Talk:Amy Diamond

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 Amy Diamond was a good article nominee, but did not meet the good article criteria at the time. There are suggestions below for improving the article. Once these are addressed, the article can be renominated. Editors may also seek a reassessment of the decision if they believe there was a mistake.

Reviewed version: July 21, 2007
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It said; 2005 Shitting star 2006 Don't cry your brest out 2006 Tits

I guess those are not correct.

Contents

[edit] Midnattsol Kalea

And she hates Nordic child singer Midnattsol Kalea.She says,her latest song,Kem e eg is horrible. She says that,people should not listen this "extremely obscene song". And,she is fully fed up with Midnattsol Kalea

I removed this because there are no results on Google for Amy Diamond and Midnattsol Kalea [1]. --Foofy 19:37, 2 July 2006 (UTC)

[edit] Only a comment

The sentences are awkward and clumsy. I see that this article is fairly new, so I would suggest looking at it in detail, and making it easier to read.

"As of 2007, she still lives there."

"Having moved to Sweden, she started figure skating as a hobby when she was six years old".

"She turned out to have some talent for it, since she won gold medals in it".

"It was in the recording studio where she was discovered and offered a commercial record deal".

It sounds like the writer is trying to be stylish, when he/she should just tell it like it is. Be concise, and state the obvious. Example: "Diamond moved to Sweden in [year/date] and started to learn figure-skating when she was six-years-old.[Reference] andreasegde 22:39, 10 May 2007 (UTC)

Thanks for the feedback. I tried to improve what I can. Moorvis 21:06, 11 May 2007 (UTC)

[edit] GA

Sorry but it's a fail

  • Some Point of view issues - "successful albums and is also a popular television performer."
  • When you mention a song you use quotation marks not italics, so Heaven is a Place on Earth would be "Heaven is a Place on Earth"
  • her more experience in public public performing. "public" twice
  • The sentences seem to change topic each time and all begin with "She did" "She then"
  • among which were, clumsy
  • one and a half hour, ninety minutes sounds alot better
  • Bettina Sågbom described her voice as being unbelievable, redundant "being" - Bettina Sågbom described her voice as "unbelievable,"
  • Amy Diamond was - only refer to her as "Diamond" after the lead
  • Her show was a mime, unclear, she mimed the song i take it?
  • In the winter time she gave concerts, gave concerts? how about During the winter of 2006, Diamond performed concerts across Switzerland(if she did?) performing at (insert arena names here)
  • an in February 2006, i think that is meant to be an "and" ?
  • the second ]]hyu8h87h[.;hly7ko0i9ju8hyl,7og6thuybjnybgvtfcrcgthyiuokkijhuygtfgyhujikhuygtfgyhujygtfrte4 the text part reads "the Diggiloo tour" is it the Diggiloo or jsut Diggloo?
  • show Nyhetsmorgon on TV4 two days, missing a comma after TV4
  • Even though the second album wasn't as big success outside Sweden as the first one was, it was still popular in her home country - is poorly written, try - Although Still Me Still Now was not as successful as This Is Me Now outside of Sweden, it was popular in her home country. Also try get some record sales figures - if you can
  • In 2006 she did also some print (remove 'also')- In 2006 she did print (remove 'some')
  • huge success, even though some - success, although some...

She's a Swedish singer so I'm guessing your Swedish? as there were some English errors. My advice is try and avoid starting sentences with "She" so much and try connect the sentences instead of jumping to something new each one, an example

    • Original She started receiving other kind of requests in addition to her music career. In 2006 she did also some print modeling and television work.
    • Edited In 2006, Diamond recieved requests to do print modeling and television work, in addition to her musical career.

With paragraphs that start with "She," replace it with "Diamond" for better flow. If you need to clarify anything leave me a message on my talk page. The article has promise, no problems with references but needs someone who's primary language is English to give it a run-through. The article has GA potential, once you address these issues i could take another look if you like. M3tal H3ad 13:57, 12 May 2007 (UTC)

[edit] GA review

Hey, I have the following comments:

  • The lead repeats itself - both about her song "What's in it for me?" and that it was a hit in Sweden plus the neighbouring countries. As such it doesn't read very well.
  • "She still speaks it with her father and thus speaks fluent English." - nasty prose. Just need to say that she is fluent in English.
  • "...hadn't..." - avoid such contractions.
  • "She hadn't learned Swedish until this time, and she became fluently bilingual" - again, not pleasant reading.
  • "Diamond has had figure skating as a hobby and she has gone to a dance and theater school." - bad prose - this needs copyediting in full.
  • Spell check required, e.g. "apeared", "quitarist", "singning"
  • "...and she won most of them." - not particularly encyclopaedic.
  • "It was in the recording studio where she was discovered..." - after winning all those talent contests? This doesn't flow well.
  • "Diamond recorded her debut single "What's in It for Me" soon after it" - poor English I'm afraid.

I'm failing the GA now due to the fact the article needs a serious copyedit. The above comments are just a few examples of what's wrong, but the whole article requires attention. Let me know if you'd like any further advice. The Rambling Man 10:37, 21 July 2007 (UTC)

[edit] Birth name in info box?

If Amy prefers her birth name to remain unknown to the public as the article states (under section "Life Outside Music [2]) perhaps it should be considered for her birth name be removed from the info box.--Harout72 19:12, 28 October 2007 (UTC)

Why are we calling it her ”birth name”? It is her real name and only name; she hasn’t had it changed. There is a big debate over this matter over on the Swedish page, where currently her name has been withheld. I’m glad to see the English page does list it, as it very well should. Bossk-Office 03:03, 5 November 2007 (UTC)

Stage name: Amy Diamond, Birth name: Amy Linnéa Deasismont. These two are different, and according to the article as well as the debate you're refering to (on Swedish page) Amy does not want to disclose her birth name "Amy Linnéa Deasismont" (this part I will go ahead and delete later on after discussion and removal of it) to the public. Yet it is in the info box. --Harout72 01:58, 6 November 2007 (UTC)

[edit] Copyedit

This article, or a prior version of it, was copyedited by the League of Copyeditors on 18:29, 5 February 2008 (UTC). The League is always in need of editors with a good grasp of English to review articles. Visit the Project page if you are interested in helping.

Copyedited by Lazulilasher (talk) – 04:52, 29 December 2007 (UTC)
Copyedited by Esprit15d • talk • contribs – 18:58, 9 January 2008 (UTC)
Proofread by Galena11 (talk) – 17:32, 5 February 2008 (UTC)

YesY Lazulilasher (talk) 04:54, 29 December 2007 (UTC)