The Little Golden Calf
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| Author | Ilf and Petrov |
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| Original title | Russian: Золотой телёнок |
| Country | U.S.S.R. |
| Language | Russian |
| Genre(s) | Satirical novel |
| Publisher | |
| Released | 1931 |
| Media type | Print (Hardback & Paperback) |
| ISBN | NA |
The Little Golden Calf (Russian: Золотой телёнок) (1931) is a famous satirical novel by Soviet authors Ilf and Petrov. Its hero, Ostap Bender appeared in the previous novel of the authors, The Twelve Chairs. The title alludes to the "Golden calf" expression. The book has also been translated into English as The Golden Calf.
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[edit] Plot summary
Ostap Bender is alive again, presumably having somehow survived assassination in the previous book. This time he hears a story about "underground millionaire" Alexandr Koreiko. Koreiko has made millions (a truly enormous sum, with an average contemporary salary being in the neighborhood of 100 rubles a month) through various, not-quite-legal businesses, taking full advantage of the widespread corruption in the New Economic Policy period.
Living in a small town by the Black Sea and working as an accountant for a government office in charge of economic management (it actually does not manage anything but is rather involved in years-long bureaucratic battles against another such government office), Koreiko hoards his ill-gotten gains in a large stash of money in a suitcase, waiting for the fall of the Soviet government so that he can make use of it.
Together with two petty criminal associates and a naive and innocent car driver, Bender finds him out and proceeds to collect more information about Koreiko's business activities. Koreiko tries to flee, but Bender eventually catches up with him, in Central Asia in Turkestan (Uzbekistan), and blackmails him for a million rubles.
Suddenly rich, Bender faces a difficult problem of how to spend his money in a country where there are no legal millionaries. He cannot buy real estate or even get a luxury hotel room, because such rooms are reserved for more socially important travellers. Nothing of the stereotypical life of the rich that Bender aspired to seems possible in the Soviet Union. Frustrated, Bender even decides to anonymously donate the money to Ministry of Finance, but changes his mind, buys a large quantity of jewels and gold and tries to cross the Romanian border, only to be robbed by the Romanian border guards.
Koreiko finds another job as an accountant, hides the remainder of his cash, and continues to wait for the fall of the Soviets.
[edit] Catch phrases
- Beer is served only to members of the trade union ("Пиво отпускается только членам профсоюза"), an eternal parody of the Soviet system of privileges.
- The automobile is not a luxury, but a means of transportation ("Автомобиль -- не роскошь, а средство передвижения"). The phrase, reminiscent of Soviet style advertising, had some circulation within the Eastern Block, a late paraphrase from Mircea Dinescu (circa 1989): A wife is not a luxury, but a means of transportation (referring to people who took Western spouses in order to emigrate).
- Keep on sawing, Shura, keep on sawing! ("Пилите, Шура, пилите!"). It is ironically spoken of an attempted enterprise which is about to fail, especially when the continued effort is simply to postpone the moment of disaster and punishment, a situation known as "death march" in software development. In the novel, two hapless crooks stole kettlebells thinking they are golden inside. The original text is without "Shura", but the folklore versions usually add the name as above or: Keep on sawing, keep on sawing, Shura!
- Now I will have to become a building superintendent! ("Придется переквалифицироваться в управдомы" - the last line of the book). Spoken after your dreams have been crushed and hard reality is setting in.
