The Offroaders
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Simon Bush and Lyndsay Mottram aka The Offroaders are fictional characters played by Charlie Higson and Paul Whitehouse in the hit BBC comedy sketch show The Fast Show, which ran for four series between 1994 and 2000.
In each sketch Simon (Higson) and Lyndsay (Whitehouse) attempt to impress their fellow members of the Association of Offroaders as they are filmed by their unseen friend Baz while travelling the country in their 4x4 vehicle "The Beast", but because of their disastrous ineptitude something always goes horribly wrong, from becoming stuck in mud or jammed against a bank to sinking without trace in a ditch. In series 2 and 3 they turn their hand to a number of impressive - sounding extreme sports instead, with equally disastrous results. Their catchphrase, stated before setting out in The Beast (said by one or both men depending on the sketch), is "It's gripped ... sorted ... let's offroad!"
Some activities they have tried, and spectacularly failed at, include:
- Shark fishing - Simon lost his hat and Lyndsay became seasick
- Paintballing - Lyndsay would not stop shooting the paint at Simon instead of their opponents, which culminates in Simon shooting Lyndsay in the crotch.
- Bushcraft - With no food in sight, they decided to compromise by going to Pizza Hut and topping the pizza with some wild mushrooms Simon found in the forest, but these turned out to be "magic mushrooms", with predictable consequences ("I am the mushroom god!")
- Mountain climbing - Lyndsay was too scared to climb up more than a few inches above the ground, citing "rock blindness" as the reason for his inadequacies.
- Potholing - They decided it was too dangerous, and went to the pub instead
- White water rafting - Lyndsay pushed Simon into the water, after which Simon attacked him with an axe
