Wikipedia:Yet more Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense
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[edit] Fluff
"Fluff" is a descriptor for something soft such as 'bellybutton fluff' (the small balls of loose clothing material found in human navels) and "plush" stuffed animals.
The term fluff is also used to describe information, articles, or news items containing little or no real content and usually implies disdain for the idea, person, or thing (like this).
Why was this removed... seems perfectly logical to me...
[edit] Alarm Clock Pizza
How you make Alarm Clock Pizza is:
Step 1: You buy an alarm clock from the store, and then you have to break it and put it in the sauce.
Step 2: Fold the sauce in 5 slices and put it in the dough.
Step 3: Paint the eggs with a pitcher of a clock showing what time you want to wake up and eat pizza for breakfast.
Step 4: Put the eggs in the dough.
Step 5: Make it flat into a round shape and draw the time you want on it.
Step 6: Put some old steel to prevent other peple from stealing it.
Step 7: Make it flat and cut into 60 slices 1 for each minute in 1 our.
Step 7 and a half: poo on it
Step 8: Put in the oven set the timer to 30048813.2884 seconds and put the temperature on 'Volcano' setting.
Step 9: If you think it is take to long, then get yor alarm clock and set it to now so that it will ring and you can take it out.
Step 10: Take it out uv the uvin wen it is redy and go to bed. In the morning eat pizza and also eat yor hands bi mistake.
I have tried this recipe in the interests of writing a fair report. I do not recommend it.
Did you try eating it? Jenaisis 18:13, 23 November 2006 (UTC)
[edit] New Rome
The "NEW ROME" is identical to "OLD ROME" except for the areas where it is different. The primary differences lie in the fact that the OLD ROME is much older than the NEW ROME, which is significantly newer. In addition to the newness of the NEW ROME, it is also important to note that NEW ROME when spelled backwards is EMOR WEN; whereas the OLD ROME spelled backwards is EMOR DLO.
Aside from these differences, the two are essentially identical... except for the flapjacks.
[edit] Philosophy for Non-Philosophers
If you are not the philosophy type, you can, by reading this, have the simplest answers to any philosophical question somebody might possibly ask you (or you can just read it and maybe get a few laughs)! Enjoy.
1) Why are we here? Because we're here.
2) Why do things happen? Because they do.
3) What is our purpose? To be here.
4) What is the point? Something sharp.
5) What if the Hokey-Pokey really IS what it's all about? **NO ANSWER** (Actually the hokey pokey is about testing the bathwater in a bathtub to see if it's too hot -kyle)
6) If we really are the only sentient beings in the universe, it sure would be a big waste of space.
7) If we really aren't the only sentient beings in the universe, KLAATU BARADA NIKTO (please don't probe me).
I might come up with more, but feel free to add your own in!
Also see: Philosophy, Philosopher, Eastern philosophy, List of philosophers
[edit] Nonsense
When the sun set in the sky, fire danced and faeries came out to play. Slowly the moon rose in the south and lit the world with a pale light. Night had begun and the inhabitants of Theslon, the largest natural satelite of Qyrste, rejoiced. All would be fulfilled.
"It's a good thing I have all these magical pixies flying around!! Otherwise, I might go insane!" -Imsety
[edit] Harvey H. Lettuce
Harvey H. Lettuce (1897 - 1934) was an author, jounalist, political activist and horticulturaist. Born in the small Welsh town of Lletifairucswl, he was the son of a barrister - his father, Samuel J. Lettuce, was a noted authority on vegetation protection law, and his Mother, Sally-Anne D. Lettuce was a noted cook, publishing several household maintenance book, well know at the time ("A housewoman's giude to the kitchen and vegetable garden -- the manner their co-routine and upkeep thereof" being the most popular). Harvey was sent to the noted public school of St Stottac's Hall for boys and when on to study applied botany and Brocollie college, Cambridge. Upon gaining his degree, he took up the post of weeding co-ordinator at Eilwell & Co. fruit producers. When he saw the appalling treatment of the vegetation there, however, his activism was stirred, and he went on to dedicate his life to providing better conditions for domestic crops. He declared his stance as foliodroism (pronounced fo-lee-ODD-dra-izum) and founded the Society for the Promotion of Botanic Dignity in 1922. In 1923 he wrote several letter to The Times, including the following:
Dear Sir, I should like to draw your readers' attention to the appalling sufferences endured by some of the very food-stuffs for which granted is taken by their diners and guests when saladic refreshment is provided within the confort of Their dining rooms. Unlike they in their cosily watered confines, vegetables and fruit procured for the pleasure of human consumption is allocated no such consideration. Left in the cold dark earth, with nothing but an unkept layer of equine defecant betixt they and the unholy monstrosities of the vulgar slug and snail, our helpless colleagues of the kingdom Plantae have none of the liberties afforded to the privelidged British race by His Majesty's legislature. Nay, but they are notwithstanding put until this inexplicable toil for our own want of leafy greens with which to sprig upon our dressings. Dear Gentlemen, I implore you not to garnish this outrage with your continued patronage, and proceed to banish the purveyors of such untimely doomed foliage from our civilised society forever more. Yours faithfully, Mr. H. H. Lettuce, esq. , the Society for the Promotion of Botanic Dignity, Appleby, England.
Harvey received only a little support from the moneyed classes on his endeavour, and due to long-outset nutritional undernourishment, Lettuce perished in his bed on the 17th of March, 1934. He suffered from the increasingly dibilitating progressive disorder of yellowing, together with the withering of his skin, caused by lack of potassium and excessive water. He is buried in Skegness, where his grave is adorned by the foliage of his abiding conpatriots.
- Did you mean "Llanfairljiptwilrtugtrtwgttygtyuftgtyuertytyrggffgrggffrgogog"
- This is a ridiculous article. Apart from anything else, there is no Broccolie college at Cambridge. It is spelt Broccoleigh.
[edit] Useless
This article is utterly useless.
Though, not all that is useless is this article (See: "Logic").
Wikipedia is not a dictionary. For a dictionary definition, see Wiktionary:Useless
[edit] Evolution
================SCIENCE FICTION===================
For the real truth about biological evolution visit: http://www.answersingenesis.org
-"THEOLOGICAL DISCUSSION"
An arguement between two children which boils down to "my imaginary friend can beat up YOUR imaginary friend"-
[edit] Ciccaba
From the burning alps of Miami, a treasure bin with a jewish face, and a practical smile, comes the Ciccaba, or for short, Jewish Delight. In 1989, a scientist by the name of Ward Garcenton discovered a cup of warm cider. To his surprise, it wasn't cider, but a sample of urine, from the rare Ciccaba. Taken to the lab that afternoon, Ward realized his Grandma had herpes.
[edit] Bee mine
A bee mine might also be a mine where bees are extracted. Unfortunately, this is impossible as bees are animals and not minerals.
Not until we find a way to cross organic beings with rocks, anyway. Jenaisis 18:17, 23 November 2006 (UTC)
[edit] Cydonia
Cydonia is an ancient civilization that once contained the entire population of inhabitants on the planet Mars. Little is known about this once large "mega-city" built below the surface. Apparrently deserted for approximately half a million years, there is little evidence of whether it was evacuated or the huminoid Martians were somehow destroyed. Previous space-probe missions to the red planet have revealed little about this advanced civilization. Continuing efforts are being undertaken to explore the resources that once fed Cydonia. Water systems would prove especially useful for future colonisation of Mars. The upcoming 2007-8 manned Mars mission, the first of it's kind, will reveal much about the habitability of the harsh planet.
[edit] Cowan, Tennessee
added by user:Sam Klondike
- Cowan is an ancient hamlet settled in coves of the Cumberland Plateau founded in 1774 by one John Cowan the oldest cemetery in Cowan was founded in 1776. Before the arrival of John Cowan and the settlers Cowan was home to Cherokee and Crowe indians who engaged in bitter conflicts over trading rights at Lynda's Market. The coming of the Balrog in 1547 C.E. resulted in the complete destruction of Lynda's Market and the subsequent arrival of Browns Pool Hall. Complete control of Browns Pool Hall was vested in one known only as"popcorn" His name has been lost to antiquity.
- Geographically Cowan is small compared to the rest of the country it is really pretty tiny it has only two stoplights. However, our Little League ball fields are the envy of the county and I'd dare say they are jsut as good as any of your big city ball fields. Our town also boasts a school, 2 convinece stores, a liquor store(closed only on the Lords day), a grocery, 10 churches,4 bars, 6 restuaraunts, a broken down car wash, an out of business laundrymat, and a gun shop, and 27 shade tree mechanics. For recreation "Cowanites" enjoy hunting,fishing, hunting, working on cars, looking for wild animals to kill, beating and chasing dogs, riding around, plowing up dirt, staring into the sun, looing for fish, building cars out of old rusted out parts, shooting things and sometimes people, drinking a lot, going to church on sundays, eating gravey and a biscuit.
- The current mayor of Cowan is the infamous "Chick" Tucker. A veteran of WWII and former employee of the Cowan Limestone Quarry which shut its doors in the early eighties. This great catatastrophe resulted in mass unemployment and an exodus of "Cowanites" who subsequently fled into the hills never to be seen again.
[edit] Coeducation
Remarkably, after a little more than than a century in the mainstream higher education system of the United States, American women now earn the majority of bachelor's degrees and account for 60% of the enrolled undergraduate population. - (Nelson: "Ah-ha!")
[edit] Abelian grape
The Abelian grape meets the criteria of: 1. Being Purple 2. Commutes
Although Abelian grapes are similar to Abelian groups one must be careful and note the subtle differences.
Do not confuse abelian groups with Abelian grape.
[edit] Edit conflicts
From the Department of Do-As-I-Say-Don't-Do-As-I-Do:
An action-packed saga in which two veteran sysops battle in hand-to-hand conflict with Wikipedia's champion reversionista. Two more sysops come to the rescue. MyRedThreeEditRule casts ideological baggage to the wind. An uneasy peace is finally restored:[1]
Revision history (newest to oldest)
View (previous 500) (next 500) (20 | 50 | 100 | 250 | 500).
Legend: (cur) = difference with current version, (last) = difference with preceding version, M = minor edit
- (cur) (last) . . 23:47, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice ("a desire to get his edit through without having to merge it with Alice's" -> "laziness")
- (cur) (last) . . 23:45, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (take your insults elsewhere; I will not respond in kind)
- (cur) (last) . . M 23:37, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (sp)
- (cur) (last) . . 23:36, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice(Wikiquette, WikiLove to see alsos)
- (cur) (last) . . 23:32, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (the best of the world of sanity, coupled with the best of the world of anti-social paranoia :-))
- (cur) (last) . . 23:24, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (rv)
- (cur) (last) . . 23:18, 6 Dec 2003 . . Hephaestos
- (cur) (last) . . 23:14, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (expand Reverting)
- (cur) (last) . . 23:12, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (rv to Hephaestos)
- (cur) (last) . . 21:22, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (rv)
- (cur) (last) . . 21:19, 6 Dec 2003 . . Hephaestos (obviously you don't know what common courtesy is)
- (cur) (last) . . 21:13, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (obviously you don't know what an edit conflict is)
- (cur) (last) . . M 21:10, 6 Dec 2003 . . Cyp (Yes there was, see http://en.wikipedia.org/w/wiki.phtml?title=Wikipedia:Edit_conflicts&diff=1888207&oldid=1888130 which you also reverted, probably by accident)
- (cur) (last) . . 21:06, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (there was no edit conflict)
- (cur) (last) . . M 21:03, 6 Dec 2003 . . Cyp (rv (Yes, but you also reverted my change, ignoring the edit conflict.))
- (cur) (last) . . 21:01, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (I reverted Angela)
- (cur) (last) . . M 21:00, 6 Dec 2003 . . Cyp (rv, (Wik ignored edit conflict, deleted my change!!! See diff!))
- (cur) (last) . . 20:57, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (this is not about edit warring)
- (cur) (last) . . M 20:49, 6 Dec 2003 . . Cyp
- (cur) (last) . . 20:49, 6 Dec 2003 . . Angela (then Alice should go and do those things rather than wasting time edit warring shouldn't she?)
- (cur) (last) . . 20:34, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (Alice may have better things to do than to accommodate any moron who doesn't understand the edit conflict page)
- (cur) (last) . . 20:28, 6 Dec 2003 . . Angela (No, if Bob repeats his error, it is really IS best for Alice to have a friendly word on his talk page etc etc)
- (cur) (last) . . 20:16, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (rv)
- (cur) (last) . . 20:12, 6 Dec 2003 . . Angela (move prevention section up, reinsert "If Bob repeats his error, then the best approach is for Alice to have a friendly word on his talk page, point him to this page, and ask him if he could take a ...)
- (cur) (last) . . M 19:21, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik
- (cur) (last) . . 17:47, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (rv, prevention)
- (cur) (last) . . M 17:46, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (separate )
- (cur) (last) . . 17:45, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (rv, prevention)
- (cur) (last) . . 17:40, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (rv)
- (cur) (last) . . 17:39, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (Dealing with repeated mistakes.)
- (cur) (last) . . 17:35, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (rv to Angela)
- (cur) (last) . . 04:20, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik
- (cur) (last) . . 03:50, 6 Dec 2003 . . Angela (Wik, have you even looked what you are removing from this article? Are you saying we should NOT assume good faith?)
- (cur) (last) . . 03:41, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (rv (ditto))
- (cur) (last) . . 03:36, 6 Dec 2003 . . Angela (rv 2- Wik - see the talk page for the justification for this version)
- (cur) (last) . . 03:25, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (rv)
- (cur) (last) . . M 03:24, 6 Dec 2003 . . Angela (rv - Martin - you are breaking the 3 revert policy that you wrote :))
- (cur) (last) . . 03:19, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (rv)
- (cur) (last) . . 03:16, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (RV)
- (cur) (last) . . 03:11, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (rv)
- (cur) (last) . . 03:07, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (rv)
- (cur) (last) . . 03:05, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (rv)
- (cur) (last) . . 03:03, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (This is particularly important if the page has subsequently been edited by, say, Carol and David.)
- (cur) (last) . . M 03:02, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (diff)
- (cur) (last) . . 03:00, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (rv, but s/appropriate/acceptable)
- (cur) (last) . . 02:42, 6 Dec 2003 . . Wik (rv)
- (cur) (last) . . 02:40, 6 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (rv )
- (cur) (last) . . 23:30, 4 Dec 2003 . . Wik (restore balance)
- (cur) (last) . . M 15:49, 4 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (sp)
- (cur) (last) . . 15:49, 4 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (Expand - Assume good faith, We encourage contributors to double-check their merges, etc)
- (cur) (last) . . 13:01, 4 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (rv to Hephaestos)
- (cur) (last) . . 01:51, 4 Dec 2003 . . Wik (it's absurd to make the language in the second case stronger than in the first)
- (cur) (last) . . 01:48, 4 Dec 2003 . . Hephaestos (Martin's is much better)
- (cur) (last) . . 01:43, 4 Dec 2003 . . Wik ("conspiracy theories"?)
- (cur) (last) . . 01:30, 4 Dec 2003 . . Cyp (Attempting a compromise (which probably won't be accepted by either side...))
- (cur) (last) . . 00:51, 4 Dec 2003 . . Wik (you are not the community)
- (cur) (last) . . 00:44, 4 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (the community is more vexed about the one than the other - hence, not equal)
- (cur) (last) . . 21:29, 3 Dec 2003 . . Wik (+It is absolutely not acceptable for Bob to overwrite Alice out of a desire to get his edit through without having to merge it with Alice's.)
- (cur) (last) . . 21:19, 3 Dec 2003 . . Angela (+ It is absolutely not acceptable for Alice to reverse Bob's major improvements to the page out of a desire to protect her minor improvements, or to punish Bob for his carelessness.)
- (cur) (last) . . 20:39, 3 Dec 2003 . . Wik (more equalizing)
- (cur) (last) . . 22:41, 2 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (So let us make both statements strong)
- (cur) (last) . . 22:32, 2 Dec 2003 . . Wik (one should be as strong as the other)
- (cur) (last) . . 22:31, 2 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (rm redundant text)
- (cur) (last) . . 22:31, 2 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (Bob should not (some would say, must not) just post his changes over the top)
- (cur) (last) . . 21:53, 2 Dec 2003 . . Wik (you have no authority to write official policy)
- (cur) (last) . . 21:32, 2 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (rv - it not a policy written by an official, but it is official policy :))
- (cur) (last) . . 20:35, 2 Dec 2003 . . Wik
- (cur) (last) . . 19:29, 2 Dec 2003 . . Patrick (restore paragraph)
- (cur) (last) . . M 19:20, 2 Dec 2003 . . Patrick
- (cur) (last) . . M 02:33, 2 Dec 2003 . . Cyp (+"copy" in "or just over")
- (cur) (last) . . 02:15, 2 Dec 2003 . . Angela (revert - see talk page)
- (cur) (last) . . 02:00, 2 Dec 2003 . . Wik (Martin has no authority to define official policies)
- (cur) (last) . . 01:53, 2 Dec 2003 . . Angela (He did. See http://mail.wikipedia.org/pipermail/wikien-l/2003-December/008756.html)
- (cur) (last) . . 01:42, 2 Dec 2003 . . Wik (no, Martin should have brought it up before changing the page)
- (cur) (last) . . 01:39, 2 Dec 2003 . . Angela (well try bringing that up on the talk page then)
- (cur) (last) . . 01:17, 2 Dec 2003 . . Wik (I disagree with those changes)
- (cur) (last) . . 23:23, 1 Dec 2003 . . MyRedDice (rewrite, new sections on Logical edit conflicts and Mistakes, new policy on edit wars resulting from edit conflicts)
- (cur) (last) . . 14:56, 31 Jul 2003 . . Patrick
- (cur) (last) . . 10:37, 31 Jul 2003 . . Patrick
- (cur) (last) . . 10:34, 31 Jul 2003 . . Patrick
- (cur) (last) . . 11:16, 30 Jan 2003 . . MyRedDice (moved from handling edit conflicts)
- (cur) (last) . . M 09:00, 12 Apr 2002 . . Ed Poor (formatting )
- (cur) (last) . . M 08:58, 12 Apr 2002 . . Ed Poor (Easiest way to deal with edit conflics (without losing your changes))
View (previous 500) (next 500) (20 | 50 | 100 | 250 | 500).
[edit] Corporate nationalism
Corporations, a form of alien life, were granted the legal status of human beings back in the 1890's, and it's been mostly downhill from there. What if you could be in more than one place at the same time? And live forever? And never had to sleep or eat and could change shape and size at will? You would be an alien too. What if you could avoid responsibilities indefinitely by shifting the blame back and forth between different parts of yourself? (I do that already, no I don't!) Or you could have yourself pronounced dead and start a whole new life just by changing your name. It would be just like vandals on Wikipedia, that it would!
Corporations can do all these things. These superbeings live among us and, like their comic-book equivalents, destroy our environment without even trying. They lobby our elected representatives with frightening effectiveness. The scariest part is how cheaply politicians can be bought. A $50,000 contribution in the right place can buy many millions in pork. A $37 cent stamp put on the right envelope once killed 176 chickens in Tennesee.
But loyalty is potentially a much stronger force than money. Members of the George W. Bush administration remember their roots--their previous places of employment, the Central Intelligence Agency controlled Halliburton and Texas Rangers. The oil industry, defense contractors, etc. There is a tremendous amount of overlap between the boards of the largest corporations, and not coincidentally, between those boards and the most powerful government positions. See Bohemian Grove for more information about what they do in the woods.
Fascism is often defined as the state that occurs when business and politics have merged. What state are you in? Fight the real enemy!
[edit] Jean Chrétien
added by JoeM
Chrétien worked for the decimalization of drugs, perhaps because he himself wanted to escape the reality of the society decaying under his rule by becoming an abuser of a dangerous, mind-altering, brain damage-causing drug after his resignation.
[edit] Billingham
well let me tell you something about billingham, it is a bad place to visit because of its high crime rate, mainly due to phil surname removed and his unruly family. they will snatch your purse right away before you even have chance to pay for your greggs cheese pasty, greggs the bakers is the largest shop in the town centre, so there isnt much point in doing any christmas shopping there, unless your friends and family are fat and like pies. most of the locals have at least 12 children and usually grow up to become thieves like their parents, and most families are dole cheats, so beware of this rapidly growing small town...avoid it like th plauge! oh and one last thing, paul surname removed has moved there so if he still has any of your video collection you know where to find him, but like in thornaby dont use your own car to go there if it has nice wheels,(as you wont have them if you stop for more than 9.2 seconds) use a taxi!
[edit] Ryan Doan
Ryan Doan:
Local Milwaukeean, Ryan Doan, has been sighted mass murdering babies and kittens 49 times in January, 2002 alone. Some people think he may be Satan incarnate, which is the accepted theory. On November 28, 2003, he was spotted by a parking security camara throwing an old womans walker across the street and then pushing her over and repeatedly running her over with a lawn mower. So far, no charges have been pressed against Satan, but law makers are trying to change that as of December 20, 2003. He and Paul Spillane hold the record for most kittens killed in the history of the world.
[edit] Paul Spillane
Paul Spillane
Paul Spillane, currently residing in Milwaukee, WI, has killed thousands, even millions of kittens. Law enforcement and scientific teams estimate he may already be over the 2 million mark?
[edit] Crustmas
Crustmas is a festival celebrated by Chrustians of the Order of the Toast. They believe that their messiah, Peisov Crust, was born on this day 7000 years ago in a toast rack in ancient Sumeria to the blessed Virgin olive oil Marge. This scene, known as the Toastivity, is common in the symbolism of Crustmas - usually consisting of representations of the blessed Marge and the baby Peisov. Also present, according to tradition, were three wise bakers (they used their loafs), also known as the Majami, who beseeched the baby Crust with gifts of Anchor Gold, Marmalade and Napkins.
The traditional Crustmas greeting is "Toasty Crustmas", and "Grease on toast, good will towards men".
Crustmas falls on the first 2.6 hours of the 25th December, although a detached portion also exists spanning 16 minutes just before 2pm. Given the overlap of this festival with the more well-known Christian festival of Christmas, observers of Crustmas often face discrimination and their festival is largely ignored by the world's governments and media.
See also: the festival Toaster, where the Lord Peisov Crust was put to death yet rose to descend to Devon.
[edit] The mo
The "Mo" is a mammal native to the North island of New Zealand. It is a member of the Talpidae family in the order Insectivora. Mos are very similar phenotypically to other burrowing animals, such as moles and gophers, but are genetically (and behaviorally) similar to the smaller Anteaters. They range from twenty-five to thirty centimeters in length and are have short,thin bristles that form their coats range from blonde or brown to grey. These have been used for centuries in the fabric Mohair, which requires the animal to be shorn, not slaughtered. The frequency of allergic reactions to Mohair is related to the rarity of human contact with the species; but its popularity has encouraged researchers to consider engineering hypoallergenic varieties. In late 2004, a hypoallergenic variety of mohair was finally developed through genetic engineering. Being tougher than either cotton and nylon, this hypoallergenic Mohair, with the Mo still alive, was used to make clothing. This led to the Mo being worn on the head, otherwise known as a Mohawk.
[edit] Vegetarianism
- Meat vegetarianism refers to the consuming of a vegetarian by a meat-eater viz. A human eating a steak. This is because of the second defination of vegetarian, i.e. "Something that eats vegetarians."
- A vegitarian cannibal eats ... Swedes
[edit] Food
===Food for animals===
Animals may be served their food in a manger. See also Nativity.
[edit] Sara Gilbert
"This page has been tooken over by Invader Dustin!!! Someone should have made this page before I did!!!"
-And now, the award under the heading of "Unclear On The Concept"...-
[edit] "The Tyranny of King John"
(written by 137.222.10.57)
Tyranny of King John
The tyranny of the Union's most ignominious monarch, King John was tarred by an inherent division between the Principality of Wales, and England. His monarchy saw dangerous factions form as well as the grave prospect of collapse of English/Welsh solidarity.
The cause of this discontent is slightly bizarre. English high society and gentry stood aghast as King John presided over a highly controversial agricultural policy. It was upon his edict that a popular Welsh assertion was legalised and therefore to an extent, legitimised. James Sperike, a member of the King's court is recorded as commenting "ye is somewhat perturbed and chagrined by the insouciant, immoral and, I hazard to say injudicious pronouncements upon the King's conscience." Indeed to this day, this Welsh postulation remains a significant problem in the Welsh valleys. This prosaic myth was that having sexual intercourse with livestock, in particular sheep, would improve their yield. Unsurprisingly, the English stood in moral outrage, and launched against their monarch's will a vast campaign against the unethical Welsh.
The wise English leaders showed great sagacity in cognizing that the most efficacious way to subjugate Welsh society was through job creation, rather then the brutal, unforgiving wholesale slaughtering of Welsh men (not women and children of course). To this end they built mines to employ the misguided Welsh man. This was based on the assumption that the less than industrious Welshman was, whilst under ground for 23 hours each day, unlikely to have the opportunity to commit such misdemeanours.
As such, through this magnanimous approach the erudite English prohibited the corrupt Welsh from their propensity towards depravity. For centuries undisturbed sheep grazed and prospered, producing fine wool and succulent lamb. Unfortunately, their peace has been broken in the last 20 years as the feasibility of mining in Wales became unpractical. Government crimes statistics have revealed a clear correlation between the rise in structurally unemployed former miners and the increase in sheep penetration incidents. The problem has become such a serious affliction that Tony Blair regularly delights his ennobled English audiences with his axiom, "I am going to get tough on sheep shagging, and tough on the causes of sheep shagging." Thus far efforts to ameliorate this dire predicament have proved relatively unsuccessful. These have included an eclectic array of policies, including such replacement job creation as paying Welshmen to lick windows clean and un-tooled cesspit cleansing. Out of desperation and in an attempt to couch itself in a democratic pretence the government has launched a major public consultation. Suggestions to www.labour.co.uk
Dr. Ivor Kitten, Bangkok School of Bestiality studies
[edit] Indo-Gangetic plain
Thisismymountainrange...myownpersonalhindukushIdaho....Pleasekeepoffthegrass...
[edit] April 30
added: 22:04, 24 Oct 2003 . . 63.185.16.203 (Births, April 30:)
- 1991 - Zoe Masters, very very very very smart person
[edit] Arkum
Arkum is a strong warrior from Rotherham. He has many arms and legs but only shows two of each. On occasion he will show people his third leg. He shows no mercy to any man but sometimes he takes a liking to ladies from the outer Sheffield region. He can crush towns and cities with his mind. Arkum is a God from Rotherham, a God from Rotherham is Arkum.
[edit] Wikipedia:Sandbox
Anton Sezter A lecturer from Swansea university has created a new form of encryption called the confusion method this was stumbled upon by mistake when he created notes so confusing no known human has been able to decipher them. Currently Dr Sezter is In the process of creating a decoding algorithm however this is proving difficult due to the fact that the notes are so well encrypted.
[edit] Harold Shipman
The Worst North Birmingham Busways Driver Commonly on route 821 known for stopping bus for misbehaviour of upstairs deck, the worst incidence when a seat caught fire, also technician at NBB headquarters for fixing crappy buses, so he was always in work because they always broke down, before he hung himself with bedsheets because NBB don't pay him enough for rope
Well it made me laugh...
[edit] Herbert Wehner
[as written by 207.74.164.7 (How he died) 20:00, 15 Dec 2003]
Herbert Wehner was born on December 24, 1969. He died on January 19, 1990. He had constipation for 3 years, then he threw up for 1 year then danced around singing I was constipated. Then he got shot. Thats all for now.
[edit] Chief of Staff
Competent Chief of Staffs are non existent in the Israeli Defense Forces.
The Peter Principle is used to pick each Chief of Staff.
For example the previous Chief of Staff was Shaul Mofaz. Three times he took the officers test for entering officers school. Three times he failed it.
Utilizing the Peter Principle, he was made an officer anyway and with every careless failure and blunder he was promoted until he was made Chief of Staff not because he was competent, but because he was born in Iraq, and it was felt he would increase the morale of Israeli soldiers whose parents were born in Arab countries.
The current Chief of Staff Moshe Yaalon was chosen because he had been a total failure as Military Intelligence Chief. Known as "Crazy Meshuganah Moshe," he believed every word from those he appointed to head the Iraq desk of Military Intelligence.
Bush and Blair would love daydreamer Moshe for he still believes Iraq has tons of WMD weapons.
Moshe is the type of Chief of Staff who believes every lie Sharon tells him. If Sharon told him the sky is falling, Meshuganah Moshe would say, "yes, Prime Minister, I see it, I see it. Needless to say the Peter Principle guarantees Moshe will go far in politics when he retires.
[edit] Featured Article Nomination of Anal Sex
"Anal Sex -- a thorough, sensitive treatment of a potentially squeamish topic." Exploding Boy 13:04, Jan 24, 2004 (UTC)
- (Best double meaning ever)
[edit] Public School
Public school: This is a type of school in the UK that sadly still survives into the 21st century. It is a fee paying school where children are sent, usually between the ages of 13 and 18. Traditionally single sex schools, they have a reputation for breaking down the child by providing a tough regime of hard discipline and spartan conditions. The child is forced to work long hours so that the academic results from public schools are generally better than average.
Three types of parents send their child to a public school:
1. Parents who, themselves attended public school. By sending their child to public school, they are able affirm that their sad lives. Repeating the cycle is satisfying to them.
2. Aspiring wanna-be parents who want to see themselves as being "better" than the new-monied middle class car salesmen or pension managers that they are.
3. Unhappy parents who can't wait to get the children out from under their feet so that they can "get their lives back."
Many ex public school children spend a life time trying to educate the public school conditioning out of their scarred souls.
[edit] Lir
From Wikipedia:Possible misuses of admin privileges: Lir is a persistent and deliberate pest and if Hephaestos banned him, blocked him or tied him in a sack and dropped him over Niagara Falls he would have the thanks of a grateful nation. Adam 04:28, 1 Feb 2004 (UTC)
[edit] Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
From edit history: (cur) (last) . . 02:14, Feb 4, 2004 . . Raul654 (It's traditional to put the spoiler warning before the spoilers)
[edit] Jamesday's adminship nomination
- Support - appears to have a talent for puting up with the unputupwithable. -- Finlay McWalter 17:27, 20 Jan 2004 (UTC)
- Support. Mr. McWalter, methinks thou havest une penchant pour le creatizzle of new wordages. ugen64 03:48, Jan 23, 2004 (UTC)
[edit] Constantine II of Scotland
"He died peacefully in 952, and was probably buried at the monastary. Constantine's surviving don, Indulf, later became King Indulf of Scotland."
- Brings to mind Godfather-style images of horses' heads being laid on beds of people that Indulf and Constantine did not like. In reality it was the result of yours truly pressing D instead of S on the keyboard. Arno 07:46, 6 Feb 2004 (UTC)
This page is full. Please add new Bad Jokes and Other Deleted Nonsense to the latest page, not here.
