User:Camberwell

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THE FOLLOWING SHOULD ALWAYS BE CONSIDERED "WORK IN PROGRESS" UNTIL IT STOPS.

Some Wikipedians may wonder wot iym abart. So, in strict chronological order, here are some significant life moments that have helped shape me:

  • I was born in Jamaica. Expelled from my mother feet first in what is known as breech birth.
  • I was obviously male.
  • I was blue initially, then pink. A Caucasian.
  • I was two weeks old when rushed to hospital after some serious projectile vomiting. I had pyloric stenosis.
  • I died during the surgical procedure, pyloromyotomy, to correct the stenosis. My heart stopped beating and I turned blue again.
  • I was urgently and intensely attended to until I turned pink again.
  • I took receipt of a puppy which I named "Midge". Because, my parents told me later, evening midges and mosquitoes were buzzing about when one landed on my arm and I promptly swatted exclaiming "naughty Midge!"; my puppy came bounding up to me. Midge later proved to be a crucial addition to my life...
  • I lost the end of one of my fingers when a door slammed shut during a hurricane.
  • I loved evenings spent on our verandah listening to father, an engineer, fine trumpeter and composer, play modern jazz and calypso with local as well as American and European musicians.
  • I fell drunk into our swimming pool during a party after drinking the dregs from peoples glasses/bottles. My constant companion, Midge, alerted some kind people.
  • I was dragged from the water and found to be blue again.
  • I was pumped a lot and had air forced into my lungs before I turned pink again.
  • I was later handled by Noel Coward...I simply adore his music and lyrics.
  • I received a donkey to ride upon around the Ewarton countryside as I tended to wander off alone for hours collecting plants, insects and smelly dead things. I named my donkey "Pedro".
  • I became inconsolable when Pedro was killed by a sugar cane lorry and Midge seriously injured. Thrown clear as Pedro took the impact, I suffered only minor cuts and bruises.
  • I think mother came close to a nervous breakdown soon after this incident when my sister ate Belladonna flowers and almost died. Though my poisoned sister allegedly tried running across the ceiling, she was kept in a bath of ice for a day to reduce her temperature and hallucinations. The whole neighbourhood ferried ice from their fridges to keep her from dying.
  • I and my sister were hurriedly brought to England by my parents.
  • I immediately detested the British weather which, in return, displayed its detestation of me and promptly gave me Pneumonia.
  • I endured months of near insufferable pain due to surgery which needed to be corrected twice in Guy's Hospital, London.
  • I discovered "Systema Naturae" by Carolus Linnaeus amongst my grandparents books during a long period of convalescence.
  • I was given the King James Bible to read and encouraged to think about it.
  • I determined myself an atheist by the time I had reached the end of the Old Testament.
  • I loved natural history. A passion which had developed whilst immersing myself in the flora and fauna of Jamaica.
  • I knew I was Homosexual by the age of 8 (well, bi-sexual really but some within what's called the gay community think that's a cop-out)
  • I finally reached the age of ten!
  • I had also concluded I would be a firm believer in Free Speech.
  • I was opposed to any form of Censorship.
  • I had read all the English, French, American and Russian literary classics and more besides.
  • I was by now proficient at seducing men...to talk and debate with...to hike and camp with...to listen and discuss music with...to explore my sexuality with.
  • I was an avid lover of music and hitch-hiked to the Isle of Wight Festival to see Jimi Hendrix perform - I was thoroughly disappointed with him and highly impressed by the lyrical genius of Joni Mitchell.
  • I travelled to Trinidad with father as he had work to complete at the Texaco Oil Refinery near San Fernando. We sat sweltering in the plane on the airport runway as I watched the Trinidadian police accompany Abdul Malik (Michael X) from somewhere at the airport to a waiting vehicle. This was to be the closest I ever got to seeing a bit of Islamic radicalism.
  • I rejected any and all fundamentalist ideologies. They disturb strong antipathies in an atheist.
  • I suffered alcohol poisoning during the Trinidadian carnival and lost two days of consciousness. As if my first encounter with alcohol hadn't been bad enough! I have not touched alcohol since.
  • I returned to England sobbing on the plane as the captain announced the temperatures in Port of Spain: 80ºF and London: below 32ºF.
  • I evolved into a political activist and held memberships with several pressure groups. Including, CND, Anti-Nazi League, Gay Liberation Front and other Human Rights groups which splintered. Don't they all?
  • I would most probably have been described by some ignorant people as a Leftist.
  • I was really an humanitarian.
  • I had no political, nationalist, religious or other bias to endanger my humanitarianism.
  • I was not a Hippy.
  • I grew my hair long only to get wolf-whistled by some builders one day. Flattered.
  • I nevertheless had my hair cut promptly as I was not female. If I were going to get fucked by anyone...they had to know what it was they were fucking.
  • I did use LSD on a number of occasions. Though I did not use any other recreational drugs.
  • I am now pausing to make a cup of tea.
  • Oh, before I nip off, I should say:
  • I have been joined in Civil Partnership by a Jewish man I enjoy enormously.
  • I will be back later...