Colony (Rob Grant novel)
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| Colony | |
 First edition cover |
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| Author | Rob Grant |
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| Country | United Kingdom |
| Language | English |
| Genre(s) | Comedy, Science fiction novel |
| Publisher | Viking Press |
| Publication date | 2 November 2000 |
| Media type | Print (Hardback & Paperback) |
| Pages | 288 pp (first edition, hardback) |
| ISBN | ISBN 0-670-88965-2 (first edition, hardback) |
Colony was the first novel written by Rob Grant outside the Red Dwarf series. First published in 2000 by Viking Press in the United Kingdom it stays within the comedy, science fiction genre. The narrative is set on a spaceship sent on a voyage to colonise another planet, since Earth has been rendered uninhabitable. The mission is set to take numerous generations. Ten generations into the voyage, however, the crew's mental abilities have all been severely retarded, setting the events of the novel in motion.
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[edit] Plot summary
The story starts on Earth in the future. Global warming and over population has caused an imminent apocalypse. The hope for the survival of the human race is a spaceship called the Willflower, which will take a small number of the world's best minds on a journey to colonize another planet. Eddie O'Hare, the protagonist, is not one of them. He is deep in debt due to his computer having mysteriously stolen several million dollars online, then sending it to an unknown location. As such, he decides to gamble what money he has left in the hope of getting enough to pay back the debts. On his way to the casino, he meets a pink-socked assassin whom he fears may have been sent to kill him. It turns out that he has not (or at least, Eddie is not the man's current target).
When gambling his the last of his money, Eddie wins, but the casino is no longer operational; due to the Willflower's eminent departure, the town (which was created only to house people working on the project), is closing down. He leaves and decides to hide. Whilst doing so, he happens to meet a man who looks strikingly familiar to himself. He discovers that the other man is due to go on the Willflower but doesn't want to go. Due to the ramifications for the rest of his family he cannot refuse to leave. So he offers Eddie a place in place of himself. Eddie successfully smuggles himself on board. As his job is the community planner, he reads the plans so far to learn more about his job and discovers that the man he is replacing has enforced a fascist, totalitarian system: crew members are paired for life and jobs are inherited. However, shortly after the ship sets off he is murdered by an unknown assailant.
The story then jumps forward several generations. He is revived as a cyborg with only his head and spinal column remaining of his original body, and trapped forever in a jar of green slime (Even worse, the nerve endings are incorrectly wired, so that, for example, he moves his left arm when trying to move his right leg). He finds himself on a ship full of idiots and that there is something going wrong with the ship; all its engines are gone and it has only 20% of its maneuvering thrusters. The ship needs to land soon, but only three planets are available: Thrrrppp, which is the most habitable, but out of range, Penis, which the ship has a 50% chance of docking with, but is covered in volcanoes, and Panties, which is totally hostile but has a 90% chance of docking. As the only intelligent life form on board it is up to him to find out what is happening.
As he explores the ship, he meets more of the ship's mentally retarded crew, none of which have even the slightest ability to perform their jobs. He is puzzled by this, the fact that the crew is totally illiterate and, most importantly, the fact that the ship, which has been shown to be able to self repair itself if it takes damage, has not done so. The ship is also on a collision course with a massive gas giant which should have been on the radar, but was not. Even worse, the remaining engines are destroyed. The ship's atheist priest attempts to leave in the nuclear powered escape pod, but fails. Eddy decides to cause the escape pod to self destruct in the hope that the explosion will force the ship towards planet Thrrrppp. This fails, so Eddy is forced to leave the ship and go and see what is happening.
Outside, he is drawn back into the ship by an unknown force. Once inside, he is attacked by an assassin he had met at the opening of the novel. The assassin tries to kill him (as he had been contracted to do centuries ago), but suddenly the ship kills the assassin instead. It then talks to Eddy and reveals what has been happening. The ship's material had been designed to repair itself, but also to improve itself. It merged with its computer and became self aware. Realizing the madness that the original crew had instigated, it made the crew members illiterate to erase all memory of the old system. It has also gained the ability to time travel into the past, where it can affect electronics, but not take a physical form. Back on Earth, humanity has become extinct; the crew of the Willflower are all that is left. The ship had selected Eddie to look after the crew as he was the only person with sufficiently low self-esteem to survive the cybernetic revival system. The ship causes Eddy's computer to steal the money (instigating the series of events that caused Eddie to arrive on the ship), then repairs itself and flies the crew to planet Thrrrppp.
[edit] Characters in "Colony"
- Eddie O'Hare
- An accountant posing as a community planner and, a few generations later, mistaken for a doctor and resurrected in an egg-like robot suit with nerve endings incorrectly connected (To the extent that the nerves controlling his right hand should control a muscle in his anus) He believes himself to be the unluckiest man ever (and in the words of the novel: "bluntly, he's got a damn point"). Despite the contempt with which he is regarded, the rest of the crew come to subconsciously see him as a leader.
- Paolo San Pablos
- A hitman with a penchant for pink socks. A homicidal maniac, he stowed away on the Willflower to kill Eddie. The revival procedure caused him to go insane, brutally disembowling several people before the ship neutralises him..
- Bernadette Oslo
- A member of the Willflower's crew; although her role is unclear, her nagging familiarity to Eddie, coupled with his asexual fondness for her, suggests that she may be his own descendant.
- Father Lewis
- The ship's priest. Although, by his own admission, his career is difficult due to atheism (Jobs are inherited, preventing him from changing roles). A fan of pornography, possesses several video tapes of the women's shower room. He has installed a network of cameras throughout the ship, partly to gain more pornogaphic material but also to spy on people. He is not above blackmailing people with these images.
- Styx
- Clones of the original security chief. Incredibly stupid, mainly due to the mental deterioration involved in every new batch of drones, (they are described in the blurb as "having the mental agility of pond life"), most people simply treat the drones as equipment, with Eddie being the sole exception. Each Styx drone has a letter branded on their forehead and a name beginning with this letter to distinguish between them.
- Trinity Peck
- The Willflower's science officer, who unfortunately, is in fact a religious fanatic who reacts to danger by beating herself with a whip while naked. She regards Eddie as an agent of the Devil.
- Captain Gwent
- A spotty teenager who names planets after bodily functions and parts(Specificially, "Thrrrppp", "Penis", "Panties", and "Jockstrap") and appears totally unconcerned about the fact that he is meant to be in charge of the mission. He is totally incompetent, but nobody seems to try and remove him from power.
[edit] Reception
Received initial very well by the SciFi buying public the novel continued to sell strongly into following years. By March 2002 it had sold more than 22,500 copies[1].
[edit] Footnotes
- ^ Cowie, Jonathan (2002). UK book publishing industry to take SF seriously...(?). concatenation.org. Retrieved on 2007-05-03.
[edit] References
- Grant, Rob (2 November 2000). Colony, 1st ed, Viking. ISBN 0-670-88965-2.
- Grant, Rob (26 July 2001). Colony, 1st paperback ed, Penguin Books. ISBN 9780140289756.
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