The Detectives

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This article is about the British series. For the American series of the 1950s, see The Detectives Starring Robert Taylor.

The Detectives (1993-1997) was a British comedy series, starring Jasper Carrott, Robert Powell, and George Sewell. It was a spoof of police dramas, which were numerous in the 1990s, and it was aired on BBC One.

The Detectives originated from a 5-minute sketch which first appeared on Jasper Carrott's sketch/stand-up show Canned Carrott. Because of its success, it was turned into a television series. There were a few differences from the sketch to the TV series, such as Bob Louis being married in the sketch, yet both he and Briggs are single and hopeless at romance in the series.

Jasper Carrott and Robert Powell play the bumbling detective constables Bob Louis and David Briggs. They were hopeless at their job, to the despair of their "super" Frank Cottam (played by Sewell). However, they usually ended up solving their cases and retaining their jobs, though they came close to being fired on occasion. Louis was more downbeat, whereas Briggs tried to emulate the gung-ho cops shown on TV and in film.

The series has been compared to the series Special Branch (1969-74), but it bears more similarity to The Sweeney (1976-78). Cottam, the superintendent, is a spin on The Sweeney's Chief Inspector Haskins (played by Garfield Morgan), and moreover the original sketches were introduced by a blue-tinted sequence and musical score that parodied The Sweeney's opening titles.

Each episode showcased different guest stars, and some of them played the same characters they played in other television series. An example is Leslie Grantham's appearance as Danny Kane from The Paradise Club - in another episode, John Nettles and Terence Alexander reprised their roles from Bergerac.

In June 2006, the first series was released on DVD for the first time.

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1 Main characters
2 DVD Releases
3 Quotes
4 Episodes

[edit] Main characters

[edit] David briggs (Robert Powell)

Briggs usually portrays/spoofs the leader of a crime-fighting duo that takes all the risks, leads the cases and comes up with the ideas, but is always unluckier in flirting with girls. He always thinks Bob a 'pessimist'. His hobbies include eating pilchards and quavers, watching football,art and trying to impress girls. His name could be a reference to Lethal Weapon cop, Martin Riggs(Mel Gibson).

[edit] Bob Louis (Jasper Carrott)

Though being the cynic and the voice of reason, Bob Louis is as hopeless as Briggs at flirting with girls.In some ways, Louis is usually better than Briggs in some ways. For instance Bob can play the guitar, while Briggs can only play feelings on the mouth-organ. In the Canned Carrott sketches, He turned out to be already married, though rumors to the contrary stating that they could have divorced. Like Jasper Carrott he also supports Birmingham city. He likes doing the same things as Briggs(except for eating pilchards).

[edit] Superintendent Cottam (George Sewell)

Frank Cottam is a parody of George Sewell's earlier character in Euston Films drama Special Branch. Cottam usually gives Briggs and Louis dangerous assignments to get rid of them, but as the series progressed, he learnt that he was going to need them, one way or another.His judgements about them can change rapidly.For instance, in the episode, 'Sparring partners',he gave them a dangerous job out of a 'perverted desire for revenge', but at the end, he said that they were'damn fine officers'.

[edit] "Crusher"

Crusher is a prisoner who's friends with Briggs and Louis. He hasn't been shown, but reccuring references were made about him: the first was the episode 'Hostage' when apparently, he was driving a police van that dropped them off.In 'Acting constables' we hear his voice for the first time, but the voice is unknown.

[edit] DVD Releases

Series 1: June 2006
Series 2: September 2006
Series 3: October 2006
Series 4: February 2007
Series 5: April 2007

[edit] Quotes

Louis: "Well, I've never seen anything like that Brian/Kidnapper(from 'Hostage'):"What?" Louis:"How he missed from there, I do not know." Briggs:Well, it was a difficult angle." Brian:"You've got to remember the surface is a bit wet, underfoot." (Toilet flushes)

(From 'studs')(Louis comes out of the stables in a mess towards Briggs and Bergerac) Louis:"I've lost my watch." (There is ringing coming from the stables) Louis:"It's six o'clock."

Briggs:"I had to quit boxing. Something wrong with my eyes." DC Hendry(From 'sparring partners'):What, detached retina?" Louis:"No, every time someone hit him, he burst into tears."

(Briggs and Louis are dressed as hippies, trying to get into a road protester's camp) Briggs:"You're loving this aren't you?" Louis:(flicking his long blonde wig around)"What?" Briggs:"Having hair."

[edit] Episodes

Series One
Title	First broadcast	Notes
What the Butler Saw	1993-01-27	The Earl of Lisson is cruelly slain at his country hotel, Louis and Briggs are called in to investigate. The murderer is obviously one of the weird assortment of staff and guests. But, Whoddunnit? The Detectives probe their suspects, including the mysterious Jerry Palmer (Jerry Hall).
Hostage	1993-02-03	It's F.A. Cup Final day and as Louis and Briggs settle in front of the telly with two crates of lager, another fanatic - of the killing kind - escapes from prison. As a dangerous situation develops the detectives are brought on as substitutes to play their part in a potentially dangerous game... With guest star Michael Melia.
Teed Off	1993-02-10	The Detectives take to the fairway to investigate suspected arms dealer and keen golfer Johnny McKenna (Jimmy Tarbuck). With a promotion up for grabs, the pair are keen to impress their boss, but when McKenna turns nasty, they find themselves in a whole new - and much more painful ballgame. Tony Jacklin makes a guest appearance.
Acting Constables	1993-02-17	Louis and Briggs take centre stage when they join the cast and crew of a TV drama as technical advisers. Intoxicated by a whiff of the greasepaint they fail to notice the real-life drama being acted out behind the scenes. With George Sewell as their long-suffering boss Superintendent Frank Cottam.
Studs	1993-02-24	The dim duo are in holiday mood as they sail for Jersey to investigate an international smuggling ring. Eager to bump up their expenses, Louis and Briggs put the investigation on hold while they soak up the sun, only to be brought firmly down to earth by local detective Jim Bergerac (John Nettles).
Strangers in Paradise	1993-03-03	When crime boss Tony Mazola is gunned down by mystery assassins, it seems that nothing can prevent all-out gang warfare. The killers have to be caught - and quickly. Specially selected for this dangerous mission, Louis and Briggs are sent undercover to a notorious East End club to keep an eye on prime suspect Danny Kane (Leslie Grantham). Also starring Barry Cryer.
Series Two
Collared	1994-03-02	Suspended after an unfortunate incident involving the Queen, Briggs and Louis decide to regain favour by nicking some serious East End villains.
Witness	1994-03-09	Two tough detectives are required to go undercover at a monastery. Unable to find any, the Super employes Briggs and Louis.
Never Without Protection	1994-03-16	A Duchess keeps appearing in the tabloids canooding with her police bodyguards. What the Super needs are two completely unappealing detectives...
Dutch Cops	1994-03-23	On Customs and Excise duty in Felixstowe, Bob and Dave manage to get themselves trapped in the back of a pilchard lorry - and Bob hates pilchards. A tenuous line of reasoning brings Dave to the conclusion that they must be in Venice - when in fact they're in Amsterdam. Unbeknown to then, they are also in possession of a large quantity of diamonds that had been smuggled there in the lorry - attracting the attention of the "wrongful owners"... Guest starring Herbert Lom.
Sparring Partners	1994-03-30	A natural steroid that promotes raw aggression has been developed, and the British Boxing Board of Control is worried that a certain trainer may be using it on his boxers. Briggs and Louis masquerade as the manager and trainer of a more athletically built policeman, working undercover at said trainer's gym. However, they are rather more interested in the drug's side effects, which include enhanced sexual prowess and drive... Guest starring Tim Healy.
Rear Window	1994-04-06	While Louis is comfined to a wheelchair, he witnesses a brutal crime of passion, but has trouble convincing Briggs that it wasn't all in his mind.
Series Three
D.C. of Love	1995-01-09	As a lonely and meaningless retirement beckons after 25 years on the force, the boys are given the task of finding 'The Black Widow' after a series of gruesome lonely hearts murders.
Flash	1995-01-16	After mixing their drinks at the policemen's ball, Louis and Briggs confront a new horror involving a flasher, a marquess and the commissioner's wife.
Art Attack	1995-01-23	When forced to transfer into the Fine Arts Squad, our heroes are despatched to recover the latest artistic creation of 'enfant terrible' Hadyn Smailes - a pair of maracas, a tin of peaches and a fish tank of the artist's own urine.
On Thin Ice	1995-01-30	When Briggs and Louis investigate an attack on a top figure skater, the pair wind up on ice but fail to gain marks for artistic interpretation.
Between A Rock And A Hard Place	1995-02-06	After 30 years of watching and waiting, Superintendent Cottam ropes the boys into helping him catch notorious bullion thief, Ronnie Richardson. Guest starring Mike Reid.
Twitchers	1995-02-13	Briggs and Louis are assigned a case protecting the eggs of a newly-discovered breeding pair of red kites. Their unenthusiasm turns to panic as the eggs are stolen. Guest starring Bill Oddie.
Special
Thicker Than Water	1995-12-23	As Briggs and Louis settle down for Christmas dinner a reknown criminal attempts to break in. But will a Christmas mugging turn into a family reunion for Louis?
Series Four
The Great Escape	1996-02-15	Briggs & Louis are handcuffed to Harry the great escaper while he's on a train back to prison and he tries to escape again, leaving the trio stranded in the Yorkshire moors.
Fur Coat, No Knickers	1996-02-22	A murder occurs at a historical recreation of the Battle of Hastings, but Briggs and Louis are more concerned with a quiz asking them to find the 19 (as there were in '96) last names of English League football teams.
Back to Class	1996-02-29	Drugs are found in the locker of a girl at a private school. In an appeal against her expulsion, she claims they have been planted by her socialite classmates. Bob and Dave are assigned to the case, but they can't keep their minds off the fact that Myrtle the Turtle, the last female member of a very rare species, has just died while under their supposed protection.
Sacked	1996-03-07	A new female Superintendent takes over the department. She decides a clean sweep is needed and Briggs & Louis are useless so it's time for them to go. Surely this isn't the end for the bumbling duo?
The Wembley Stadium Mystery	1996-03-14	The chief's son has joined the police force and his father has ordered that he not be treated any different from the others. So Frank puts him with Briggs & Louis, who are assigned to guard Wembley Stadium that weekend. However another pair at the branch offer black market tickets to Briggs & Louis and the chief's son grasses them up, making it look like Briggs & Louie have done something on that day.
Series Five
Special Branch	1997-01-14	Briggs & Louis are sent to help Special Branch on a case that will put a local bunch of gangsters behind bars. Only they manage to mess it up big style
Cardiac Arrest	1997-01-21	A gang member is shot by police during a getaway and is unconscious in hospital. The gang leader wants to ensure that he doesn't turn King's Evidence by killing him before he comes round. Briggs and Louis are assigned to protect the unconscious gang member while he is in hospital - giving Bob all sorts of opportunities to express his hypochondria.
The Beast Of Hackney Marshes	1997-01-28	Bob and Dave's talent contest preparations are interrupted by strange reports of a bear on the loose in Hackney.
The Curse Of The Comanches	1997-02-04	Briggs & Louis are sent to spend a week in the army, To toughen themselves up, they just blag their way though the whole week much to the super's displeasure
Best Man	1997-02-11	Briggs & Louis are invited to a wedding, Only Briggs gets asked to be the best man, he can't figure out why because he barely knows the groom, But as it turns out its due to a case when he was a young bobby and the bride's father is not really dead. He's in prison framed for a crime he did not commit.
Mine's A Large One	1997-02-18	The head has decided to once again do a job swap scheme. The boys get put on the river police only to find they don't anything they have found their paradise and are about to negotiate a permanent swap, When the boat runs into an unexploded WWII river mine.....
Special
Go West, Old Man	1997-12-28	After years of stress due to being responsible for useless bungling detectives, Chief Superintendent Cottam suddenly disappears. Bob and Louis follow his trial all the way to Canada to try and get him to come back to England but will he be easily persuaded?