User:Captain Zyrain/Dating seminar points

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I went to a seminar last week on how to attract women; here are some points I wrote down, which I have arbitrarily divided into categories. I hereby release all this content into the public domain. Captain Zyrain 19:25, 26 September 2007 (UTC)

Contents 1 Confidence/openers/body language 2 Date ideas 3 Jobs 4 Interpreting body language 5 Miscellaneous

[edit] Confidence/openers/body language

Somebody asked what openers are good to use. He said, You can get all kinds of openers off the internet, so he's not going to spend a lot of time on that. Openers are useful but first start social interaction. You can have a good opener but if you're not confident, it will not be congruent. You will really mess up the girl's head, because she will think, "That is such a good opener but this guy is really creepy."

As social animals, the more social we are, the more attractive we are. Women look for that in their mate partly for biological reasons. If you are comfortable going up to people you don't know and talking to them, don't you think that will come in handy sometime down the road? What if you get lost and need to ask for directions?

There is a theory that women are more socially aware than we will ever be. They get a head start, beginning in childhood. We play with tanks, guns, killing each other, etc. They play with dolls, making up what-if scenarios, etc. Their activities are more geared toward building social skills. So, we have to work at gaining social skills.

Don't be afraid of rejection. If you talk to a woman for five minutes and she rejects you, consider: What is she rejecting? She's rejecting those first five minutes and the way that you presented yourself. So, don't take it so hard. Keep practicing. Learn from each experience, and move on. He said, "Do you have any idea how many girls are in DC? There's not enough time to talk to all of them. That should be the frame."

On the other hand, if you are getting rejected in the first five seconds, there's probably something really wrong with your body language. The way to improve is to interact with more people. You can try being aware of people's body language and mirroring it.

The way to improve body language is to have more social interaction. Use any chance you have to be social. Live on the edge. Suppose last week you didn't talk to anyone. This week talk to someone. Chat with store clerks, etc. Think about being confident, and about people that are confident. Think, How would a confident person act? He mentioned that weak and macho body language are both covering insecurity.

Everything you're now successful in is only because you went through those mistakes. We can look at Tiger Woods and say, "That's impossible." Similarly, we can look at guys who seem really smooth and able to attract women, and we think, "That's impossible." No, you put in the effort and practice.

In talking about the importance of confidence, he used the example of a horse. A horse, being a very sensitive animal, can pick up on your state of mind and mannerisms as you approach and know whether you will be a good rider or not. Women are also able to know whether or not you are experienced. They enjoy having a "good rider" – i.e. someone who's confident, fun, knows what they're doing, etc. Those things come with experience.

The reality of a guy is that if we do nothing, then nothing happens. The reality of a girl is that unless someone asks her out, then nothing is going to happen. So, it is good to ask girls out. If she says no, then you haven't made her day worse - you made it better in that someone made the effort to ask her out.

Try following the three-second rule, which is to approach the girl within three seconds. Our minds will come up with all kinds of excuses for why we can't talk to a girl. We'll say, "She's eating," or "She's drinking," or "She's smoking." Why is she outside smoking? It's because she's waiting for something more interesting to do. He saw a girl jogging with makeup on and thought, "That's the stupidest thing I've ever seen," but the point is that even though she's engaged in an activity, she's obviously trying to attract someone to talk to her.

A woman just wants a man. You already have everything. You just need to believe that you have everything. You are the rock and they'll love you for it. You are the guy who's there for her when she has a bad day and is all upset.

The frame of interaction is, We're having fun. You go out to be entertained. She loves the attention. So, it's a win-win situation.

He also said, Your looks don't really matter that much. Good looks will only keep her interested for about five minutes. On the other hand, if you have a lot of other stuff going for you she's not going to care that much whether you're short, tall, (insert list of other physical attributes here) ...

Someone asked, is it bad to start hitting on a girl at a bar when she has her friend with her? He said, when there are two girls, that can be a problem, because the other girl has nothing to do while you're talking to her friend. If there is only one girl, you're okay, and if there are three girls, you're okay, because the other two can talk to each other. Figure out, who's the alpha girl making all the decisions?

Banter with girls, like she's your bratty little sister. E.g., if you meet a girl on the street and ask her where the train station is and she doesn't know, say, "Oh my gosh, you're fired. I came to the big city, and didn't know how to get anywhere, and here I thought I had finally found my guide..."

Plow through and improve yourself. Be relaxed. You are not in a jungle. You are not in a war zone. Why should you be nervous? Your internal state is affecting the other person.

It's attractive to girls when you are not desperate ( i.e. you don't feel that she is the only girl you have to choose from). She's looking for is a guy who says, I have options and I'm picking you.

There are different approaches to use during the daytime, as opposed to at a club or something. During the day, she's in the mental state of doing something else. Ask a very expected question, e.g. "Where is the nearest ATM?"

[edit] Date ideas

First, pick something that you like that she might like too. Change your mind if she actually gives a good reason for doing what she wants to do. But don't just always give in right away to whatever she wants. A woman wants to know what kind of man you are. Are you the kind of guy who sticks to his guns? After you get married, and you run into a tough situation, will you stick to your guns or will you just do what's easy?

Remember that your role is to take the initiative. A girl goes out hoping to have fun. You have to actually build your reality. (I.e., you are the one who organizes the date and is in charge of making it fun.) You can go on the internet and find some ideas for dates. Pick something other than the societal norms. If you take her out to dinner and movies and a walk in the park and then drop her off at home and kiss her on the cheek and say you had a wonderful time, you're going to seem like a douchebag because you just followed all the societal norms. Be unpredictable; they like it. E.g., on his girlfriend's birthday, in August, he told her to grab a sweater because they were going out. He took her to Luray Caverns, which he found out about on the internet and thought sounded fun.

Have three possible dates already figured out that you can ask a girl out on. Talk to her and then pick one of the three that you think she would like, based on what you've learned.

[edit] Jobs

The job you have now is not so important. Women are looking for a guy who knows what he wants and is actually working toward a life that he likes. If you work at Taco Bell and a girl asks you about your job, you could say, "I work at Taco Bell right now, but I'm a rock band, we're starting to do some gigs, and our goal is to make it really big in a few years..."

It's not so important to her that you're an accountant. Explain why you're an accountant. Your job can be anything. She wants to know, What are the passions in your life?

Guys think that the beautiful girls wants a millionaire who's a lawyer and has a sports car, mansion, etc. But chances are, she's already tried that and been bored - otherwise, she'd be married to one of those guys.

A girl wants to know that you don't just want her because she's good-looking. In 5-10 years, that's over, and she knows that. You better have something else.

One of the classic openers is, "I work at Taco Bell in the back, chopping the lettuce. But in a week, I am going to get promoted to working at the front counter, which means there will be an opening for you to take over my job chopping the lettuce. And if we work really hard, in ten years, we'll run the whole place." Rather than give one of the usual answers, you say something that's obviously a joke.

[edit] Interpreting body language

Someone asked, What about her body language? Are there certain things we should look for to see if she's not interested? He said, the way he looks at it is that he doesn't care. He's going to do his best to make her attracted to him. But there are certain cues you can watch for. If she starts brushing herself, she's interested. If she looks down, it's like she's inviting you to look at her, i.e. "Look! I'm not looking! Do you like it? Do you want to buy?"

Women tend to avoid directly saying they're not interested, because they know you're going to feel bad. If she has to actually verbalize that she's not interested, you missed about 100 cues.

[edit] Miscellaneous

Have fun! We're taking this too seriously.

Bear in mind, throughout the whole process of dating, women are trying to figure out, What kind of guy is this? Is he the kind of man I want to marry, or is he another one of these douchebags? If they lack any other information, women will tend to take what you do in those first five minutes and extrapolate it over the next 30 years. If you're already getting tiresome after five minutes, it's going to be a long 30 years.

Find that attainability sweet spot, where you are not too available and not too unavailable. If you're too available, there's no mystery. If you wait a week before calling, you're too unavailable. It makes you seem uninterested.

You don't want to talk with a girl and hide your intention. He always tells women, "I'm not looking for a serious relationship, but I'm open to it." If you are very honest, it is very flattering.