Statler & Waldorf

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For the electronic music duo, see Statler & Waldorf (musicians)
For the student-run magazine, see Statler & Waldorf (magazine)
Waldorf (left) and Statler
Waldorf (left) and Statler

Statler & Waldorf are the names of a pair of muppet characters. They are a pair of grumpy old men who first appeared in the television series The Muppet Show heckling the rest of the cast from their balcony seats. They appeared in almost every episode of the show. In Muppets Tonight, based around a television show rather than a theatre, they were shown watching the show at a nursing home but still making rude comments. In The Muppet Show, the two were always insulting Fozzie's poor jokes, except for one occasion where Fozzie, with help from Bruce Forsyth, heckled them back. Statler & Waldorf's running joke was that, despite constantly complaining about the show and how terrible the acts were, they would always be back the following week in the best seats in the house. Reportedly, Jim Henson based the two after two University of Maryland professors, Edward Strickling and John Axley, who told him as a college student that he ought to think about getting a real job in case the puppet thing did not work out.

Statler & Waldorf are named after posh New York City hotels, the Statler Hotel and the idiosyncratically named Waldorf-Astoria Hotel. Waldorf's wife, Astoria, is Statler's sister (and is portrayed as the Statler muppet in drag), making the two brothers-in-law.

In the pilot episode of The Muppet Show, Statler & Waldorf were performed by Jerry Nelson and Jim Henson; subsequently they were performed by Richard Hunt and Jim Henson. Beginning with The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992), they were performed by Jerry Nelson and Dave Goelz.

Statler & Waldorf also appeared (as adults) in the Saturday morning animated television series Jim Henson's Muppet Babies. Both characters were voiced by Dave Coulier. Unlike all other adults who visit the nursery in that series, Statler & Waldorf's faces are shown; this was more than likely due to the fact that the characters were not created for the animated series and already had faces.

Both made an appearance in "Marvel Team-Up #74". In this issue Spider-man teams up with the cast of Saturday Night Live to battle the Silver Samurai. Statler & Waldorf appear in typical style as hecklers on a balcony.

They also made an appearance on the animated television show Family Guy. In the episode "Petergeist", they watch Lost with Peter and Lois from a balcony. After Peter comments on the great episode they just watched, Statler says "Well, at least the show's got the right name." Waldorf wraps up by saying "Yeah, I couldn't follow any of it!" and the two burst into laughter. Peter then remarks about them "They don't care for most things.".

A joke was made about the duo's nature in The Muppet Christmas Carol, where they played Jacob and Robert Marley. When Ebenezer Scrooge accuses them of always criticising him, they reply "We were always heckling you." "It's good to be heckling again." "It's good to be doing anything again!"

A second joke about the duo's constant complaints was made on The Daily Show in the days before the 2003 Invasion of Iraq. Jon Stewart played a clip of Prime Minister Tony Blair being "harrumphed" in the Parliament of the United Kingdom by the opposition as Blair was trying to justify his government's support of the war. Stewart then remarked that the British tradition of harrumphing was started in the 17th century by the Duke of Statler and the Earl of Waldorf.

In one episode of The Muppet Show they started heckling the opening number before it even started. Kermit decided to cancel it when Waldorf (sarcastically) guessed what it was: a Chinese gorilla dancing ballet. They were then allowed to perform an opening number of their own. After performing it, they were suddenly sitting on their usual balcony as if they'd teleported back during the applause. Waldorf then asked "Why can't they do numbers like that?" When Kermit remarked that they just did, the duo started to criticize it.

The duo was parodied in a Madtv's "Sesame Street" sketch involving Big Bird being infected with the Bird Flu. They appear at the end of the sketch in which Statler says "We'll be getting letters on that one." to which Waldorf remarks: "As if anyone who watches this show can write."

Contents

[edit] From the Balcony

In 2005, Statler & Waldorf began appearing in online shorts for Movies.com. These shorts, entitled "Statler & Waldorf: From the Balcony", feature the pair reviewing recent films. Each episode normally consists of two movie reviews, a backing storyline, a guest appearance from The Muppet Show and a "Balconism" (explained below). It is believed that the full names of the two are Jason D. Statler and Jon D. Waldorf, named after the founders of the Statler and Waldorf hotels. One backing storyline featured Statler facing a tax problem and a visit from the IRS. Strangely, when he receives the warning letter at the beginning of the episode, he believes it to be a piece of fan-mail from a woman named Iris.

Guest appearances happen around the middle of the episode. They consist of another famous face from the show, who carries out an act on the heckler's show. One of the funniest was an appearance by the Swedish Chef. The chef snips up some jeans and places them in a bowl, adding a daisy, alcohol, milk and sugar. He then proceeds to mix, stir and taste before revealing perfectly trimmed Daisy Dukes. Statler then announces that he is wearing a pair of the Daisy Dukes, only for Waldorf to say 'Oh I did not get cataract surgery to see that!'. Other guest appearances include Dr. Teeth and Animal, Mr. Movie, Rowlf the Dog and most frequently Pepe the Prawn.

[edit] Quotes

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  • - What was that?
- It's called the medium sketch.
- The medium sketch?
- Yeah, it wasn't rare, and it certainly wasn't well done.
  • - Do you suppose they have any life on other planets?
- What do you care? You don't have any life on this one.
  • - Well, shall we call it a night?
- Might as well. Certainly wouldn't call it a show.
  • - How do they do it?
- How do we watch it?
- Why do we watch it?
- Why do you watch it?
  • - Have you ever thought there must be a life after death?
- Every time I leave this theatre.
  • - Gonzo: It's about mind over matter...
- Well, we don't mind, and you don't matter!
  • - [Waldorf is asleep. Statler wakes him up.]
- Hey, you old fool! You slept through the show.
- Who's the fool? You watched it.
  • - Well, Waldorf, they finally made it to Broadway.
- Yup, and I already got tickets.
- You did? Are they good seats?
- They sure are, they're for the next train out of town!
  • - Yeah, that was different. Lousy...
- (in unison) ...but different!
  • - How do you like the movie so far?
- I've seen detergents leave a better film than this...!
  • - I liked that last number.
- Why?
- Because it was the LAST number!
  • - What was that about?
- (Looks at his watch) That was about, uh, a minute-and-a-half.
  • - That joke is so old, it makes you look young!
  • - Yeah, I liked that.
- What? YOU... LIKED... THAT?! (kicks the other one a couple of times)
- No... I just wanted to see what you did if I said I did.
- The question is, who cares?
  • - Why did they want the igloo?
- I don't know. Maybe somebody must have broken their ig.
  • - That seemed like something very different.
- Did you like it?
- No.
- Then it wasn't different.
  • - You know, the older I get, the more I appreciate good music.
- What's that got to do with what we just heard?
- Nothing, just thought I'd mention it.
  • - That number scared the pants off of me.
- Are you sure you didn't just forget to put them on?
  • - This show brought a tear to my eye...
- Really?
- Yeah, I'm sitting on a tack.
  • - Just when you think this show is terrible, something wonderful happens.
- What?
- It ends.
  • - Ah, there's nothing like grand opera.
- And that was nothing like it.
  • - These seats are awful.
- Why? Can't you see anything?
- That's the problem. I can see everything.
  • - This show is awful!
- Terrible!
- Disgusting!
- See you next week?
- Of course.
  • - I have a good mind to go home.
- If you had a good mind, you wouldn't be here in the first place.
  • - Well, the show is moving very quickly tonight.
- Oh, yes, someone must have told them that it's harder to hit a moving target.
- That was the speech?
- It was dumb.
- It was obvious.
- It was pointless.
- It was...Short.
- [unison] I loved it!
  • - Do you think we'll be entertained tonight?
- Well I will... I brought a book!
  • - That was wonderful!
- Bravo!
- I loved that!
- Ah, that was great!
- Well, it was pretty good.
- Well, it wasn't bad ...
- Uh, there were parts of it that weren't very good though.
- It could have been a lot better.
- I didn't really like it.
- It was pretty terrible.
- It was bad.
- It was awful!
- It was terrible!
- Take 'em away!
- Bah, boo!
- Boo!
  • - Boo!
- Boooo!
- That was the worst thing I ever heard!
- It was terrible!
- Horrendous!
- Well, it wasn't that bad.
- Oh yeah?
- There were parts of it I liked.
- Yeah, I liked a lot of it.
- Yeah, it was good, actually.
- It was great!
- It's wonderful!
- Ah, bravo!
- More!
- More!
- More!
- More!
  • - Brilliant!
- Weh... that was terrible.
- Oh it was good.
- Nah, that was very bad.
- Well, it was average.
- Weh... it was in the middle there.
- Ah, it wasn't that great.
- I kind of liked it.
- It was terrible.
- I loved it!
- Get 'em off!
- More!
  • - Encore! Encore!
- Quiet! They might hear you!
  • - You know, this show really improves with age!
- Why? Because the jokes get better?
- No, because my hearing gets worse!
- Well, when could you take him seriously?
- Good question!
- Why, because there's a Confederate flag on top of the car?
- Nope, because Jessica Simpson has a speaking part!
- Well, I can relate to this film. Last week when I got home, a complete stranger was in the living room.
- Oh. Was it a ghost?
- Nope. I went to the wrong house again.
  • - Fozzie- Oh come on, didn't you even like my last joke?
- Sure we liked it, if you promise it's your last one!
  • - Oh well, at least its over now
- What are you talking about, its only just beginning!
- Oh why are we doomed to suffer? And why are those people watching voluntarily?!
  • - Wingardo Expecto Disappearo!
- What are you doing?
- I'm trying to make this movie disappear
- Oh, try harder!
  • - Dukes of Hazzard looks like it has some great chase sequences and car stunts. Think of it as NASCAR with attractive people
- I don't know, you know you're in trouble when the best movie performance is given by the car!
  • - Yeah. If it's sold out, I'll have to go see something old that I'm already sick of
- What like Monster-in-Law?
- No like you!
  • - Why do we always come here?
- I guess we'll never know
- It's like a kind of torture...
- (in unison) ...to have to watch this show!
  • - How come all your impressions sound the same?
- Fozzie- I can't help that, they were all written by the same writer
- He's got a point there
- Yeah, on his head!
- Yeah, but it sure got wounded pretty bad tonight
  • - Fantastic, incredible, they remind me a lot of puppets
- Ugh. Puppets, I always hated puppets
- You're a traitor to your class
- What class, I never even graduated!
  • - Fozzie- And tonight, I'm going to try and put something new in my act
- Yeah, like comedy maybe!
  • - That was a great number, I've always liked pantomime.
- That wasn't pantomime, your hearing aid's busted again!
  • - (In unison and crying) WHY US!!!
  • - Terrific!
- Ah, that's not clever. Anyone can drop their pants. ("Pants dropping" sound)
- (Looks down on boxers) I didn't know you were Lithuanian.
  • - Uh-oh. Better get out your old army uniform.
- Yes. With a 108 angry countries, there's bound to be trouble.
- I don't know. I never get up that early.
  • - You know, I really liked that.
- Me too.
- Are we in the right theatre?
  • - Shakespeare would've hate that!
- You oughta know, you dated his sister!
- ...Boy, was she ugly.
  • - (Gonzo has performed a dangerous stunt and hurt himself)
- Maybe Gonzo should quit while he's ahead.
- Maybe Gonzo should quit while he's alive!
  • - That song had a nice beat.
- No thank you, I don't want to eat.
- I said beat! Why don't you turn up your hearing aid?
- There's going to be a raid? Let's get out of here!
  • - Hey he just tried to drown us! What kind of act is that?
- An act of mercy!
  • - (When asked about an episode of Lost during a cameo on Family Guy.)
- Well I thought it was a very appropriate title.
- Yeah, I couldn't follow anything!

[edit] Balconisms

Balconisms are cleverly concocted mixtures of words that all have a special meaning to which they are comically linked. There is one Balconism per episode.

  • Dej-HAH-vu: it's when you've already seen all of the funny parts of a movie in the trailer.
  • KILL-dren: those kids in horror movies; and they're not cute.
  • Expenda-BILL: the nameless character who always goes on secret missions and is always the first to die.
  • COUGH-in: when you see a main character cough in the first few minutes of a movie, and you know they'll be dead by the end.
  • Doggie-DAR: the innate ability of the family dog to sense an evil man in their company even when the humans are completely oblivious.
  • TRAVOLTED: when one key film role rescues an actor's career from years of struggle and puts them back on the map.
  • Lucky BLAST-ard: the main character of an action movie who can run, jump, swim or drive just one step faster than the fireball of a huge explosion.
  • Prev-EULOGY: when movie studios cram the whole movie into the preview and kill any chance of you going to see it.
  • CON-mercial: when the studio puts out a misleading trailer, that cons you into the theatre.
  • Coinci-DANCE: when the music starts playing, all the players begin a perfectly choreographed dance that they all know.
  • BLONDE-tourage: in a teenage movie, the cool blonde girl is usually surrounded by several bitsy sidekicks who will do anything she says.
  • WEAK-quel: a sequel that comes so long after the first movie that nobody cares anymore.
  • HACK-tors: cut-rate actors who replace big stars in cheap sequels to their hit movies.
  • YULE LOG-jam: a glut of big movies that comes out right around Christmas.
  • Fluctu-WEIGHT: when an actor gains or loses a large amount of weight to suit an upcoming role.
  • WIN-jury: usually the star of a sports movie who receives an injury that hurts his ability to play. But in the end he overcomes it and finds a way to win.
  • Romantic KARMA-dy: where the main character unexpectedly finds love while helping others with their relationships.
  • It's OVER-ture: the music they play at the awards show when they want you to shut up and get off the stage.
  • PROM-blematic: in a teenage comedy, when most of the problems come back to the characters.
  • ACT-lete: an athlete who attempts to act in movies but really should just stick to their sport.
  • Hide and SEQUEL: when actors makes sure they won't be found in the sequels to their previous movies.
  • PET-amorphosis: a movie character suddenly finds himself turned into the family pet.
  • THESPIAN-age: an award winning actor who's cast as a villain in a spy thriller.
  • LAUGHTER-math: the aftermath of a disaster movie is so laughable, it practically ruined the whole film.
  • Opening FREAK-end: a horror movie's release date coincides with its subject matter.
  • STARING wheel: when someone driving a car in the movie ends up staring at the passenger instead of watching the road.
  • Armed FARCES: the army is rendered useless in a Sci-Fi or action movie, and the true hero turns out to be an average Joe.
  • Yo HO HUM: how Hollywood felt about pirates movie before the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise became such a big hit.
  • MAD-aptation: when a TV show is adapted into a movie, but it stinks so much it angers the loyal fans.
  • HELL-titude: a horror film that takes place at a high altitude (e.g. mountain, plane,)
  • In-FAD-uation: when Hollywood tries to make money by doing movies about the latest cultural trends.
  • FLICK-tion: a modern day high school flick that loosely based on a classical work of fiction.
  • POP-coronary: a medical condition that develops when you see how expensive things are at the concession stand.
  • OS-carred: when a person is unable to get anymore work after winning an Oscar.

[edit] External links

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