Talk:Bettina Shaw-Lawrence

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An individual covered by or significantly related to this article, Bettina Shaw-Lawrence, has edited Wikipedia as Boselawrence (talk · contribs). This user's editing has included this article. Readers are encouraged to review Wikipedia:Autobiography for information concerning autobiographical articles on Wikipedia.

Have removed words such as "many", "prominent", "major" so as to increase neutrality. Could you help by giving me other specific concerns as it is always hard to edit one's own article. The intention of this article is to talk about an artist who was part of an artistic community that prevailed in England during the war until the late 60's, hence the references to galleries indeed prominent at that time, to other artists, poets ans sitters who were famous or became so later on. RegardsBoselawrence (talk) 14:26, 25 May 2008 (UTC)Boselawrence

PS If you are referring to User: Boselawrence talk , the comments refer to my first text which has been replaced by the one online.Boselawrence (talk) 17:33, 25 May 2008 (UTC)boselawrence

Have removed Cleanup tag since it is considered unappropriate for this article graded Startclass. Will go on reading remarks later on. ThanksBoselawrence (talk) 13:35, 28 May 2008 (UTC)Boselawrence

[edit] Clean-up

I've added some tags to clarify some of the problems which need cleaning up. The tone is still inappropriate, resembling a loving profile rather than an impartial artist's bio, with more than a few peacock words. The citations are poorly formatted (read WP:CITE). There are a lot of terms that should be wikilinked. There is some inappropriate capitalization and the like. There are some unsourced sweeping assertions that really don't belong in an article of this sort. --Orange Mike | Talk 13:47, 28 May 2008 (UTC)

Hello Orange Mike, Pleased to hear from you again. Will go over it again one point after another. So first I will deal with impartial words and then you can let me know what has been left out.Boselawrence (talk) 16:27, 28 May 2008 (UTC)Boselawrence

I'm sorry Orange Mike, it's all too much for me. I tried to delete what you might consider as peacok expressions and these changes were followed by a message announcing Editorial conflict and therefore I couldn't save them. For ex. I had written:"It was a time of intense creativity and artistic exchange" and wanted to delete the rest of the sentence added by someone else. I would never have made such an assertion but in the end I thought the person was referring to Lucian Freud. Boselawrence (talk) 17:16, 28 May 2008 (UTC)Boselawrence

Have just carried out a few changes in the lead. I hope it sounds more appropriate. I would have thought that the second citation was not needed since the answer is supplied by the article. As for the need of the first citation, I hope that the restructuring of the sentence makes it no longer necessary. What do you think?Boselawrence (talk) 14:01, 31 May 2008 (UTC)Boselawrence PS Will continue with the internal links next week. Too tired to go on.Boselawrence (talk) 22:17, 31 May 2008 (UTC)Boselawrence