User:The Duke of Waltham
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This is the new account of the user with the account "Bill the Greek". This account is not intended to be a sockpuppet. Edits from the previous account are to stop except for occasions where a significant number of edits is required to participate in polls or elections. The previous account is to be deleted as soon as it is deemed by its owner that it is not needed any more, and when it will be possible to find a procedure to do so.
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His Grace The Duke of Waltham
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Christopher Andrew Chandler, 5th Duke of Waltham GCP (born 1 January 1980), is a British peer, a Wikipedian, herald, architect, city-planner, author, historian, biographer, philosopher, psychoanalyst, Internet legislator, and scholar, as well as Wikipedia's resident sarcastic nobleman.
The son of prominent lawyer Lord Andrew Chandler (1957-1988), Christopher succeeded to the Dukedom in January 1990, on the death of his uncle, Theodore Walter Chandler, who had no issue.
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[edit] Personal life
Meetings with boring members of the upper class aside, the Duke of Waltham has no personal life whatsoever. He is dedicated to his hobbies and splits his time between them and his plans for world domination (though these could as well be counted as one of the aforementioned hobbies).
He currently resides at his family seat in Lincolnshire, Waltham Hall. However, he owns many other houses around the world, most of which he hasn't visited once, even though he spends huge amounts of money annually for their upkeep. Most of that money ends up funding the Duke's overseas servants' secret parties.
[edit] Work
Though it has traditionally been of paramount importance for most members of his class not to do anything even slightly resembling work, the Duke of Waltham has broken all conventions and has undertaken many significant academic projects, all of which have been duly hailed as absolute successes in their fields (despite their actual outcome). Some of those groundbreaking works include:
- the creation of fictional histories and geographies for the cities His Grace has created in SimCity 4,
- analyses of the fundamental problems of democracy (which have resulted in the conclusion that people just don't know how to vote the right people to lead them, so they never do),
- the Newbies Regulation Act, a piece of legislation applied in a number of prestigious forums of the Internet as their Ultimate Law and the basis of all their regulations,
- and ideas for the bringing about of world peace after the domination of the world through Wikipedia (see below).
Undertakings like the above listed ones have helped thousands of people globally and have earned the Duke considerable reputation worldwide.
The Duke also highly enjoys making psychoanalytical diagnoses based on educated guesswork under the alias of Dr Sigmund Fraud, charging exorbitant fees and having much fun in the process. In addition to said outrageous prices, he profits even further by subsequently blackmailing his customers, from whom he has cunningly extracted numerous intimate and embarrassing secrets; as he is no real psychoanalyst, he breaches no etiquette by acting in such a manner.
[edit] Work in Wikipedia
Although he has not contributed much to Wikipedia so far, the Duke is preparing plans to make many and memorable contributions to the noble encyclopaedia that will ensure his great popularity and good reputation, and will eventually lead to his being elected as the Supreme Ruler of Wikipedia (a post he will create as soon as he deposes Jimbo through the use of a combination of mass hypnosis and famous-sounding quotes).
For the time being, however, he is mostly interested in such trivial janitorial tasks as typographic and grammar correction, link redirecting, article restructuring, wikification, and others. Many of those edits will never be credited to His Grace, as the Duke is often too bored to log in his account. He has come to terms with this, and so should you. Categorisation is of special appeal to him and he intends to offer a part of his resources to that sector of operations in the future. For the time being, however, he is a member of the Succession Box Standardization WikiProject, which has fascinated him and the scope of which has found him very agreeable.
[edit] Peerages
Apart from the Dukedom of Waltham, His Grace also holds the Marquessate of Humberland and the Earldoms of Cleeethorpes and Immingham. Though the Marquessate has come into the family by marriage, the other two titles were created specially for the Chandler family, which shows just how important this family is. In other words, show the proper respect to the Duke (and give him many, many shiny barnstars).
That's all you will need to know; further information about any of these peerages can be found nowhere else in Wikipedia, nor will it ever be in the future.
[edit] Awards and other distinctions
In January 2002 the Duke of Waltham received from HM The Queen the great honour of a membership in the Most Southern and Most Noble Order of the Penguin, to which His Grace has been made a Knight Grand Cross. His Grace also holds several honorary positions in various institutions and learned societies around the country and the Commonwealth, and is affiliated with many prominent organisations active in a variety of different fields. Most importantly, he is Master of the Worshipful Company of Evil Grin Manufacturers (yes, Evil Grins™ are a commodity).
Although His Grace has yet to receive any notable awards from Wikipedia for his undoubtedly invaluable services to the Community, he has already established the connections necessary for the acquisition of said distinctions. You can rest assured; when the awards appear on this page, you will know that the agreed upon monetary amounts will have been deposited in the proper (bank) accounts.
[edit] Current projects
As the process of the renovation of the Duke's new working environment and living quarters has greatly progressed, His Grace has decided to participate in his first ever WikiProject, concerning the standardization of succession boxes and the replacement of the old type boxes with the new, improved models.
Apart from the above, of course, there is the ongoing attempt of the Duke to take over Wikipedia (and the world), hearing about which you have undoubtedly grown tired of and which is always first in his list of pending tasks. That is, until it is removed altogether when this goal is achieved (and not if it is achieved, as some very stupid people have at times commented).
Here should be noted that there is no Cabal in Wikipedia. Despite the attempts of some pathetic dim-witted buffoons to expose the existence of such a clandestine organisation within the ranks of Wikipedians, the truth is that "the Cabal" is nothing but yet another disguise for The Conspiracy, the real power behind the scenes. But you haven't learned this from this page, so please be as kind as to forget immediately what you have just read.
Don't say you haven't been warned.
| Member of WikiProject: Succession Box Standardization |
| Peerage of the United Kingdom | ||
|---|---|---|
| Preceded by Theodore Walter Chandler |
Duke of Waltham 1990–present |
Incumbent |
| Honorary Titles | ||
| Preceded by Sir Stephen Cole Bertram |
Master of the Worshipful Company of Evil Grin Manufacturers 1996–present |
Incumbent |
