The Vasectomy Song

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The Vasectomy Song is a musical number from Episode 22, Sibling Rivalry, of Season 4 of the Fox animated TV series, Family Guy. The song features the same barbershop singers that were previously seen in "The Cleveland-Loretta Quagmire."

After a failing a home pregnancy test, Lois and Peter are relieved that won't be having another child. Lois suggests that Peter should get a vasectomy to avoid future similar circumstances. Peter is confused and Brian attempts to explain what a vasectomy is. He then says, "Let these guys explain!", at which point the aforementioned barbershop quartet comes through the door and begins to sing:

A vasectomy's a medical procedure

One that makes you half a man (you're half a man)

Remember when you twisted up your garden hose?

Well, essentially that is the plan (that is the plan)

Peter: Well I'm starting to get the picture, but how's it done?

(quartet continues singing)

You make a small incision in the scrotal skin

Isolate the Vas and then (isolate the Vas and then you)

Hold it in position with a towel clamp

Then you snip the fibrous tissue (then you snip the fibrous tissue)

Hey, but you'll never have to wear a condom

When you do it with your wife

Or anyone else you do it with

We promise not to tell

Like that new hot chick at work

You know the one who always has hi-beams under her ribbed white cotton t-shirt

But then stares daggers at you for checking her out

And it's like, "Why do you wear that if you don't want attention?"

But you know you shouldn't think that way because of the sexual harassment meeting you all had to go to

Seriously, how lame was that?

And you couldn't help but notice the female lawyer running the seminar had a huge rack

Like, ridiculously huge for someone who has to talk about that kind of stuff

Well I guess that's the definition of the word irony

(Goodbye) Say goodbye to manhood!

(Goodbye) Say goodbye to babies!

(Goodbye) Say goodbye to kids like Meg!

Vacuum out your sack!

This is sung in the traditional barbershop quartet style of the early 20th century.