The Catherine Tate Show characters
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The following characters appear in the comedy sketch show The Catherine Tate Show on BBC Two. Comedienne Catherine Tate plays all of the characters, which she has created.
[edit] Main characters
[edit] Lauren Cooper
Lauren's full name is Lauren Alesha Masheka Tanesha Felicia Jane Cooper. In the first series, Lauren was a comprehensive school student with a bad attitude. She frequently responded to unfavourable situations by asking in speed-pyke, "Am I bovvered? Am I bovvered though? Do I look bovvered?" If insulted, she would ask; "Are you disrespecting me? Are you disrespecting my family?" or "Are you calling me a pikey? Are you calling my mum poor? Are you calling my dad a wino?" Sketches throughout the series saw Lauren arguing with authority figures such as train inspectors and teachers, as well as her friends. Lauren was one of the most popular characters with fans, and would arguably go on to be the most recognisable from the show. (Listed as "Fly Girl" on DVD).
In Series Two, she became more offensive than ever before. One notable change was that Lauren started being insulting without provocation, while in the past, her catchphrase of "Am I bovvered?" was only used after she believed that she had been wronged in some way. She was now in Year 11 and, according to one of her teachers, in grave danger of leaving school with no GCSEs.
In Series Three, she spent the summer holidays working at Billy's Burger Bar. She had a new rival for Ryan's affections, played by EastEnders actress Natalie Cassidy, and believed that Ryan wanted to marry her. As a sixth-former her attitude at school was the same as before, although she had succeeded in learning the chemical symbols of many of the chemical elements; in that sketch she said "I ain't Bovvered" in an imitation of Stephen Hawking's voice. She refused to speak French for an oral exam but knew enough of the language to insult her French Teacher, even making a few references to 'Allo 'Allo!, specifically to the character of Officer Crabtree. Lauren was due to marry Ryan in the final episode, but was jilted at the altar because he was embarrassed when she sang a very off-key version of Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On to the guests. In the 2005 Christmas Special, her singing was similar to this.
[edit] Charity appearances
Tate appeared several time in charity sketches, as the well-known character Lauren. Tate made an appearance during the BBC's Comic Relief telethon in March 2005, in the guise of Lauren the Teenager. In a section of the show which saw fans of McFly asking questions to the group, Lauren decided to ask, "Why are you so rubbish?" When told by Simon Amstell, who was hosting the segment, that only positive questions were allowed, Lauren used a variety of her catch phrases, including "Am I bovvered?" and continued to question them in a harsh manner.
In November 2005, Lauren appeared in a special sketch for the BBC's annual Children in Need telethon. The segment was a crossover with EastEnders, featuring Barbara Windsor as Peggy Mitchell, Kacey Ainsworth as Little Mo Mitchell and Lacey Turner as Stacey Slater. The sketch saw Lauren arrive in Walford in search of revenge on Stacey, who had apparently stolen her boyfriend. When she made an appearance in the Queen Vic, Peggy found herself getting increasingly frustrated with the visitor, who asked, "Are you a Cockney? Are you a Cockney sparrow?" (pronounced 'Cockeney').
In November 2005, Lauren was a featured sketch at the 77th Royal Variety Performance. After Lauren embarrassed herself in front of the audience, Ryan pointed out that the Queen was laughing at her. Looking up at the Royal Box, she asked "Are you disrespecting me?" and mimicked the Queen's accent, asking, "Is one bovvered?
On March 16, 2007, Tate appeared twice on Comic Relief as Lauren. Guests in the sketches included David Tennant, who acted as Lauren Cooper's teacher who actually turned out to be the real Doctor from Doctor Who or at least had his own sonic screwdriver (Tate had co-starred with Tennant in the 2006 Doctor Who Christmas special, The Runaway Bride). Tony Blair also made a cameo appearance, who saw Lauren Cooper while she was on work experience at Downing Street. Upon Lauren attempting to tell Blair who the most famous person she had met was, he asked her if he was "bovvered", to the astonishment of Lauren. He then instructs her to "look at his face" and acknowledge that "no part of it is bovvered". He then orders her out of his office, prompting Lauren shout back that the most famous person she has met is Ross Kemp.
[edit] Joannie "Nan" Taylor
The foul-mouthed grandmother was an old, cockney woman who constantly swore at and criticised other people. She was always visited by her well-mannered grandson where the visits usually started off well enough, with the grandmother showing how grateful she was that her grandson had come to see her. However, things usually took a turn for the worse after she started to make unfavourable comments about her neighbours, family, or home help visitors. Joannie would be very pleasant to visitors, but after they left, she would criticise and rave about them. Sketches saw the grandson take her to a pound shop, which ended in shambolic consequences, saw Joannie complain to her grandson about her home help visitor, when she referred to her as "a fucking thief" and when she called her new grandchild ugly.
In Series Two, Nan spent less time in her living room. One sketch saw her grandson's friend fix her television, where Joannie was persistent that he accepted money for his efforts, but when he finally took the money after much persuasion, she was appalled and claimed she was mugged in her own front room. She made a disastrous visit to the doctor where she was enraged when somebody who attended the doctor with a headache. She also spent two weeks in hospital. True to form, she did not suffer in silence, complaining about her fellow patients and accusing a nurse of stealing from her. Whilst in hospital, her grandson brought one of his friends to visit her. Unfortunately, she had an abnormally big nose, which caused Joannie to become fixated with it and offered her some old sheets to use as tissues. Another sketch saw Joannie arrive home from a funeral, where she was very upset, until she realised that the deceased woman actually owed her fifteen pounds, causing Joannie to become outraged. In another sketch, Peter Kay guest starred as one of Nan's friends; he referred to homosexuality as a disability, which had a humorous element to it as a result of Nan's grandson being opposed to Kay's statement. In the Christmas special, a sketch saw Joannie attending an elderly person's Christmas party. At the party, Charlotte Church made a guest appearance as herself, where she started to sing for the guests, which prompted Joannie to exclaim; "what a load of old shit!"
In Series Three, Leslie Phillips played another of Nan's friends, who was himself very much like her, evident when he said "What a fucking liberty" when Nan visited him in hospital and left him a present he did not like, and Sheila Hancock appeared as her sister June, who lived in Spain and was equally as foul mouthed as Nan. We found out that most of their family were London gangland career criminals and mass murderers, with nicknames such as "Clown Face" and "Wallop nuts". Nan also made a characteristic appearance on The Paul O'Grady Show where she ended up storming off the set and swearing. Joannie Taylor also appeared on game show Deal or No Deal hosted by Noel Edmonds. The sketch was shot especially for Comic Relief 2007. In the sketch, Nan played a game of Deal or No Deal, in which she uncovered the five highest amounts of money in the first five boxes. Being given an offer of £199 by the Banker, Nan accepted the offer happily, having already cheated and looked in her box and found that it only contained £50.
[edit] Bernie
The incompetent nurse. Bernie was an unruly, randy Irish nurse who bordered on being sacked in the hospital where she worked in every episode. She frequently made inappropriate remarks to her patients, flirted with most of the male staff, took a critically ill patient on a wild night out, and mixed up the records of patients who are dead and alive.
In Series Two, Bernie made only two appearances: in one episode, she was nearly sacked after being hypnotised, while in another she returned to her usual man-eating ways.
In Series Three, four of her siblings (Brenda, Bridie, Seamus and Paddy), all identical to Bernie and even more over the top in their behaviour, caused havoc when they came over from Ireland to visit her during her shift at the hospital. It was discovered that Bernie shuns medical terms for intimate bodily parts because she confuses them with the names of another sister and brother, Virginia (vagina) and Clint (don't ask).
[edit] Paul and Sam
The Essex couple. They are happily married yet slightly simple, and found everyday situations surprisingly hilarious. Paul and Sam would often tell each other stories, which they found highly funny and interesting, but would in fact be everyday situations. The stories would build up and when completed, Paul and Sam would both produce an exaggerated and silent laugh. Tate revealed in an interview that these characters are based on people that she knows, but that they are not aware of this despite enjoying the sketch.
In episode five of Series Two, we were introduced to Sam's parents, who share many of the same characteristics as their daughter. Paul Whitehouse guest starred as her father and My Hero's Geraldine McNulty guest starred as her mum. In the Christmas special, it is later revealed they have two children who look like them and behave in a similar manner. Paul and Sam made only two appearances in Series Three, featuring in the last episode and still very excitable over the slightest thing.
[edit] Kate and Ellen
The office workers sketch which followed two office workers who sat next to each other. While one (played by Ella Kenion) was usually keen to get on with her work, she was frequently disturbed by the other, (played by Tate). She continually made conversation about her lifestyle, inviting her co-worker to "Have a guess!" on such delicate situations as how much weight she had lost, how many miles she could run, and how much money she paid for her holiday. While the sensible worker was reluctant to go along with the game, she was pressured into making a "wild guess", which almost always resulted in Tate's character becoming insulted and consequently offensive. Towards the end of the series, the nice worker would occasionally guess correctly. This upset Tate's character who reacted in ways such as calling her co-worker a lesbian. The name of the office is written on the set as 'Callas & Sait' which although has been suggested is perhaps a reference to the callousness versus saintliness of the characters, actually refers to the surnames of two production staff on the show. In the script book, Tate's character is named as Kate and the "nice" worker as Ellen. (Listed as "How Much/How Many" on DVD).
In Series Two, Ellen became more aware of material that Kate would use for her "Have a guess!" games, and often knew the correct answer before being asked. Unfortunately, this irritated Kate even more than usual, and during the course of this series she poured a drink over Ellen's head, trashed her desk and spat in her hair.
[edit] Elaine Figgis
Elaine is a woman who appeared in a documentary, following her life corresponding with people around the world, via the internet trying to find love. Series One followed her engagement and eventual marriage to a convicted cannibal and lunatic on Death Row in the US, who abducted, tortured and murdered eight people, eating two of them. Elaine had met Jerry over the internet, had never met him, but remained positive about his crimes and continued to declare her love for him. Elaine even went out to Texas, to the prison in order to marry him, where the service lasted about five seconds. Elaine stated that the wedding ceremony had to be short as they couldn't gauge the amount of sedative to give him. In another sketch, Elaine lit a candle to represent Jerry's life, to be blown out at the precise time of his execution, eventually realizing that the United States were six hours behind Britain, and that she had made an effort for the wrong time.
In Series Two, Elaine appeared for one episode, and was still using the Internet to find potential lovers. She had recently found a new love, Mohammed who was Egyptian, twenty-four and sold spices outside Luxor Temple. Unfortunately, her new boyfriend, Mohammad, ended up conning her and taking her savings.
In Series Three she had given up on finding love online. Instead she attempted to have a baby with the aid of a sperm donor, but unfortunately her missed periods turned out to be the start of the menopause.
In a special sketch for Comic Relief, James Bond actor Daniel Craig appeared as himself in a sketch with Elaine Figgis. He was another boyfriend that Elaine had met over the internet and had moved in with her. Throughout the entire sketch, Elaine was most oblivious as to who he was and his famous role as James Bond. She admitted that she thought he was lying about being an actor, with the sketch ending in the splitting of their relationship.
[edit] The Aga Saga Woman
An upper middle class English woman who went into a state of shock in various, seemingly harmless, situations. For example, she received a phone call from her husband's European personal assistant where she had to tell her children that "daddy hasn't been able to find any good brie" on his business trip to France. They feared that they'd be laughed upon at the Parisian picnic at school because they didn't have the correct cheese. She also panicked at the thought of having to use a dishwasher when an egg cleaver fell onto the floor, meaning that Chloe couldn't open her egg which couldn't breathe and may have discoloured. Because of this, everyone panicked and could only phone the house-keeper to wash the cleaver in the dishwasher. She also dreaded the thought of going shopping to the supermarket by herself. The title of the sketch is a pun on the stereotype of the pretentious middle classes having an Aga oven at home. The Aga Saga Woman is named as "Mrs Montgomery" in Series Two but in Series Three this is retconned to "Mrs Taylor - Thomas".
In Series Two, she went into a state of shock and terror after a Northern nanny had to look after her children. "Mummy" did forewarn the children that the agency arranged for a step-in nanny (as Alice was ill), and that she feared that the nanny may from Sunderland (pronounced by them as "Sunder-land"). Jill Halfpenny guest starred as the Northern nanny.
In Series Three, she sent everyone at her children's school sports day into a panic when she found out the eggs being used in the egg and spoon race were not organic, and became terrified at the prospect of having to use a hired car while her Land Rover was being repaired. She and her children were disturbed when they took a wrong turn and ended up driving in Tottenham (pronounced by them as "Totten-ham") where they were traumatised when they saw the supermarket Iceland, saw that nobody was wearing Brogues and when someone cleaned their windscreen at the traffic lights. On another occasion they evacuated a picnic after one of the children's friends accidentally consumed a gooseberry and cinnamon yoghurt that was twenty-four hours past its sell by date. She seemed to believe that encounters with lower-middle class or anything less than perfect would prove fatal, a trait which she had evidently passed on to her children, apparent due to catchphrases such as "We're all going to die!" and "Please don't kill us!"
[edit] Derek Faye
Derek, who first appeared in Series Two, was a man who showed several signs of being gay (combining mannerisms of famous gay British comedians such as Kenneth Williams and Frankie Howerd), but seemed to be in denial about his sexuality and became extremely offended and defensive when people assumed he was gay. To his dislike, these occurrences were frequent, due to the fact he behaved in an extremely effeminate way. His most famous catchphrase was "How very dare you!", along with the overuse of the word "dear". This can be seen in another catchphrase; when asked about his sexuality he replied "Gay, dear? Who, dear? Me, dear? No, dear!". When offended, Derek would state how he and his mother have been doing an action relative to the person Derek is insulted by. In one sketch with Bonnie Langford, he ranted "25 years, Mother and I have been following your career and you come out with this!?" Derek would often use the word "impertinent" to describe the person who had unintentionally offended him.
In Series Three, Derek still battled with the problem of everyone he met assuming he is gay. He became particularly offended when, while on holiday in Spain with his male companion Leonard Mincing, a taxi driver offered to take them to a Hawaiian-themed gay bar called "Homolulu". As stated above, Bonnie Langford also appeared in one of his sketches, where he ended up giving her one of his infamous rants after she casually mentioned that she had many other "gay fans".
[edit] Irene and Vern
Irene and Vern first appeared in Series Two. They were the owners of a mobile burger van situated on the side of a motorway. During their sketches they were visited by a regular customer called Neville (played by Brian Murphy) whom Irene tried to convince that she and Vern had been visited by very famous celebrities. When Neville appeared, Irene would never know the name of this famous celebrity in question and would always attempt to try and describe them. She once said when trying to describe Madonna; "That big blonde woman off the telly." Irene also claimed that they were visited by former Soviet premier Mikhail Gorbachev and Desmond Tutu.
In Series Three, with little change from the last series, Irene tried to convince her regular customer Neville that she and Vern had met ABBA, Condoleezza Rice and even Henry VIII of England who, according to Irene, did not die over 400 years ago but was renting a bungalow in Hemel Hempstead and was seen by her on a bike ride with Anne of Cleves. It became apparent that Irene's stories of these celebrity visits were untrue, due to when she professed Henry VIII of England had made a surprise visit, who is actually dead. Vern, who normally has no lines, was given a speaking part for the first time, when he simply told Irene to "Shut up."
[edit] Janice and Ray
A Northern couple who expressed their disgust at meals they had been presented with at restaurants. Their disgust was based on the perceived over-pricing or the exotic nature of the food. They were also shocked at the food being available in Britain, due to comments such as "This were in Harrogate." After complaining about the food and prices, they used their catchphrase: "The dirty bastards!" or sometimes "The evil dirty robbing bastards!" The foods that Janice and Ray expressed disgust at were; shiitake mushrooms (pronounced shit ache mushrooms), brie and grapes in cheese sandwiches, vegetable tempura (described as battered vegetables) and escargots.
In Series Three, Ray was no longer played by Derren Litten (who did not work on this series) but continued to use the same phrases: "Famous last words", "Listen to this". Their catchphrase became slightly modified to fit the situation, for example "The evil, dirty, raw fish-guzzling bastards!" when complaining about being offered sushi, or "The dirty, robbing, lactose intolerant bastards!" after telling the story of being served coffee with milk substitute.
[edit] Geordie Georgie
A frequent petitioner, who constantly tried to get her co-worker, Martin, to sponsor her charities with facts such as "Every 38 minutes ..." then followed her statements up with "If you don't believe me then log on to the website ...". The scenes for this sketch followed the same pattern. Georgie would come into the office and start singing happily, with Martin joining in, and then ask Martin how his weekend went. Martin would talk about his daughter Michaela which would prompt Georgie to feel concerned about her but then talk abusively about her. Georgie would then request to borrow something on his desk, for example "can I borrow your nice lime green highlighter?" She then described her latest fund-raising effort and asked him to sponsor her. He always offered a modest donation then made at least one small increase, but after several futile attempts to get him to donate yet more money, she said "Let's say no more about it because I wouldn't want it to come between us pet." then attacked him in a manner that has something to do with the cause she was championing (for example, she sprayed him all over with cleaning fluid after he refused to pay out as much as she'd like for sufferers of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).
She also tried to raise money for victims of sexual harassment, domestic violence, alcoholism and sex addiction as well as for dwarves and Africans, but claimed she "couldn't be less interested" when Martin asked her to donate to a fundraiser of his own. She made an appearance in a sketch made for Comic Relief. During the sketch, Martin still offered a modest amount of money for Georgie's charity, but upon Lenny Henry raising money for Comic Relief, he promptly wrote a cheque for £150. This prompted Georgie to shred it in the shredder that she had previously borrowed from Martin, before head butting Lenny Henry. Tate stated on This Morning that Georgie was her favourite new character.
[edit] Minor characters
[edit] Information Woman
The information woman worked at a help desk in a shopping centre. When shoppers asked for her assistance, she would misunderstand them or mistakenly believe that they were trying to engage in friendly conversation with her.
[edit] Bunty Carmichael
Bunty was the over-aged majorette. A woman who insisted on being allowed to perform in a children's majorettes team, as there was no upper age limit. Her obsession with the club resulted in the owner Geoff, contacting the police and obtaining a restraining order. A running gag in this sketch was when Bunty left the pub, she would play a song on the jukebox which reflected her current feelings. In one sketch, after being rejected by Geoff, she played All By Myself by Eric Carmen.
[edit] Botox Babe/Boob Job Babe
This sketch featured an actress who does a perfectly normal acting scene one day, but on the following day when it comes to do the same shot, has changed her appearance drastically. In Series One she appeared with massive lips, obviously having had injections of collagen. In Series Two she appeared a second day with enhanced breasts. Nobody was concerned about the continuity of the shots apart from the other actor.
[edit] Not Drunk Enough Woman
Claire who made only one appearance, was a woman whose boyfriend tried to get her to invite him indoors for sex after their date, but she insists she "just isn't drunk enough". Despite his efforts to remedy the situation (even suggesting she have alcohol fed into her body intravenously) she told him that even though she is so drunk she can hardly stand, is dying of alcohol-related liver damage and went to Oktoberfest where she was arrested for drunken behaviour, she still can't get drunk enough to find him attractive.
[edit] Frightened Woman
Margaret was a woman who screamed with terror at quiet, everyday noises. Some things that Margaret screamed at were her own hiccups, a birthday card, a post-it note and Christmas tree lights. Her husband would sometimes warn Margaret of something which may cause her to scream, but after she was adamant she was fine, she would scream anyway. Catherine later revealed that she based this character on her mother.
[edit] The Enigmatic Cop
Amanda was a detective who came up with bizarre theories at crime scenes, to the surprise and frustration of her assistant, Whittaker. She once concluded that the world is a figment of someone's imagination and once asked for Whittaker to shoot her so that she could confirm that a bullet to the heart is enough to kill. When Whittaker refused to shoot her, she became disappointed as she thought Whittaker had been "making progress".
[edit] New Parents
Karen and Ben were the new parents who would do anything to stop their newborn baby from waking up, including refusing to leave their car to attend a birthday dinner. They frequently argued, but switched to happy singing if their child started to cry.
[edit] Valley Girl
Valley Girl was an American woman who started every sentence with the words "and I'm like...", and "and he's like". She appeared three times in episode three of Series One.
[edit] The Drunk Estate Agent
An estate agent who made only one appearance. She arrived at a property drunk and offended both the owner and prospective buyers, accusing one man of being homosexual; "You know what they say about a man who likes a bit of chrome in his kitchen, he likes a bit of cock up his arse" before she passed out.
[edit] The Backhander Woman
An at-first peaceful looking woman who suddenly switched voice tone and personality when she advised complete strangers to violently attack people who were irritating or confusing them and give them "one swift backhander" to teach them a lesson. She then would switch back to complete politeness.
[edit] Last Hit Woman
Sandra was a businesswoman who started a game of 'last hit' at the office. Sandra would go to great extremes to ensure that she had the last hit. When her colleague Anthony was involved in a car accident as a result of the game, she was more interested in whether she has the last hit or not. Anthony later died of his injuries and when at the funeral, Sandra received a message from his wife saying "last hit", which made Sandra run to his grave screaming "last hit", as it meant that Anthony had the last hit.
[edit] Lady Clown
Jill, a trainee clown who constantly used her circus skills to talk about and convey a horrific car accident that she claimed to have been involved in. She complained of whiplash, painted a child's face to look like a crash victim, said that her trick flower reminded her of the flowers tied to a tree and complained that pieces of sliver paper reminded her of a shattered windscreen. She also used balloon to make a noose while the other clowns made animals. Her sketches were interspersed with those of the "last hit" woman throughout the course of one episode, suggesting that she may have been the driver who ran over Sandra's co-worker.
[edit] Tactless Woman
Allie was an extremely tactless woman, who despite meaning no harm, always managed to unintentionally offend people in one way or another, after being introduced to them at parties. After she had offended the person, she would become embarrassed and try to look for an escape from the conversation as quickly as possible, sometimes faking that someone had just spoken to her or sometimes spontaneously start singing and then quickly escape. During one sketch, Allie thought that a birth mark on someone's head was a mark left by their hat and that when a deaf person was using sign language to speak to his translator, Allie exclaimed "Film!", as she thought that they were playing charades. She also thought that an afro was someone's hat and that somebody's girlfriend was their mother. In an interview, Tate said that this character was partly based on herself.
[edit] Moo Shepherd
A dog trainer who resorted to strange and desperate methods to achieve success. In one sketch, Moo tortured her dog when she sent an electric pulse through her body, in order to make her behave. Unfortunately, her dog, Lady Penelope ended up coming last at an important contest. We also saw Moo holding a dog training class, where the class attendants were not allowed to bring their dogs, but had to imagine that their dogs were attached to their leads.
[edit] DI Angie Barker
A policewoman who is a single mother and brought her children with her to an unpleasant crime scene. Whilst at the crime scene, her children played with a dead body, where they painted on cat whiskers and poked it with sticks. This barely fazed DI Angie Barker where she casually ordered someone to put the body back to its previous state.
[edit] Victoria Russell
Victoria was a drunk bride who insulted her new husband and his family in a memorable wedding speech. During her speech she blatantly embarrassed her husband John, and even admitted to several affairs, in front of him and all their guests. At one point in a sketch, she forgot her husband's name and just referred to John as "him". Then, to end her long and drunken speech, she said: "And finally propose a toast, to me, and all who sail in me." She appeared several times in the fourth episode of the second series. At the end of the sketches, Victoria was seen intoxicated and passed out, alone in the dark ball room.
[edit] Sandra Kemp
A woman who lived in a world where "gingers" are ostracised from society and was sent to "Russet Lodge"; a refuge for redheads, under police protection. She appeared several times in one episode of Series Two, then in the next series returned with her campaign group "Gingers For Justice" taking a stand against the public, who eventually decided that gingers are allowed back in to civilisation. The Series Three sketches guest starred Patsy Palmer, where Palmer dressed as a battery (copper top) and protested with the other "gingers", who were themselves dressed as carrots and ginger biscuits. After the protest, it was revealed that a film was to be made of the "gingers" where Bonnie Langford would play Sandra.
[edit] Sheila Carter
An uptight, snobbish Scottish woman who thoroughly disapproved of the behaviour of everybody around her, before farting loudly and unashamedly. She did this in a funeral car, a taxi, whilst in confession at Church and at the cinema.
[edit] Annoying Waitress
Amanda was a perky waitress at the fictional BBJ's restaurant. She would greet customers with "I'm Amanda, but my friends call me Zebedee!" in an overly chirpy voice. After annoying diners with her loud and childish behaviour, she would jump into dance routines with her fellow workers after she took each order. During one sketch, she put on an Italian accent and used wooden spoon to speak to the diners, who only wanted to order a pizza. The diners could only look on in horror as the two employees both started dancing to a song after they had tried to place their order. Her ridiculous behaviour, almost always caused the diners to run off. Her usual catchphrase was: "I'm a fiery taurean with my moon in Uranus, careful I'll do the jokes."
[edit] Trudy and Ivan
Trudy and Ivan were the owners of an extremely successful wig emporium which many well-known celebrities used. When they invited a production crew into their workplace to make a documentary about them, they struggled to keep the names of their clients a secret, due to comments such as "If that jiffy bag doesn't get to Wembley Arena by 8pm, it'll be the first time Candle In The Wind has been sung in a crash helmet." There were also signs and double entendres which pointed towards Ivan being gay. Their secretary was played by Una Stubbs.
[edit] Crap Croupier
The sketch featured a croupier who was extremely unprofessional in her job. One sketch, saw a man gamble a lot of money on red, and then announced the ball landed on red. However, she then casually announced, whilst the group was celebrating, that it had in fact landed on black and not red, as the colours "sort of merge" while the wheel is spinning. She also took the ball away from the roulette wheel when the noise started to annoy her and another time the ball actually flew off the roulette board and said "It was probably red".
[edit] Ulster Mum
A gritty, hard-faced Northern Irish woman who, to the amazement of her son John (Kevin Trainor), was delighted for him and herself when he came out as gay. Even though he didn't want to be treated any differently, she obsessed over his sexuality, inviting him to give her fashion advice, look at pictures of men in magazines while he was trying to watch football, visit one of her friends, and go on a gay parade. The phrase she frequently used was "Have you heard about our John? He's a gay man now".
[edit] Life at Ma's
A parody of Life on Mars which featured Tate as Ma Willow, overbearing owner of the boarding house "Ma's" during the 1950s, who took in time-travelling policeman, Sam Speed, after he was hit by a car. Unfortunately, he often broke the conventions of that time period (such as being a non-smoking, politically-correct vegetarian).
[edit] Helen Marsh the "I can do that" woman
A woman who claimed "I can do that!" when her friends and colleagues were in search of people with specific skills. For instance, in one episode, her colleague needed someone to practise tennis with, and Helen happily accepted to assist her, implying that she could play tennis brilliantly. However, she was abysmal at tennis and hit the balls way out of the court into a group of trees. In another sketch, she claimed she could speak seven languages for a conference, and proceeded to "translate" into nonsensical sounds that were based on linguistic stereotypes. Three more examples included the themes of drumming, curling, and salsa dancing. Jools Holland appeared in one of her sketches.
[edit] Laura Powers
A bungling spy who was called in to assist the American government with a top secret mission involving terrorists (in a direct parody of thriller series 24), but was so inept at trying to use a computer keyboard that she caused a communications failure which blew the entire exercise (literally, as the terrorists blew up their hostages). It appeared that she knew nothing of computers.
[edit] Snack Food Woman
A woman who whilst out and about with different people, frequently excused herself to go and buy a bag of snacks, such as Nik Naks, Monster Munch or Mini Cheddars, only to return and find that some horrible disaster happened while she was away (including her boyfriend being killed in a building collapse and a friend who died in a drive-by shooting) before surveying the scene with mild surprise whilst munching on her crisps.
[edit] Frankie Howerd Impressionist
An actress, who when she comes to a critical point in the scene she is acting, does a Frankie Howerd impression. However, she claimed that she didn't realize she was doing this very obvious impression, even though she actually said words and moved physically to sound and look like Frankie Howerd. She acted totally oblivious to what she was doing.
