Talk:Cal Poly Mustang Band
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[edit] Suggestions
- do what needs to be done to eliminate the stub classification.
- proofread first paragraph
- make second paragraph less wordy
- give bulletted entries in History section parallel structure
- Directors section doesnt indicate difference between list and biographies. links on both biographies broken
- Marching Season--copy edit for word repetition and sentence sense and definition of unfamiliar terms. Rethink the heading for this section.
- Pep band needs copy editing for grammar.
- Introductory sentence to Sections needs tightening.
- Throughout, check use of its and it's--the first is possessive, the second a contraction
- Student officers section is very messy
Overall, this is adequate but seems to be packed with material that has little interest to the general reader, e.g. the full biographies of the director and assistant director and the detailed functions of all the officers. The most engaging information is provided in the discussion of the band's activities.
There is mention of a historian and of archives. This could be turned into a more lively article with stories about band history and accomplishments.
Grade available after copy editing. Further substantial changes can raise the grade.
Rudolph2007 20:22, 14 May 2007 (UTC)
sentence 2 and elsewhere--agreement--it vs. they functions in two different forms
spelling
contents: "the"
links
The rest of the season relies on Tuesday and Thursday rehearsals from 3:10-5:30 pm and some extra weekend rehearsals to perfect their shows.
Where they perform a few more songs before they make their way down to the field for the pre-game performance.
For every touch down the band plays the fight song and plays Mustang Sally for every field goal that the team makes.
and for other occasions
cadence?
where the band gets to do a uniform sort of dance
By playing at the Open House and WOW events the band is able to show itself to all prospective students and are able to use these events as a time for recruitment. who becomes that particular section's representative.
Baribones: Includes Baritones/Euphoniums and Trombones
parallelism in student officers
Every year the AEO puts on the annual band banquet. At this banquet the CEO, drum major, and directors hand out awards to the certain members of the band some examples are
Template:California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo
Rudolph2007 13:58, 24 May 2007 (UTC)
My last comments havent been addressed. Each quote consists of language that requires correction. B-
Rudolph2007 15:29, 27 May 2007 (UTC)
I still had to change baribones to baritones, but otherwise this looks good. A-
Rudolph2007 16:45, 30 May 2007 (UTC)
