Talk:Benjamin Franklin Tilley

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Featured article star Benjamin Franklin Tilley is a featured article; it (or a previous version of it) has been identified as one of the best articles produced by the Wikipedia community. Even so, if you can update or improve it, please do.
An entry from this article appeared on Wikipedia's Main Page in the Did you know? column on May 23, 2006.

[edit] GA on hold

I have reviewed this article according to the GA criteria. There are a few things that need to be fixed before I'll pass the article.

  1. "After the war, Tilley was made the first acting-Governor of Tutuila and Manua (later called American Samoa) and set many of the legal and administrative precedents of that new territory." Change "that" to "the". It is used several times throughout the rest of the article. It would be best to reword those also.
    • Done.
  1. "During the American Civil War, Tilley enrolled into the United States Naval Academy and was made a midshipman (officer cadet) in 1863, while he was only 15." I think "enrolled in" or "was enrolled in" sounds better. Change it if you like.
    • Done.
  1. "During the Great railroad strike of 1877, Tilley was serving on board the USS Plymouth when his ship was dispatched to Alexandria, Virginia and elsewhere to help quell the unrest there." The last part of the sentence sounds a little confusing: "...and elsewhere to help quell the unrest there." Was he dispatched to quell the unrest in Alexandria or quell the unrest in elsewhere. I'd recommend removing elsewhere. In the next sentence "By 1882, he was serving at the United States Naval Academy, and continued to serve there on and off over the next several years." reword it so you don't have "there" used the same way as the prior sentence; consider elaborating a little more.
    • Done.
  1. "Three years later, he was made the head of the Academy's Department of Astronomy, Navigation, and Surveying.[6] He was promoted to lieutenant commander by July 1888." Consider combining the two sentences.
    • Done (via a rewrite).
  1. Fix the link for ordnance, it goes to a disambiguation page.
    • Done - linked to naval ordnance.
  1. "During the Chilean Civil War, the San Francisco transported troops to Santiago, Chile to aid in the protection of the consulate there." Reword to remove "there".
    • Done.
  1. "American involvement in the island would continue off and on until February 13, 1878 when the Senate ratified a treaty with a Samoan delegation to Washington that gave the country diplomatic recognition and gave the United States Navy permission to build a Naval Station there." Break this up into two sentences, remove "there".
    • Done.
  1. "On June 10, 1899, the western powers signed the Treaty of Berlin which partitioned Samoa, giving the eastern part, with Tutuila as the largest island, to the United States, while the Germans took over the larger western part around Upolu and Savai'i." Consider breaking this up into two sentences. Maybe "...partitioned Samoa, into two parts. The eastern part, with Tutuila as the largest island, went to the United States, while Germany took control over the larger western part around Upolu and Savai'i."
    • Done.
  1. Add an inline citation for "News of this arrangement did not reach Tilley and the islands until December 6, 1899."
    • Done.
  1. "Tilley notified the local chiefs of the treaty but construction remained his most pressing issue and he was forced to leave the island for two months to pick up supplies and coal at Auckland, New Zealand." Reword to "Although Tilley notified the local chiefs of the treaty, construction of the naval yard remained his most pressing issue and he was forced to leave the island for two months to pick up supplies and coal in Auckland, New Zealand." or something similar to it.
    • Done. How does that sound?
  1. "Tilley's first task in his new role was to negotiate a Deed of Cession with the local powers, to formally and peacefully transfer control to the United States." Either remove the comma or reword to "...local powers, which would formally...".
    • Done.
  1. "On Tutuila in 1900, there were two minor governments, historically subordinated to Upolu, then recently part of German Samoa." Reword this sentence, it doesn't make sense.
    • Better?
  1. "Manu'a would not formally sign the Deed until 1904, under some duress." Add inline citation.
    • Done. And I have changed the wording as "duress" may have been too harsh. (It was more of a negotiation. The US demonstrated control with or without the signature.) JRP 01:04, 21 April 2007 (UTC)
  1. "He also partitioned the territory into three districts, along the lines of the three local governments implicitly acknowledged in the Deed of Cession: two on Tutuila and the third on Manu'a, despite that island not yet considering themselves part of the territory." Change last part to "...despite the leaders on that island not yet...".
    • Done.
  1. Fix the link for skipjack, it goes to a disambiguation page.
    • Done.
  1. "In one case, a native had caught a skipjack, under Samoan law a sacred fish which can only be eaten with prior permission of a local chief." Reword to "In one case a native had caught and eaten a skipjack, and according to Samoan law, the sacred fish can only be eaten with prior permission of a local chief."
    • Done.
  1. "In a criminal proceeding on which Tilley sat as a judge, the chief was sentenced to a year "house arrest" and ordered to pay compensation for destroyed property." "a year of "house arrest"".
    • Done.
  1. "On November 9, 1901, two days after returning from leave and with his wife visiting from the United States, Tilley was given a court martial on these charges." Remove and from "leave and with".
    • Done.
  1. Consider renaming the last section Death or add it to the title to make it easier for the reader to search the table of contents.
    • Done.

This is all mainly really simple grammar things that need to be fixed, plus two inline citations that should be added. I'll leave the article on hold for seven days, and after that point will pass it or fail it based on the completion of the above suggestions. When you are done or if you have any questions, please let me know on my talk page and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. --Nehrams2020 23:49, 12 April 2007 (UTC)

I have returned from vacation and made all of the corrections that you requested. Please let me know how this looks to you now. JRP 01:04, 21 April 2007 (UTC)

[edit] GA passed

I have passed this article according to the GA criteria. Good work on improving the suggestions above. Consider getting a peer review to see if there are any other issues I may have missed. Also make sure that all new information that is added to the article is properly sourced. Again, good work, and if you have the time, please consider reviewing an article or two at GAC to help with the backlog. --Nehrams2020 03:08, 21 April 2007 (UTC)

[edit] GA sweeps (pass)

This article has been reviewed as part of Wikipedia:WikiProject Good articles/Project quality task force. I was impressed with its quality, and have no hesitation in confirming that it still meets the criteria and should remain listed as a Good article. The article history has been updated to reflect this review. All the best, EyeSereneTALK 09:49, 5 December 2007 (UTC)