Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Hrant Dink

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[edit] Hrant Dink

Although I started this article, it used to be a simple bio of 2-3 paragraphs. After his assassination, a huge number of editors, Turkish and Armenian, collaborated on the article. Therefore, I am not submitting this as the author of the article, I am one of the contributors.

The article looks fairly good. I would like to have feedback on steps necessary to take it further, to make it GA and FA. Best regards, --Free smyrnan 08:50, 12 February 2007 (UTC)

Article passed GA. --Free smyrnan 05:40, 15 February 2007 (UTC)

[edit] Yannismarou

Congratulations for GA status. These are my suggestions for FA status:

• "(Armenian: Հրանդ Տինք, IPA: [həɹɑnt diːnk][1])". Why do you find it necessary to cite here? And when I trygo to the NY article you cite and link, I go to a NY membership page, asking me username. Done
• "1915-17 massacres of Armenians". Hmmmm ... The article's title is Armenian genocide. I understand your sensitivity on this issue, but you may also face criticism for the particular terminology you chose here instead of "genocide". Done

changed sentence. It now mentions Armenian genocide and is linked as such.

• "Regarding these statements Dink was prosecuted three times for insulting Turkishness[2][4][5]". Two remarks:

• Try not to cite in the middle of a sentence. Do it only if it is absolutely necessary for emphasis reasons. Done
• Try to combine your citations, so as not to have them in a row (two in a row, three in a row etc.). You can use as models Tourette syndrome, El Greco or Battle of Edson's Ridge.

• "Hrant Dink was assassinated in Istanbul on January 19, 2007, allegedly by Ogün Samast, an ultra-nationalist Turk. While Samast has since been taken into custody, pictures of Dink's alleged killer holding up a Turkish flag." Maybe a bit repetitive. You could just say "pictures of Samast".
• "He was born". Personally I don't like to start a new section with "He ..."; "Dink was ..." looks better to me. Done
• Reading "Early life" I see some choppy prose: "He was born in Malatya on 15 September 1954 to Serkis Dink (known as Haşim Kalfa), a tailor from Gürün, and Gülvart Dink, from Kangal. He had two brothers. His early childhood was spent in the care of his grandfather, whose picture Hrant kept close to his heart. His parents split because of his father's gambling problem, and this led Dink and his brothers to move to Istanbul at the age of seven, where he would spend the rest of his life." "In 1972, Dink changed his legal name to Fırat Dink to disassociate his Maoist political activities from the Armenian community.[11] He later graduated from the Zoology department of Istanbul University. He then studied for a second Bachelor's Degree at the Philosophy Department at the same university, which he did not complete." You see: Very short sentences, seamlessly connected, and with no variety in your forms of expression. Personally, I would recommend a copy-editing by a native English speaker, and a careful reading from your part of User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.
• An example of repetitive prose: "Church's ownership of the site of camp, demanding that the land be returned to its previous owner. Following a four-year legal process the court ruled that the land should be returned to its previous owner"
• "The decision was in line with the 1974 decision of The Court of Appeals which declared that all real estate acquired by minorities after 1936 should be either returned back to their previous owners or in case of their bereavment, should be handed over to the National Real-estate Foundation." I would cite here.
• "During this period, Hrant Dink was taken into custody three times because of his political views.[citation needed] Between 1980 and 1990, Dink operated a bookstore along with his brothers and stayed away from political activism.[citation needed]." You can't go to WP:FAC without having fixed the ^{[citation needed]} tags.
• "Editorial policy" is stubby, and the quotes there are longer than the prose.
• "In his public speeches, which were often intensely emotional, he never refrained from using the word genocide when talking about the Armenian Genocide". Oups! Now you speak for a genocide. In the lead, we were told about massacres. Maybe you should be more consistent. And "used the word "genocide" for the "Armenian genocide"" is not the best prose.
• I'm not sure that the use of Dink's photo from Screamers is fair use for this article. It is for "Screamers", but I have some reservations for Dink's article.
• "He was acquitted the first time, convicted and received a postponed 6 months jail sentence the second time, which he had appealed at the European Court of Human Rights and at the time of his death, the prosecutor's office was getting ready to press charges for a third alleged offense". "Having exhausted internal appeal mechanisms, Dink appealed to the European Court of Human Rights for an overturn of the ruling on January 15th. The appeal is on grounds that Article 301 is against freedom of expression and Dink has been discriminated against because of his Armenian ethnicity." "In September 2006, another case was opened against Dink on charges of 'denigrating Turkishness' under Article 301 of the Turkish Penal Code" Why are telling us the same things twice in the same section?
• "after he reportedly referred to the 1915 massacre of Armenians in the Ottoman Empire as a "genocide"" Again this mixture of terms about the Armenian genocide ... And a line below: "Dink had a long history of personal threats by Turkish nationalists for his statements on Armenian identity and the Armenian Genocide." And you don't have to wikilink again something you already linked in the lead.
• "Dink complained of the Turkish state propaganda ..." Does the Turkish state accepts that it committed propaganda against him. Maybe this could be criticized as POV (I don't believe I said that!).
• "According to eye witnesses, Dink was shot by a man of 25–30 years of age, who fired three shots at Dink's head from the back at point blank range before fleeing the scene on foot." This claim definitely needs citing, because it contradicts the police.
• "All leave for police in Istanbul had been cancelled." I did not understand that, but maybe this is because a native English speaker.
• "Yasin Hayal confessed to telling Samast to kill Dink and supplying the murder weapon[60], while Erhan Tuncel has been charged as a main instigator of the killing, and allegedly directed both Samast and Hayal. The BBP has denied any involvement in the assassination.[57][58][61][62]." Per MoS, inline citations go after the punmark without a gap; not before.
• IMO the wole "Reactions" should be turned into proper prose. As I see it now, it is too listy. And FAC reviewers do not like listy sections.
• "Awards" could also be turned into proper prose, but this is not a very important issue.
• In "See also" you repeated links already linked within the main article. This is wrong. I'd suggest that you get rid of this section, incorporating the links (that are not already linked in the main article and are sufficiently important) within the main prose.
• In notes 74 and 82 there are missing data. Cite properly using Template:cite web or Template:cite news. Done
• Alphabetize categories at the end of the article.--Yannismarou 09:42, 16 February 2007 (UTC)

Done

Many thanks for the excellent feedback. I have added links to these on the to-do list for the article and we will address them. --Free smyrnan 13:55, 16 February 2007 (UTC)

I agree with Yannismarou that it's currently too listy. LuciferMorgan 08:21, 25 February 2007 (UTC)