An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman

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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman is a popular form of joke in the United Kingdom and Ireland. The nationalities involved may vary, though they are most usually restricted to those within the UK and Ireland, and the number of people involved is usually three or four. This style of joke is also told with the countries switched (e.g., an Australian, an American, and an Irishman). The jokes are also popular in Ireland, where the characters are called Paddy Englishman, Paddy Scotsman and Paddy Irishman. The punchline is usually based around the Irishman's stupidity, the Scotsman's drinking and hatred of Englishmen, or the Englishman's snobbishness.

Sometimes, when the joke requires four people, a Welshman is brought into the joke.

Such jokes are also told in other countries, for example in The Netherlands where the joke is usually presented as "A Dutchman, a German and a Belgian..." or in Turkey as "An Englishman, a Frenchman, a German and a Turk". In Spain, jokes about "An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Spaniard" are quite popular; the two foreigners are always portraited as cocky, stupid and naïve while the fictitious spaniard is smart, practical and, ultimately, victorious.

The jokes are sometimes retold as being about a redhead, a brunette and a blonde, or a priest, a minister and a rabbi.

[edit] Form

The joke begins "An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman..." (or whichever nationality is relevant to that particular variation) and then places the three characters in a scenario. How each person in the joke reacts to the scenario is then explained, the final reaction being the punch line, playing up to the stereotype of that nationality. Generally speaking in Ireland the Englishman is the butt of the joke, although in Scotland and England it is mostly varied, although the Irishman is usually portrayed as the butt of the joke.

In the Netherlands, the Belgian is portrayed as being stupid or dumb. If the joke is about being rude or anti social, the Belgian is replaced by a German. In Belgium, however, the Dutch are portrayed as cheapskates (though Germans are still portrayed as rude). Telling jokes about each other is often humourously considered a 'national sport' in both Belgium and Holland. This goes as far as having some jokes that are exactly the same in both countries, except for the subject of the joke (Belgian/Dutchman, depending on the nationality of the narrator)

In Latin America, a similar kind of joke often involves a Colombian, due to their costeño dialect, which is perceived by many other Spanish-speakers to be comical. At the end of the joke, the Colombian makes a reference to the paisan or costeño references. In Brazil, this kind of joke will often involve Argentinians, regarded as arrogant by Brazilians.

[edit] Examples

A Scotsman, Englishman and an Irishman find a wizard on the top of a tall cliff. The wizard orders them to jump off the cliff, but he also promises that if they say anything while falling, they will get it at the bottom of the cliff. So first, the Englishman jumps off the cliff and shouts, "Pillows!" and so he lands on some pillows. Then the Scotsman jumps off the cliff, and he shouts, "Hay!" and so he lands on some hay. Finally the Irishman runs to jump off the cliff, but he trips on a rock just before the jump and says, "Aw, shite!" (Another example involves the three men having turns on a slide, and whatever they yell out while on the slide they will land in. The first two generally say things like gold, coins, diamonds etc. The third instead shouts, "Whee!")

Paddy Scotsman, Paddy Englishman and Paddy Irishman were discussing the infidelity of their wives. "I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician", said Paddy Irishman, "because I found an electrician's toolbox under her bed last night." "I think my wife is having an affair with a plumber", said Paddy Scotsman, "because last night I found a plunger under her bed". "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse", said Paddy Englishman, "because last night I found a jockey under her bed."

A Scotsman, Englishman and an Irishman are sitting in a bar. Suddenly, a fly dives into their beers. The Englishman says, "Barman, a fly just dove into my beer. Bring me another one." The Englishman got another beer. The Irishman says, "Ah, to hell with it," and empties his pint, fly and all. The Scotsman pulls the fly out of his beer, shakes it up and down, and screams, "Spit it out, damn you! Spit it out!"

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all builders working on a bridge. The Englishman opens his lunch-box and says, "If I get one more tuna sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The Scotsman opens his lunch box and says, "If I get one more ham sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The Irishman then says, "If I get one more egg sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The next day, all three get the same lunch, all three jump off the bridge, and all three die. At their funeral, the Englishman's wife says, "If only I'd known he didn't like tuna." The Scotsman's wife says, "If only I'd known he didn't like ham." The Irishman's wife says, "I don't understand it. He made his own sandwiches."

These jokes are sometimes made examples of meta- or sheerly absurd humour, in these examples:

Paddy Englishman, Paddy Irishman and Paddy Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman turns around and says: "What is this, some kind of joke?"

Paddy Englishman and Paddy Scotsman both walk into a bar. Paddy Irishman ducks under it.

Paddy Englishman, Paddy Scotsman and a Rabbi walk into a bar. The Rabbi stops and says "I think I'm in the wrong joke".

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a bar. The Englishman has a sword, the Scotsman has an axe, and the Irishman has a bomb. The Englishman throws his sword out the window and leaves. On his way home, he finds a little boy crying. "Oh, what is the matter, poor child?" "A sword flew out of the sky and it landed on my father..." the boy sobs. The Englishman walks home. The Scotsman throws his axe out the window and walks home. On his way home, he finds a little girl crying "Dear lass, what's the matter?" he asks. "An axe fell out of the sky and it landed on my brother..." The Scotsman walks home. The Irishman throws his bomb out the window and leaves. On his way home, he finds a little boy laughing hysterically. "What's so funny, lad?" he asks. "I farted and my house blew up."