Talk:1969 Pacific hurricane season
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[edit] Todo
It's a high start, but three things are needed. First, there's no inline sources in the article. Second, be careful for the units. For the speed for NHC basin seasons, it should be mph (with km/h conversion in parenthesis), and for measurment it should be imperial units (with metric conversion in parenthesis). We're trying to avoid confusion and not use nautical miles and knots. Lastly, a lot of phrases in the article should be better, such as;
- The cloud mass was first noticed on a satellite picture on June 30, but did not gain a closed circulation until July 1, when it became a tropical depression.
Typically satellite pictures are referred as satellite images. Also, the association of a cloud mass gaining a circulation is a little unusual. A better way to phrase that might be to say after the development of a circulation it became a TD, or something like that.
- Ava moved northwestward at a pace of 15 kt. At one point near peak intensity, it began to make a northward turn, slowing to 3 kt to 5 kt in forward speed and, on July 5, Ava reached its peak intensity of 50 mph.
Is there a way to make that flow better? Perhaps, "Ava tracked to the west-northwestward and steadily intensified. After decelerating and turning to the north, the storm reached a peak intensity of 50 mph" or something like that.
- An area of squall and shower activity began showing indications of a circulation on July 8.
Too wordy. Try to make it simpler.
- a "pinwheel" of cirrus
- At peak intensity, Heather had the characteristics of a hurricane (namely spiral bands), but the decision was to keep the winds at 65 mph because of cool inflow.
- Two persisted until June 8, when it dissipated.
A lot of phrasing just needs rewriting. Don't try and simplify what the monthly weather review wrote. Put it in your own words.
Two more things. Be sure to include dates for all important events. I just noticed Claudia missed the date when it formed. Also, use {{clear}} so the images don't overlap. Hurricanehink (talk) 18:44, 20 November 2006 (UTC)
- I can easily do conversions on knots to MPH, but I don't know the conversions for nautical miles to miles yet. When I learn that bit, I should be able to fix those metric problems. Jake52 My talk 18:52, 20 November 2006 (UTC)
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- This will help Hurricanehink (talk) 18:56, 20 November 2006 (UTC)
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- I'm not sure if you're done of not, but some things still need rewording. For example, never refer depressions as their number (you called TD 2 Two several times; the name is unofficial, and it should be called the depressions). The intro to Ava is way too wordy. In my opinion, it is unnecessary to start every section with "A loosely organized cloud mass was the system that became Claudia". It doesn't sound that good, and could be worded better. The whole article still needs sources. Hurricanehink (talk) 16:09, 23 November 2006 (UTC)
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Here's some new problems.
- You need a source that says this season has the latest start for the first storm with Ava's July 1. Unisys doesn't count, as it only provides info for 1969 PHS.
- How do you know those three storms were declared depressions operationally? Unisys (best track, really) gives the best track data, which updates and changes things from the operational track.
- Ava's storm history needs a reference
- "The system showed no signs of development when June ended, but on July 1 the storm began gaining organization and, after a circulation had developed, was deemed a tropical depression." - too wordy. Tropical cyclones don't care about the months, so shouldn't either (other than providing the dates or other things). Wouldn't it be easier to say, "The system initially failed to organize, though on July 1 the convection became better organized, and it developed into a tropical depression subsequent to the formation of a low-level circulation." or something like that?
- Don't be afraid to use pronouns. The Ava section keeps saying, "Ava did this, then Ava did that." Remember, you're describing a tropical cyclone, not a person.
- "On July 21, a tropical depression advisory was issued on a loosely organized area of convection based on satellite pictures because of a lack of ships reporting in the area where it formed" - surely this can be rewritten much more easily.
- "Claudia's time as a tropical storm was brief; it was downgraded into a depression on July 23, only 24 hours after first becoming a storm." 24 hours as a tropical storm isn't that short. There have been much shorter times. However, you could say that it didn't strengthen further due to X, and weakened to a tropical depression on July 23.
- "Like Claudia before it, Doreen's formation (which started as a large cloud mass on the ITCZ) went mostly unmonitored by ship because of a lack of shipping" - There's three things I don't like about that. First, you should consider the storm sections as individual sections, almost like individual articles. I don't know if the Claudia mention is that necessary, given that a storm not being detected by ships or recon seems to be pretty common (3 storms in this season). Second, you should avoid phrases in parenthesis. Third, possessives should be avoided as well.
- "Like Claudia before it, Doreen's formation (which started as a large cloud mass on the ITCZ) went mostly unmonitored by ship because of a lack of shipping" Too wordy
- A lot of other places in the article seem to be too wordy or awkwardly written. Hurricanehink (talk) 03:41, 4 December 2006 (UTC)
