Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Léonce Perret

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[edit] Léonce Perret

This article was recently translated from French to English. It went through the process of editing, revising and proofreading by multiple users. If it is possible, could you make some comments regarding the article's content and possible errors in the editing. Would you also comment on the article's potential as a good/featured article as well (and where to develop)? Thank you very much in advance! :) --lovelaughterlife♥^talk? 02:59, 11 January 2007 (UTC)

[edit] Yannismarou

Informative article, but, in order to be GA or FA in the English Encyclopedia, it needs work. This is my review:

• Cite properly the article pre WP:CITE and WP:FOOTNOTES. The article as it is now has no inline citations, and wouldn't pass neither GAC or FAC.
• "Léonce Perret (May 13, 1880 in Niort, Deux-Sèvres, France – August 14, 1935 in Paris) was a French stage actor and director, then author, actor, director and producer of French films." Why twice "actor" and "director" in the same sentence?
• "He later directed numerous short films and gradually gained significant notoriety in the world of French cinematography." Notoriety has a negative meaning.
• "that earned him a certain amount of notoriety in cinema circles." And repetition of the same forms of expression. I can jugde from the lead that the lead needs improvement. What about a copy-editing by an external native Engish speaker user or asking for the help of the Wikipedia:WikiProject League of Copyeditors.
• "His 1925 ...". Per WP:MoS we wikilink only full dates (December 1, 1925).
• "Around this time he met Valentine Petit, a singer and dancer who was working at the Folies Bergère, who was to become his wife several years later." Prose deficiencies again.
• Georges Sadoul stated: “Perret made brilliant use of every editing resource at his disposal: varied camera angles, backlighting, his cameraman Specht’s beautiful photography… all while working from a rather ordinary script that borrowed heavily from the Deux orphelines. Mixing Ennery’s melodrama with a few jingoistic episodes, Léonce Perret was able to render a graceful and lively story by using an extraordinarily refined cinematic repertoire: backlighting, low-angle shots, close-ups, moving shots and numerous other innovations, all of which Perret implemented with flair, in stark contrast to Louis Feuillade’s minimalist style and the still somewhat primitive technique of David W. Griffith at that time." When you quote italics are not necessary.
• "Today, Léonce Perret is considered to be a self made man who became successful by climbing the ladder rung by rung. He was well known for his independence, creative freedom and several innovations as well as a knack for discovering new talent." A characteristic example why citations are needed! Who asserts these things? Be careful with expressions like "a self made man who became successful by climbing the ladder rung by rung". They are on the verge of WP:POV. And "independence" from what?
• "For example, cinema historians give him little consideration in their published research." Without citations this is weasel.
• "Filmography" is too long and listy. I suggest that you keep the most important of his filmobraphy here and create a sub-article per WP:SS with his full filmography. I did not find another FA for a director (there may be although), but for ideas you could check Henry Fonda or Bette Davis. Per these articles you could also add a section with awards.
• "Quotes" is like a trivia section which is not recommended. Incorporate these quotes, if they are absolutely necessary, in the main article. For ways to do that, you can check to of my article: Demosthenes and El Greco.
• Get rid of the "See also" section. Incorporate these links in the main article, if they are absolutely necessary.
• Alphabetize categories at the end of the article, and add more (such as "Category:1935 deaths", "Category:1880 births" etc.).--Yannismarou 11:13, 14 January 2007 (UTC)

An update:

• Cite properly the article pre WP:CITE and WP:FOOTNOTES. The article as it is now has no inline citations, and wouldn't pass neither GAC or FAC. I cannot find the quotes, as this article was translated from the French Wikipedia. The quotes would be in French, not English. Help?

You can use French sources, but the majority IMO should be in English.--Yannismarou 21:22, 15 January 2007 (UTC)

• "Léonce Perret (May 13, 1880 in Niort, Deux-Sèvres, France – August 14, 1935 in Paris) was a French stage actor and director, then author, actor, director and producer of French films." Why twice "actor" and "director" in the same sentence? Done. It was in the same sentence because he was first a stage director and actor, and later film director and actor. Hope it's more clear now.
• "He later directed numerous short films and gradually gained significant notoriety in the world of French cinematography." Notoriety has a negative meaning. I never looked into the word; in my mind, I think it just passed as acclaim in my head. Changed to acclaim.
• "that earned him a certain amount of notoriety in cinema circles." And repetition of the same forms of expression. I can jugde from the lead that the lead needs improvement. What about a copy-editing by an external native Engish speaker user or asking for the help of the Wikipedia:WikiProject League of Copyeditors. Same as above. Requested copyediting help.
• "His 1925 ...". Per WP:MoS we wikilink only full dates (December 1, 1925). Thanks. Last time I checked the manual of style, I don't think I saw that. Thanks for the refresher.
• "Around this time he met Valentine Petit, a singer and dancer who was working at the Folies Bergère, who was to become his wife several years later." Prose deficiencies again. Changed.
• Georges Sadoul stated: “Perret made brilliant use of every editing resource at his disposal: varied camera angles, backlighting, his cameraman Specht’s beautiful photography… all while working from a rather ordinary script that borrowed heavily from the Deux orphelines. Mixing Ennery’s melodrama with a few jingoistic episodes, Léonce Perret was able to render a graceful and lively story by using an extraordinarily refined cinematic repertoire: backlighting, low-angle shots, close-ups, moving shots and numerous other innovations, all of which Perret implemented with flair, in stark contrast to Louis Feuillade’s minimalist style and the still somewhat primitive technique of David W. Griffith at that time." When you quote italics are not necessary. Done.
• "Today, Léonce Perret is considered to be a self made man who became successful by climbing the ladder rung by rung. He was well known for his independence, creative freedom and several innovations as well as a knack for discovering new talent." A characteristic example why citations are needed! Who asserts these things? Be careful with expressions like "a self made man who became successful by climbing the ladder rung by rung". They are on the verge of WP:POV. And "independence" from what? Added citation needed request, and removed word "independent".
• "For example, cinema historians give him little consideration in their published research." Without citations this is weasel.Added citation needed request.
• "Filmography" is too long and listy. I suggest that you keep the most important of his filmobraphy here and create a sub-article per WP:SS with his full filmography. I did not find another FA for a director (there may be although), but for ideas you could check Henry Fonda or Bette Davis. Per these articles you could also add a section with awards. Created subpages.
• "Quotes" is like a trivia section which is not recommended. Incorporate these quotes, if they are absolutely necessary, in the main article. For ways to do that, you can check to of my article: Demosthenes and El Greco. I don't know if it's best to remove it. I'll propose it on talk page.

If you go in FAC with a trivia section like this one you will probably face criticisms.--Yannismarou 21:22, 15 January 2007 (UTC)

• Get rid of the "See also" section. Incorporate these links in the main article, if they are absolutely necessary. Again, I don't see how this change is necessary. Will propose it on talk page.

The trend is against "See also" sections. If you decide to keep it, make sure you don't repeat articles already linked in the main article.--Yannismarou 21:22, 15 January 2007 (UTC)

• Alphabetize categories at the end of the article, and add more (such as "Category:1935 deaths", "Category:1880 births" etc.) Done.

--Thanks for the comments. --lovelaughterlife♥^talk? 20:47, 14 January 2007 (UTC)

• Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, APR _t 23:08, 15 January 2007 (UTC)