Two (Enneagram)
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Two is one of the nine personality types of the Enneagram, and is sometimes called the Helper, the Giver, or the Caretaker.
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[edit] Basic Description
When Helpers are at their healthiest, they are the most genuinely helpful of all the types. They are the parent that everyone wishes they had: Someone who accepts them, is compassionate, is encouraging and helpful.When they are less healthy, they like to see themselves as being helpful, but really, they have a shadow side of pride and manipulation. They feel that they are worthless and must give to others in order to get the love that they crave. Putting others first makes average Twos feel angry and resentful, and these feelings erupt in various ways that hurt their relationships.
[edit] Childhood
Four things Twos come to believe in childhood:
1) Others' needs come before their own.
2) In order to get, they must give.
3) They must earn love.
4) Acknowledging their own needs is selfish.
Twos learn to get love by being nurturing and giving attention to everyone else. To do this, Twos must repress their own feelings. Subconsciously, Twos try to fix in others what they need to fix in themselves.
[edit] Wings
[edit] Two With A One Wing: The Servant
[edit] Healthy
These people could also be called "Good Samaritans" because they are willing to do thankless tasks that others avoid. They are often teachers, in the healing professions, the ministry, and work with the poor, the handicapped, or the mentally challenged.
[edit] Average
Average 2w1s struggle with their "selfish" feelings, and are dutiful, proper, and perfectionistic. They are restrained emotionally and dislike drawing attention to themselves, but they still want to feel important in other people's lives.
[edit] Unhealthy
These people become very hard on themselves and neglect their health by denying their personal needs and trying to be a martyr.
[edit] Examples of 2w1s
Examples include Mother Teresa, Eleanor Roosevelt, Desmond Tutu, Danny Thomas, Ann Landers, Barbara Bush, Lewis Carroll, Florence Nightingale, and Albert Schweitzer.
[edit] Two With A Three Wing: The Host/Hostess
[edit] Healthy
2w3s are more extroverted. They want a personal connection with others and enjoy making others feel good. They love to share their talents with family and loved ones.
[edit] Average
2w3s are friendly, but their 3 wing makes them ambitious. They are often seductive, and this is the result of a combination between the Two's desire for love and the Three's desire for acceptance. These people are less self-critical than 2w1s.
[edit] Unhealthy
Unhealthy 2w3s are often conceited and overbearing.
[edit] Examples of 2w3s
Examples of 2w3s are Luciano Pavarotti, Sammy Davis, Jr., Sally Jesse Raphael, Arsenio Hall, Anne Meara, Jack Paar, Anne Jackson, Delta Burke, Merv Griffin, and John Denver.
[edit] Instincts
[edit] Self-Preservational Instinct
[edit] Average
In the average range, this type is the most likely to ignore their instincts to take care of themselves and burn themselves out taking care of others. They subconsciously expect others to take care of their needs, but seldom ask for help directly. Helpers often feel like martyrs. They feel that they are entitled for support because of their services. They expect special privileges for their sacrifices, and they may overeat or overmedicate. They manipulate others to get their needs met.
[edit] Unhealthy
Food obsessions, hypochondria, and somatic disorders are common. Suppression of feelings can cause real health problems.
[edit] Social Instinct
[edit] Average
Social Helpers want to be liked and approved of by everyone they know. They have a busy social calendar and hate to be overlooked. They try to be friends with the people who they see as successful. They try to impress people by disposing advice and namedropping. They cause frustration for people who care about them because they spread themselves too thin among a wide range of people while not paying much attention to anyone in particular. They may chase after anyone who gives a little approval.
[edit] Unhealthy
Unhealthy Social Helpers are patronizing and classic enablers.
[edit] Sexual Instinct
[edit] Average
Sexual helpers want to be one person's best friend, as opposed to the Social Helper, who wants to be everyone's friend. They seduce by giving their significant others lots of attention; this can include sexual activity. They become increasingly pushy and demanding, and feel that they simply cannot get close enough to their partner. They try to keep their friends apart, so they do not discover one another and keep the Helper out of the relationship.
[edit] Unhealthy
Sexual Helpers become very jealous and will keep their significant others within contact range. They may stalk the one they're obsessed with and prey upon those who don't refuse them.
[edit] Issues Helpers Will Face in Their Lives
- Pride, Flattery, and Self-Satisfaction
- Looking for Terms of Endearment
- Intimacy and Loss of Boundaries
- Disguised Neediness
- Becoming a Rescuer and Collecting Needy People
- Possessiveness and Control
- Health and "Suffering"
[edit] Levels of Development
| Healthy | |
|---|---|
| Level 1 | Helpers let go of the belief that they should not care for themselves, and they are free to love others without expectations. They achieve their basic desire (to be loved) and experience unconditional love for self and others. |
| Level 2 | Helpers focus on feelings of others with loving concern as a defense against their basic fear. |
| Level 3 | Helpers appreciate, encourage, and support others, and enjoy sharing their talents with others. |
| Average | |
| Level 4 | Helpers start fearing that what they do is not enough, so they want to be assured that others like them. They start pleasing, flattering, and supporting others. |
| Level 5 | Helpers start becoming proud, yet needy, and to not want others out of their sight. |
| Level 6 | Helpers feel frustrated that others take them for granted, but cannot express their hurt. Instead, they focus on their health and remind others about how much they are dependent on them. Physical problems are caused by repressed feelings. |
| Unhealthy | |
| Level 7 | Helpers fear they may be driving people away, so they rationalize their behavior by viewing others as selfish. They try to make other people dependent on them so they won't leave. |
| Level 8 | Helpers begin to pursue love obsessively. They feel that others owe them because they have suffered so much, and they start acting out inappropriately. |
| Level 9 | Helpers at this level fall to pieces physically and emotionally, and others have to step in to take care of them. |
[edit] Self-Development
- Don't be concerned about what everybody thinks. You can't please everyone.
- Recognize that others are usually less effusive than you in expressing their feelings.
- Develop good boundaries.
- Be aware of when you are trying to flatter people and quit doing it when you catch yourself.
- Work on your pride.
- Learn to listen to your body and your heart, and be honest with yourself about your intentions.
[edit] Gifts
[edit] Other Information
Basic Fear: Of being unworthy of being loved.
Basic Desire: To be loved unconditionally.
Temptation: To manipulate others in order to get positive responses
Vice: Pride (specifically, Vainglory, the love of one's own goodness)
Virtue: Altruism
[edit] References
Riso, Don Richard. Personality Types: Using the Enneagram for Self-Discovery. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company, 1987. ISBN 0-395-40575-0.
Riso, Don Richard and Russ Hudson. The Wisdom of the Enneagram: The Complete Guide to Psychological and Spiritual Growth for the Types. New York: Bantam Books, 1999. ISBN 0-553-37820-1.
[edit] Links
| One: The Reformer | Two: The Helper | Three: The Achiever | Four: The Romantic | Five: The Observer |
| Six: The Loyalist | Seven: The Enthusiast | Eight: The Leader | Nine: The Mediator |
