User:Captain Crawdad

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[edit] WELCOME TO CAPTAIN CRAWDAD: THE INTERACTIVE USER PAGE!

You are CAPTAIN CRAWDAD, a plucky bottom-feeder in a maverick company of aquatic soldiers called Crusty's Commandos. The bloody Carapace Wars continue to rage between the glorious Shrimp Armada and the dreaded Mollusks of Coral Reef Nine. During a bombing run on the enemy treasury, a surprise mussel attack separates you from your squad. You are now alone and in enemy territory. You must find the Pearl Bed, detonate your explosives, and make it back home to Barnacle City by any means necessary. Good luck, Captain!

You are in a HERMIT SHELL BUNKER. There is an exit to the NORTH.

>: Inventory

You have a Scallop Gun with 30 shells, a suit of X-O skeletal armor, a brace of high explosives, and two mean-ass pinchers.

>: Norht

I'm sorry, but I really don't understand just what the hell it is you're trying to tell me right now.

>: North

You are in a CLAM FIELD. Rows of open, hungry CLAMS surround you on all sides. There are exits to the WEST and NORTH.

>: West

You delicately pick your way through the clams without losing any legs.

You are in a LIMPET MINE. A narrow tunnel stretches out before you into the dark. Up ahead, a sleek boulder moves out from the dark and blocks your path. Oh, no! It's a massive LIMPET! The huge beast rears back to make a ponderous charge. Without reinforcements or a defensible position, you won't last long in this fight! There is an exit to the EAST.

>: East

The Limpet gives chase as you flee the mine. You are in a CLAM FIELD. Rows of open, hungry CLAMS surround you on all sides. There are exits to the WEST and NORTH.

The Limpet skirts the edges of the clams, growling viciously. You can't leave the field without it clobbering you. It's an aquatic stand-off! A clump of seaweed floats by in the afternoon current.

>: Eat Seaweed

You make a lunge for the seaweed drifting by, but lose your balance and nearly fall into the gaping maw of a clam. The footing here is too perilous for sudden movements. The Limpet growls uselessly, but is unwilling to enter the dangerous clam field.

>: Fire lasers

Lacking a laser gun, you grab the next best thing, your trusty Scallop Gun, and fire a few volleys randomly around you. You hear a pitiful wail and turn to see the Limpet collapse into a pile of gore. It must have been hit by a stray razor-shell. That was lucky.

>: Eat raw, still-warm, quivering flesh of limpet

You descend into barbarism and sample a piece of Limpet, finding it to be gristly and virtually flavorless, though with a slightly sour aftertaste. You haven't worked up much of an appetite, however, and you still have a long journey ahead of you.

>: NORTH

You go NORTH. You are in a COMM STATION. A small BABELFISH RADIO floats in the center of the station, staring at you inquisitively. The former communications officer, an undersized SQUID, lies burnt to a crisp. Musta been hit by a stray depth charge. To the NORTH and WEST are massive BLAST DOORS.

>: Use BABELFISH RADIO

You tweak the babelfish's fin until it makes a shrill ringing sound. After a few moments it garbles, "Who is indentity your? Declare your number of recognition. Ended."

>:Say FORTY-TWO ENDED

There is a short pause, then the Babelfish garbles, "Not there is such officer on the file. Transmission is end." The Babelfish shuts its mouth and begins absently floating in place once more.

><bulimia>:Eat Babelfish; then Purge</bulimia>