobby have extra rations (which was strictly forbidden then). Once, Bobby sent Rudi a postcard to thank him for the extra rations. The next time the two met, Rudi told Bobby how stupid and dangerous it was to thank him for doing something illegal in a postcard that anybody could read. However, Rudi understood that good manners require sending thanks so he suggested that Bobby use abbreviations instead of words to hide the meaning of the message from outsiders. After more explanation, Bobby finally gets it.
So the next postcard from Bobby said: "Dearest Rudi, thank you so much for the two ch. and the dozen e. None of them broke. They were really welcomed. You know how hard it is to get food here in Vienna. Thank you very much again. I really appreciate your kindness. Sincerely, yours, Bobby. P.S. Did you hear A.H. on the radio last night? Ridiculous, isn't he?"
[edit] Think Globally
Count Bobby goes to Freytag, Berndt & Artaria, the mapmakers on Kohlmarkt, and asks to see their globes. The salesman shows him all the many globes in stock, large and small, illuminated, political and topographical, even some celestial globes, but Bobby isn't sure. Finally, the salesman runs out of globes to show Bobby. He asks Bobby exactly what kind of globe he wanted. Bobby thinks for a moment or two and says "You know, your globes here are all very nice, very nice indeed...yes...very interesting. All these countries.... But, I guess, I just want a globe of Austria."
[edit] Astro-Philosophy
Count Bobby and Rudi emerge from their favorite haunt in the center of Vienna. It is well past midnight, the night is clear and Rudi is in a philosophical mood. On Stephansplatz, he grabs Bobby by the arm, points upwards and says "Look at that, Bobby. Thousands of stars! Maybe millions of stars! And each and everyone of them is a sun like our sun! And maybe there is an Earth like our Earth circling around each of these millions of suns! And maybe on each of these earths somebody is looking up into the night sky like us, right now! Doesn't that make you feel one with the whole universe, Bobby?" And then Bobby says "Yes, Rudi, marvellous! And just think of it - these are just the stars of Vienna's first district!"
[edit] The Right Choice
Count Bobby arrives at the Eden bar in a brand new Mercedes. Rudi sees the car and says "Bobby, what happened? Yesterday you didn't have the money for a street car ticket and today you are driving a Mercedes!" Bobby answers "Well, Rudi, how shall I put it...it was a matter of choice. Last night, after you left, I ran into Marilise Kinsky. She was wearing a wonderful sable coat...and we started talking. After a while she told me she wanted to see nature at night. Well, I was at a loss. Where can you see nature at night? But she suggested we drive up Hoehenstrasse to the Kahlenberg. So, of course, I said that would be nice but that my car was being repaired. But she laughed and took me by the arm and we went out and there was her brand-new Mercedes. So we drove up the Hoehenstrasse, you know, and it drove very well. Anyway, when we arrived in the parking lot on Kahlenberg, we sat in the car and looked down on Vienna. Yes...really something to see from up there. And after a while, she leaned back, opened her fur coat and said "Bobby, you can take what you want. All is yours." So I took the car. The fur coat would have been too small for me."
[edit] Modern Management
Count Bobby goes to the bank to get some money from his account and asks for 1,500 Schilling-in hundreds. The cashier counts out the money. Bobby took the pile and started to put it in his wallet. The cashier says "Count, would you please count the money? It's possible I could have made a mistake." Bobby says "Well, if you think so...", and counts out the money: "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight..." and put its all in his wallet again. The cashier says "Count, very sorry to inconvenience you again, but why didn't you finish counting?" Bobby shrugs and says "Well, you know...I was sent to this management seminar the other day...very interesting...yes, interesting, anyway they explained that these days one uses statistical methods more and more instead of checking every least bit...so if it is correct up to eight, it will probably be correct up to fifteen, too!"
[edit] The Great Hunter
Count Bobby goes into his local Drogerie and asks for a dozen mothballs. After half an hour or so he is back and asks for another dozen; another half hour, and he comes back for two dozen more. The salesman asks Bobby why he needs so many mothballs. Bobby says "Well, you know, you are probably more skilled at this than I am. But I find it really hard to hit the moths with these balls."
[edit] Step By Step
Count Bobby is living in a rented room. One evening he knocks on the kitchen door. The landlady opens the door and Bobby politely asks for a glass of water. After five minutes, he is back, full of apologies, and asks whether he could trouble her for another glass of water, maybe even a Kruegel (a half liter). A few minutes later, Bobbie knocks again and asks whether he might have a small bucket of water? The landlady asks "Well, of course, Count. But why do you need so much water?" Bobby says "Well, what can I say...I am really so sorry to trouble you...but you see, originally only the curtain was on fire."
[edit] History
Count Bobby asks "Do you know what I'm doing, Rudi? You'll never guess!" Rudi says "Well, tell me then." Bobby says "I'm reading a book!" "Really?" Rudi says. "Well...I'll be. What's it about?" Bobby says "Napoleon! And it is really exciting!" Rudi thinks for a minute and asks "Have you reached the part where he's in Moscow yet?" Bobby exclaims "Rudi! Please. Don't tell me how it ends!"
[edit] The Savings Plan
In the good old days, when we still had the Schilling and it was still worth something, Count Bobby and Rudi decided to go to the Gaensehaeufel, a very nice public beach on the Old Danube. They marched to the nearest streetcar stop; when the streetcar arrived, Bobby got on. But Rudi stayed behind. The streetcar started to move and Rudi ran behind it. When the streetcar stopped at the next stop, Rudi caught up, but again didn't get on. Finally, both the streetcar and an exhausted Rudi reached the Gaensehaeufel. Bobby said "Well, I'll be. What was that all about?" Rudi said "Obvious-pant, pant-isn't it? I saved-pant, pant-I saved three Schillings by running behind the streetcar instead of-pant, pant-getting on it." Bobby says "Oh well, now I understand...(long pause)...but why didn't you run after a taxi? You could have saved 50 Schillings that way!"
[edit] Game Theory
Count Bobby and Rudi are bored. Rudi says "You know what, Bobby? Let's play a game." Bobby says "A game? Well, if you say so...as long as it's not too complicated." Rudi says "Not at all! We will both think of a number and the higher number wins!" Bobby thinks for a minute and says "The higher number wins, you say? I guess we can try." Rudi asks "Have you thought of a number?" Bobby says "Yes. What number did you think of?" Rudi says "Two." Bobby groans and says "Well, I told you, I'm not good at games...you win."
[edit] More Game Theory
Bobby and Rudi are still bored. Rudi takes out his wallet, removes some bills, hides them in his fist and tells Bobby "If you can guess how much money I have in my hand, the 25 Schillings are yours!" Bobby stares at Rudi's fist for a while, then slumps in his chair and says "Oh well, 25 Schillings aren't worth the effort of guessing."
[edit] The Weight Of Time
Count Bobby is walking past the Imperial Hotel on the Ringstrasse when he sees Rudi struggling to carry a large pendulum wall clock. Feeling helpful, Bobby taps Rudi on the shoulder, points to his own wristwatch and says "Rudi, why didn't you buy one of these? Much more sensible."
[edit] It's A Matter Of....
Count Bobby and Rudi decide to go windowshopping along Vienna's primary shopping street, the Mariahilferstrasse. Bobby walks beside the curb, tapping his walking-stick in the street gutter instead of on the sidewalk. Rudi asks, "Bobby, why are you walking so far away from the shop windows?" Bobby answers, "My walking stick is too long." Rudi says, "Well, why don't you make it shorter?" Bobby sighs, "But the silver handle is too nice to cut off." "Well then," Rudi says, "why not cut off the other end?" And Bobby replies, "But Rudi, it's not too long down there!"
[edit] Films
[edit] 1961: The Adventures of Count Bobby (Director: Geza von Cziffra):
Count Bobby has a big castle but no money, that's why he has to play the entertainer for some tourists, who want to visit his castle. Finally he sees an opportunity to gain some money, but his aunt gets ill, so he has to dress himself as a woman in order to accompany the milionaire's daughter Mary during her voyage through Europe. But he hasn't thought about Baron Mucki, who has been engaged as a private detective by Mary's father...
[edit] 1962: The Sweet Life of Count Bobby (Director: Geza von Cziffra):
Count Bobby and Baron Mucki are working together as private detectives, but they aren't very successful... Suddenly they get hired to investigate the disappearance of some girls in southern Europe. That's why they have to dress as women. Count Bobby becomes the chief woman of a dancing group. When they make a tour through the Atlantic Ocean he recognizes that he is in deep trouble...
[edit] 1965: Count Bobby, The Terror of The Wild West (Director: Paul Martin):
Count Bobby gets to know that his uncle from Arizona has died. So he journeys to Arizona because he wants to inspect his new possessions. But Doc Harper is after the Count's new house. So Bobby and Mucki have to defend themselves with guns and roses...
[edit] Computer Games
Since 2005 several freeware computer games have been produced about Count Bobby by Le Woltaire, in which however the Count's title has been translated as "Earl" to make the figure more distinctive. These games are classic point and click adventures and consist of very simple joke like stories.
Le Woltaire's Earl Bobby is a Scottish relative of the Austrian count. He always loses things because he suffers from dementia. So the player has to help Bobby in finding his important objects. He has to interact with several characters like Baron Mucki to do so.
[edit] 2005: Earl Bobby is looking for his Shoes:
Bobby has to look for his shoes in his own castle.
[edit] 2007: Earl Bobby is looking for his Balls:
Bobby has to look for his balls on a golf course.
