Talk:Battle of Marion

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 Battle of Marion was a History good article nominee, but did not meet the good article criteria at the time. There are suggestions below for improving the article. Once these are addressed, the article can be renominated. Editors may also seek a reassessment of the decision if they believe there was a mistake.

Reviewed version: June 9, 2008
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Contents

[edit] Problems

There are still problems with this article as i go through copy editing. There are many points that need clarification. For example, it was stated that the commanders "wanted to appease the outspoken Union public", the exact wording from your primary source too, by the way. But appease them for what reason? This throw away line does not clarify the commanders decision if the reason for appeasement is not given.

In addition the timeline is not easy to comprehend, and your primary source is no clearer. "Burbridge was then ordered to bring his army of approximately four thousand men through the Cumberland Gap to meet in Tennessee", again, the exact same text as you primary source, but to meet whom? And where in Tennessee? I assume to meet Stoneman and General Alvan Gillem. Who is the latter, why no mention that he has an army too? So two small armies meet? This really needs to be clarified.

Do these two armies meet before or after the ambush set by General Basil Duke's? The article says "On December 13, on the march through the Cumberland Gap Stoneman's army defeated Confederate General Basil Duke's cavalry ambush at Rogersville, Tennessee." But which army is this, Burbridge's troops, Gillem's troops or both? If both was this the second trip through the cumberland gap for these soldiers?

These confusions need to be cleared up if you want to get this to a good article status. And all these plagiarised sentences need to be purged. In future I suggest you write the articles from scratch, in your own words. It is apparent that what you did here was start with the source article and tweek it here and there. That is not acceptable for two reasons, deleted material can lead to lack of context. The appeased Union public is a good example of that. Also, the order of words and key phrases is effectively identical to your source even if tweeked here and there. It is much better that an article is your own original synthesis, using the source to make sure the points you make are accurate. David D. (Talk) 22:26, 22 December 2007 (UTC)

[edit] GA Review - Fail

Sorry, but I went ahead and failed this article, as there are several major issues with it. It's a good start, but I doubt that the work required would be able to be completed in a week or so.

  1. Lack of Sources - Anything that is not common knowledge, or in other words, about 95% of this article, needs to be sourced. As this is a GA Review, and not an FA Review, I would have been willing to let a few things slide here or there, but too much of this article is lacking citations. For instance, there is only one reference in the 'Background' section, when ideally nearly all of it would be sourced. Also, there appear to be some formatting issues with the citations that are here. The external links used as sources should be fleshed out a bit, and not simply be a URL with ref and ref/ around it.
  1. Style - There are also a few issues concerning style and encyclopedic prose. For starters, Union soldiers shouldn't be referred to as 'Yankees' - in addition to some other problems with the word, it is too informal. This wasn't the only thing I found, but most of these issues are rather minor.
  1. Illustrations - This isn't necessarily a make-or-break thing with me, especially as illustrations for an article of this sort are probably difficult to come by. However, adding illustrations beyond simply a dot on the battle's location in Virginia and pictures of the commanders would go a long way toward GA status if you were to re-nominate the article in the future. Modern-day pictures of the battlefield or maps showing the movement of units during the battle would be great.

Again, my primary problem with this article is the lack of sources. Better luck next time. AlexiusHoratius (talk) 20:34, 18 January 2008 (UTC)

[edit] Still needs some clean up

This relies far too heavily on the CSA sources referenced. Even Marvel presents a more realistic depiction (although it is short and lacks a map of the action) that is more of a blend of Union and CSA reports.

  • The references could use some descriptive titles and page numbers where appropriate.
  • Casualties do not equal killed. ACW casualties consisted of killed, wounded, and captured/missing.

*I thought the saltworks were at Saltville, not Marion? "The salt works at Marion were later destroyed by the Union army." They were destroyed at Saltville as part of this raid and as the result of this battle.

  • No mention is made of the Union strength.

*Kingsport in in Tennessee, not Kentucky or Virginia.

  • The map shows Stoneman's raid coming from the North, but the expedition/raid started from Knoxville, TN (southwest) to Kingsport, TN then Bristol, VA and then hit Wytheville while the CSA tried to block the door at Marion, VA. While fighting was occurring at Marion, Stoneman succeeded in cutting the road back to Saltville and Breckinridge was forced to withdraw in the direction of Wytheville.
  • Some of the description makes it sound like a Union "rout", etc. but that was not the case. The Union forces weren't able to force their way across and Burbridge seems to have gotten his command totally muddled (See Stoneman's O.R. report.) In the meantime part of Gillem's command interposed.

*The CSA experienced tactical success in repulsing the attacks, but they were beaten strategically, outflanked and out of ammo. It appears that all the major Union objectives were achieved. Red Harvest (talk) 04:35, 4 March 2008 (UTC)

  • The tertiary source (Chaltas and Brown) that seems to form the basis for much of this article is incredibly biased and misleading and seriously damages the quality of the present wiki article. Since the source doesn't footnote (only references) it is unclear how much it is the authors' opinions and how much comes from primary or secondary sources. I'm putting up the NPOV tag until we can get this cleaned up.
  • Looking at the O.R. reports, Schofield was the one Stoneman proposed the raid to and who authorized it. (Correspondence aobut this after the raid was to Halleck and Thomas.) This is yet another example of how the Chaltas & Brown article has confused previous editors.
  • The "Preparations" sections are problematic because they work best for set piece battles, not cavalry raids. This was a very fluid expedition. There were several actions preceding the battle and things occurring over many miles in different directions. Some subsection paragraphs about different preceding events are probably in order, with a final paragraph about what forces were coalescing for the battle itself (that is where the Order of Battle would fit.) Red Harvest (talk) 19:25, 7 March 2008 (UTC)
  • There are many reference links that are not directly related to the point being cited. I'm removing them as I find them but am uncertain why they are present in the first place.
  • There are several links that point to the wrong person or thing or need disambiguation. I'm dealing with them as I find them. Red Harvest (talk) 21:18, 7 March 2008 (UTC)

[edit] A-class review

Just a note: There's a WPMILHIST A-class review going on for this article. Nousernamesleftcopper, not wood 00:54, 6 March 2008 (UTC)

[edit] GA Review

Unfortunately, this article does not meet the GA criteria at this time. The article needs to be thoroughly sourced before it can achieve GA status. Currently, there are many uncited statements. In addition, there are multiple "citation needed" tags (one of the quick-fail criteria for a GA review). Aside from the lack of references, I believe that some copyediting is needed to improve the quality of prose and MOS compliance. I would recommend getting someone without a background in American military history, if possible, as I believe that this article would be difficult for many readers to follow. The verb tense needs to be consistent (past tense), so phrases like "Stoneman would use troops" and "As these men would attempt to retreat from their positions at the bridge, the Confederates of the would pick most of them off" should not be used. Instead, it should be "Stoneman used troops" and "As these men attempted to retreat from their positions at the bridge, the Confederates picked most of them off". The latter of these sentences also underscores the need for copyediting, as "the Confederates of the would" is awkward. The League of Copyeditors might be a good idea.

The web citations that are given need to have at least a title, publisher, url and accessdate (preferably using the {{cite web}} template. The books should list at least an author, title, publisher, date, url and page (preferably using the {{cite book}} template. There are also a few concerns from last listed above this review, and it seems as though most of them haven't been dealt with. I am going to fail this article, but I urge you to address my concerns and the ones listed above, find a copyeditor, list the article for peer review, and renominate when it's ready. Best wishes, GaryColemanFan (talk) 02:19, 22 April 2008 (UTC)

I notice that this article has been renominated. I would just like to point out that several of my previous concerns remain (notably: verb tense, lack of references, and insufficient information in the references). GaryColemanFan (talk) 02:57, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
Can you point out specifics? I fixed many of these things, and I will be happy to fix more if you inform me. ṜέđṃάяķvюĨїήīṣŢ Drop me a line§ 03:06, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
As I mentioned, lack of references is still a major problem. Every paragraph needs at least one reference. Verb tense is still inconsistent. One sentence that I specifically mentioned in the GA review was "As these men would attempt to retreat from their positions at the bridge, the Confederates of the would pick most of them off". This sentence has not been changed. In addition, the references still contain insufficient information (the minimum is title, publisher, url and accessdate). GaryColemanFan (talk) 19:31, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
I agree with your other points, GCF, but it seems to me that a reference for every paragraph seems more of an aesthetics thing rather than one of veribility. Nousernamesleftcopper, not wood 22:19, 8 May 2008 (UTC)

[edit] Citations

Please note, this is not a GA review, but it may help with future review processes.

Some of the internet inline citations used in this article are improperly formatted and this problem may hinder a GA nomination. Internet citations require at the very least information on the title, publisher and last access date of any webpages used. If the source is a news article then the date of publication and the author are also important. This information is useful because it allows a reader to a) rapidly identify a source's origin b) ascertain the reliability of that source and c) find other copies of the source should the website that hosts it become unavaliable for any reason. It may also in some circumstances aid in determining the existance or status of potential copyright infringments. Finally, it looks much tidier, making the article appear more professional. There are various ways in which this information can be represented in the citation, listed at length at Wikipedia:Citing sources. The simplest way of doing this is in the following format:

<ref>{{cite web|(insert URL)|title=|publisher=|work=|date=|author=|accessdate=}}</ref>

As an example:

  • <ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.discovery.org/a/3859|title=Avoiding a Thirty Years War|publisher=www.discovery.org|work=[[The Washington Post]]|date=2006-12-21|author=Richard W. Rahn|accessdate=2008-05-25}}</ref>

which looks like:

If any information is unknown then simply omit it, but title, publisher and last access dates are always required. I strongly recommend that all internet inline references in this article be formatted properly before this article undergoes GA review, and indeed this is something that a reviewer should insist you do before promoting your article. If you have any further questions please contact me and as mentioned above, more information on this issue can be found at Wikipedia:Citing sources. Regards--Jackyd101 (talk) 16:54, 29 May 2008 (UTC)

[edit] GA hold

  • Work on refs per above.
  • Expand, a bit more summary of the main points, esp battle and its significance is neede.
  • Optional for GA, but good practice, is to move the images that are free to WikiCommons. Sumoeagle179 (talk) 00:01, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
failed, little or no action taken. Sumoeagle179 (talk) 00:03, 9 June 2008 (UTC)