Best Friend on the Payroll

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“Best Friend on the Payroll”
“Best Friend on the Payroll” cover
Song by Morrissey
Album Southpaw Grammar
Released August 28, 1995
Recorded March-April 1995
Genre Rock
Length 3:43
Label RCA
Writer Morrissey/Whyte
Producer Steve Lillywhite
Southpaw Grammar track listing
  1. "The Teachers Are Afraid of the Pupils"
  2. "Reader Meet Author"
  3. "The Boy Racer"
  4. "The Operation"
  5. "Dagenham Dave"
  6. "Do Your Best and Don't Worry"
  7. "Best Friend on the Payroll"
  8. "Southpaw"

"Best Friend on the Payroll" is a song performed by Morrissey on his album Southpaw Grammar. It was written by Morrissey and his guitarist Alain Whyte.

The lyrics to the track pushes the idea that friendship and business do not mix well, with the petulant opening lines "I turned the music down, and I don't know why - this is my house". Morrissey's habit of writing very much about his own personal life has led to theories that this song is about his former friend and employee 'Jake', with whom it is rumoured Morrissey had a romantic relationship. The defiant closing lines of "Oh no, it's not going to work out" suggest that the ending of that relationship was emphatic and permanent.