User talk:Armose

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Velcome!

Contents 1 Boeing 2 Titan 3 Ron Paul 4 Van Scoyoc

[edit] Boeing

Good work here and extremely thorough. Try to summarize long quotations, like those from Senator Rudman, rather than including all of that information. Remember this is an encyclopedia, not a news source. Mcwabaunsee 18:27, 14 November 2007 (UTC)

[edit] Titan

"They have specialized in providing..." The present perfect ("have specialized") suggests that the company presently specializes in something else, which isn't the case. Watch that you your modifications don't unintentionally change meanings.

I would reiterate that last point concerning the rest of your contribution. The verb tenses are not consistent within what you've submitted. This is not merely a grammatical problem, in this case, changes in verb tense signify changes in the company's history.

IMPORTANT: These sections need citations. Citing your sources illustrate responsible research, benefits future readers, and supports the information you've provided should anyone contest it. Mcwabaunsee 18:27, 14 November 2007 (UTC)

[edit] Ron Paul

"On September 27, 2007 Congressman Ron Paul introduced legislation that would ease the tax burden on some of America ’s workers." This sentence seems like Point-of-View to me--to refer to "the tax burden" is leading and the generality of "some of America's workers," makes the entire sentence rather ineffective. Try to be as specific and balanced as possible. Mcwabaunsee 18:27, 14 November 2007 (UTC)

[edit] Van Scoyoc

Overall: It's difficult from the entry to really get a feeling for what exactly Van Scoyoc does. First of all, the entry needs some statement upfront, before the "Background" section, that defines the firm. Second, can you tell what kinds of lobbying they do? For whom? You mention this Pakistan stuff getting hairy, how? What does Van Scoyoc even do for Pakistan for $55,000/month?

"...government affairs firm and lobbyist..." "lobbyist" doesn't fit, can you rearrange your wording? "...by H. Stewart 'Stu' Van Scoyoc. He is also the current..." Replace the period with a comma and remove "He is also" "That contains:..." Replace "That" with "The latter contains:..." to reduce pronoun ambiguity. "Mark Tavlarides experience on the Hill..." Who is this person? An employee? Can you give a brief title?

All of this stuff:

"On July 31, 2005, Montana native Randy Popelka quit his job as a vice-president of Van Scoyoc Associates, a major Washington, D.C., lobbying firm. The next day, he went to work as legislative director for Sen. Conrad Burns, R-Mont. While Congress will likely tighten some rules on relations between lobbyists and lawmakers this year, lobbyists cite the constitutional right to petition the government, and say they navigate complex legislative issues to help businesses grow and cities, colleges and other groups get the funding they need. [7]"

is under "Lobbying," which seems like the incorrect place. Especially the first sentence. The latter half of that sentence is also redundant.

Can you give some sort of general assessment in the "Donations" section, something that merely introduces the kinds, whatever they are, of donations they make? Mcwabaunsee 20:41, 14 November 2007 (UTC)