Talk:Alec Empire
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Archive 1: January 2006-April 2007 |
[edit] Automated peer review
The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.
- Please expand the lead to conform with guidelines at Wikipedia:Lead. The article should have an appropriate number of paragraphs as is shown on WP:LEAD, and should adequately summarize the article.[?]
- This article has no or few images. Please see if there are any free use images that fall under the Wikipedia:Image use policy and fit under one of the Wikipedia:Image copyright tags that can be uploaded. To upload images on Wikipedia, go to Special:Upload; to upload non-fair use images on the Wikimedia Commons, go to commons:special:upload.[?]
- If there is not a free use image in the top right corner of the article, please try to find and include one.[?]
- Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Build the web, years with full dates should be linked; for example, link January 15, 2006.[?]
- Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (headings), avoid using special characters (ex: &+{}[]) in headings.
- Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
- Vague terms of size often are unnecessary and redundant - “some”, “a variety/number/majority of”, “several”, “a few”, “many”, “any”, and “all”. For example, “
Allpigs are pink, so we thought ofa number ofways to turn them green.”
- Vague terms of size often are unnecessary and redundant - “some”, “a variety/number/majority of”, “several”, “a few”, “many”, “any”, and “all”. For example, “
- Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.[?]
You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, Dāv 15:31, 31 July 2007 (UTC)
- Okay, can anyone help to make this a good article? The biggest problem seems to be with images: can anybody provide one for the infobox which falls under free use? Can anyone suggest any other ways in which the article could be improved? Dāv 15:43, 31 July 2007 (UTC)
- P4k, you are officially awesome! Dāv 18:16, 7 August 2007 (UTC)
- Thanks! The flickr user who released it under a cc license is the real hero obviously.--P4k 22:28, 7 August 2007 (UTC)
- P4k, you are officially awesome! Dāv 18:16, 7 August 2007 (UTC)
[edit] GA On Hold
You have a week!
So far, the article's a pretty good read. Probably have another couple of eyes pass over the article.
"In 1992, Atari Teenage Riot emerged" - I'd say try and re-tool just how that's worded. It sounds more like a press release wording than encyclopedic prose.Remove the "official fansite". That's not the purpose of the infobox. It's in ext links already, just where it belongs.Another image wouldn't kill (but its omission won't hold you back from GA) but I prefer a bit more of a visual approach. Just a personal thing, though.Your lead needs to be more explanatory. As a reader, I need to know why he's notable by reading the lead alone. The rest of the article is then to articulate the lead. Don't puff it up with crap, make it concise and meaningful, informative and explanatory.There's nothing about the musical style he produces. This should be articulated and should be separate to the bio information.A few times "Atari Teenage Riot" is referred to as "ATR". Abbreviations are fine, but should not be presumed. You should indicate somewhere (and it's highly preferable for this to be the first time the term is used after the lead).- "Wilke's maternal grandfather was the inventor of the first domestic knitting machine and a self-made millionaire whose company went bankrupt after his death" What was his name? Is there an article about him? What was the company name? If you'll elaborate this much, use the guy's name.
These things shouldn't take too long. Right now I can't pass it. If you do these things, I'll re-review in a couple of days and give you either more to do or a verdict, depending on the result. --lincalinca 07:33, 14 August 2007 (UTC)
- Looking good with improvements so far. Just after another scan, I noticed the dates in the references area are's compliant with WP:MOS. For things such as 1983-03-26, you'd put this in as March 26, 1983. You do need to wikilink the dates (as I've done in my example) when you use full format dates because it automatically parses the dates (that is, if you live in the US, you'd have your preferences set to show the month first and date later, whereas most of the world put it the other way around, so wikimedia translates it as per your preferences). I'm sorry I didn't mention this before, but it shouldn't be a huge transition to change these over. Otherwise, nice work on everything so far. Shouldn't be far off now. lincalinca 00:38, 15 August 2007 (UTC)
- Another thing, which is more a matter of preference, the image in the infobox is rather distant with surrounding piture that's unrequired and makes it harder to see Empire's face. As the image is sharealike, you can trim it down to fit just him without the unnecessary info on the right and the image will appear bigger and clearer. I'm not saying I won't pass without this, but it'd be a bit nicer for the viewer, rather than having to strain to see him. lincalinca 01:42, 15 August 2007 (UTC)
- Thanks for your help, Linca. As you can see I have made some progress through the list, as well as formatting the dates as per your previous comment. I'm currently working on his musical style.
- As for the knitting thing, I have attempted to contact Empire himself for verification. Unfortunately the Yates article where I sourced this statement didn't give a name. Some research has given me an idea as to who the guy in question might be, but I won't volunteer this information until I know for sure.
- Also I have requested a copyedit at WP:LoCE/p. And I think that's my lot for today. I must sleep now. Goodnight. Dāv 01:55, 15 August 2007 (UTC)
- You're doing very well and taking on board the suggestions. I'm impressed with the speed of your response in these queries. I'll keep a close eye on this and if I'm satisfied that you've reached GA, then the accolade is your's. lincalinca 03:54, 15 August 2007 (UTC)
- Done I've passed your review, but have quoted out the info about the grandfather until it can be referenced and clarified. --lincalinca 12:25, 16 August 2007 (UTC)
- BTW: Though I've listed it as GA, it still needs an expansion in the lead, but nevertheless, good work on getting it there. You know what they say, third time lucky.
- Thank you Linca for all your help, and for recognising this as a good article. It has taken a lot of hard work to get it to this stage. I will work on the lead, as well as the grandfather thing. Speaking of which...
- You're doing very well and taking on board the suggestions. I'm impressed with the speed of your response in these queries. I'll keep a close eye on this and if I'm satisfied that you've reached GA, then the accolade is your's. lincalinca 03:54, 15 August 2007 (UTC)
- Another thing, which is more a matter of preference, the image in the infobox is rather distant with surrounding piture that's unrequired and makes it harder to see Empire's face. As the image is sharealike, you can trim it down to fit just him without the unnecessary info on the right and the image will appear bigger and clearer. I'm not saying I won't pass without this, but it'd be a bit nicer for the viewer, rather than having to strain to see him. lincalinca 01:42, 15 August 2007 (UTC)
[edit] Empire's maternal grandfather
Okay, as stated above by Linca, the following quote has been removed from the article (although it remains within as hidden):
"[Empire]'s maternal grandfather was the inventor of the first domestic knitting machine and a self-made millionaire whose company went bankrupt after his death,"
This was sourced from the Catherine Yates/Kerrang interview article. I have attempted to contact Empire himself in an effort to qualify this statement with a name, but thus far have been unsuccessful. Now, after doing a bit of research, and learning slightly more about the history of knitting appliances than I ever really cared to, I found this in an article about socks on "Knitting Together" (The Heritage of the East Midlands Knitting Industry):
"The first exclusively domestic knitting machine was patented in America in 1859 by Jonas B Aiken. Aiken's machine won prizes at public fairs and exhibitions across America. Newspaper editors in southern states saw that with it 'a Negro girl or boy could do all the fine and course knitting necessary for the house and plantation'."
So it would seem on the surface that Jonas Aiken is the name we've been looking for. The only thing is the time frame (and slightly less so the locale) makes it seem unlikely. It could be that Yates is mistaken, but even so she must have had some basis for this statement.
Can anybody provide any insight into this subject? Its inclusion in the article would help to flesh out his backstory. Dāv 20:07, 16 August 2007 (UTC)
(More on the Aiken family: [1]) Dāv 20:54, 23 August 2007 (UTC)
- Hope this is OK to put here - Here is a link to an interview which clears up some things about Alec's family. I've never edited anything on wikipedia before, so I thought i'd let one of the people who have looked after this article change/add things as they wish. Keep up the good work. R1061 (talk) 16:28, 10 March 2008 (UTC)