The Stoned Age

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The Stöned Age
Directed by James Melkonian
Produced by David Heyman
Neal H. Moritz
Written by James Melkonian
Rich Wilkes
Starring Michael Kopelow
Bradford Tatum
Clifton Collins Jr.
Renee Griffin
Distributed by Lion's Gate
Release date(s) 1994
Running time 95 min.
Language English
IMDb profile

The Stöned Age (also known as 'Tack's Chicks') is a 1994 American movie directed by James Melkonian.

This movie opens with a crawl, somewhat like Star Wars, the crawl says:

:Once upon a time

:In a land called Suburbia

:there lived a noble breed of men.

:Men who spent their lives

:on a never-ending quest

:for Honor...

:Glory...

:and Fine Chicks...

This summarizes this stoner film, set during the 1970s. The longhaired stoner Michael Hubbs and his sidekick Joe Connolly spend the night cruising around looking for some "fine chicks".

Contents

[edit] Plot summary

Spoiler warning: Plot and/or ending details follow.

Hubbs and Connelly are out driving around in Hubbs' car "The Blue Torpedo", looking for girls when they pass a guy named Tack, whom they think is a total loser. After Joe spits a loogey at him (at the urging of Hubbs), Tack yells out "I got some chicks!", so Hubbs backs up and they let Tack get into the car. Tack tells them he has a "shitload" of fine chicks staying near "that Frankie Avalon place."

After going to pay for gas and cigarettes, Hubbs and Connolly talk to the clerk, a guy named Crump, who tells him about two "radical chicks" his brother has up in Torrance Beach (who are also) near "that Frankie Avalon place." Crump tells them that it's a closed party, because there are only two chicks there.

They lie to Crump and tell him that this girl named Desiree Gibson (whom Crump's psychotic brother "digs") is doing amateur night at Dirty Doug's Strip Club.

They end up telling Tack to get out and wash their windows and then leave him at the gas station after finding out 'Tack's chicks' are really 'Crump's brother's chicks'.

Hubbs and Joe arrive at the women's house, but decide that only one of the chicks; a girl named Lanie (who looks "just like that chick from the Virgin Killer album") is actually "fine". Lanie won't let them in to party unless they bring some 151.

So Hubbs and Joe head to Liquor World, sneak a bottle of 151 past the crazy disco guy clerk(played by Taylor Negron) and two inept Barney Fife-ish cops, and return to her house. Tack later ends up arriving with his nerdy friend "Snot-Rag" and almost costs Hubbs and Joe to lose the women by taking them to a party in Palos Verdes.

After getting the women back home, Hubbs and Laney have sex while Joe is stuck talking to her much less attractive friend, Jill.

Joe and Jill go for a walk, and when they return find Tack and a gang of horny guys carrying cases of Ox 45 they stole from a warehouse outside Jill's house. Tack calls Jill a fat-ass and the guys all beat up Joe. Jill helps Joe get back into the house and then Crump's brother shows up.

Crump's brother beats down all of the guys outside, then tries to get inside the house, Joe and Hubbs are able to keep him out for awhile. But just when it looks like he is about to get inside, Jill's father Warren (played by David Groh) shows up and beats the crap out of him. Hubbs and Joe try to get out of the house before Warren has them arrested, but only Hubbs is able to escape at first. Warren calls the cops and Joe finally escapes (after hearing a lecture about "all that heavy metal music"). Joe sneaks a kiss from Jill, and asks her last name so he'll call her afterwards, which might never happen since her name is Wajakawakawitz.

[edit] Trivia

  • The producers initially titled it Tack's Chicks and then Teenage Wasteland, before settling on The Stöned Age.
  • In the original script, Joe Connolly was going to be a big fan of The Who; but due to legalities, Blue Öyster Cult was used instead.
  • Originally the script called for the guys to drink Colt 45. However, the Colt 45 company refused to allow it because they don't endorse under-age drinking. So the producers made up the brand Ox 45, and used it instead.
  • William Shatner was going to make a cameo instead of Frankie Avalon, but that was changed for unknown reasons. Also, if Shatner would've done it, the place near the "chick's house" would've been called "that William Shatner place".
  • Hubbs and Tack both say Lanie looks like "the chick from the Virgin Killer album." That is a reference to the Virgin Killer record by the Scorpions which originally featured a naked blonde girl on the cover.
  • In the opening hitchiking scene, and when Tack calls Snot-Rag on the payphone; you can clearly see cars from the 1980's and 90's, this movie was apparently set in the late 70's despite the fact that alot of the merchandise and such were all products of the 90's.

[edit] Cast

[edit] Quotes

  • Hubbs (to Joe): Ever since you got hit by that laser at that Blue Öyster Cult show you've been acting like a pussy!
  • Buffalo Chick #1: It's a party.
Joe: Who's it gonna be, just you chicks?
Buffalo Chick #1: Yeah. We could play... submarine.
Hubbs: Actually, ladies we gotta get going.
Buffalo Chick #2: Where are you going?
Hubbs: Just cruisin' man.
  • Jill: This guy kinda reminds me of Mondo Man.
Lanie: Yeah kind of.
Joe: Who the fuck is Mondo Man?
Jill: Oh, he's just some dude.
  • Tack: Bring on the bitches!
(Lanie walks in)
Tack: Oh shit, I'm gonna scorch my shorts!
  • Joe (to Jill's dad after he comes home and catches the guys at his house): Nothing happened, man. She didn't even give me head.
  • Jill's Dad: Where do you get your values? From that stinking heavy metal music you listen to day and night?
Joe: Yeah, that's it, man. It's all the music! You know everything is just fine until we just listen to a couple of heavy metal albums. Then we get all fucked up!
  • Hubbs (to Joe): You snooze, you lose!!
  • Hubbs (to Joe): You're not playing that pussy shit in the Blue Torpedo!
  • Snot-Rag's Mother: Don't eat too many hot-dogs!
  • Tack: You'd rather watch The Dukes of Hazzard instead of getting laid?
Snot-Rag: But its my favorite show!
  • Tack' friend: These are talls man!
  • Hubbs (to Joe): Every band puts out at least one pussy song so they can find out who the faggots are!
  • Hubbs: I'd kick his ass if it wasn't for his massive upper body strength.
  • Hubbs: Information without transportation equals dick.
  • Hubbs: If it wasn't for you and this fag me and Joe would be having a tittie-fest right now!

[edit] External links

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