Star Wreck (story series)
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Star Wreck by Chuck Seggelin and Thomas King are Star Trek parodies written in the mid-to-late 1990's and published on Chuck Seggelin's now-defunct website. The series is written in the form of a script for television.
The opening lines of each story begins in this fashion:
Space, the funny frontier... these are the misadventures of the Starship Denterprise. Its five year mission: to conquer strange new worlds, to exploit new life and new civilizations, to blindly go where no one in their right mind has gone before!
[edit] Cast of Characters
The Denterprise crew consists of the following characters:
Captain James T. Jerk- Scarfleet's newest captain, he is in charge of a motley collection of characters of varying incompetence and weirdness. Captain Jerk (a parody of Captain Kirk) has a sensitive stomach, hates green peppers on his pizza, and has a fondness for phasering crewmembers into unconsciousness when they get too far out of line. Probably the least incompetent of the crew. His love interest is Nurse Nipple.
Commander Spaz- Half Vulcan and half Chinese, the Denterprise's first officer and science officer is in his current position largely because his mother, Amanda Lai-Mi, is an admiral in Scarfleet. Despite his loftly Spock-like facade, he is incompetent, emotional, arrogant, and rather wussy. Spaz is the equivalent of Spock. His love interest is Lt. Tumora.
Dr. Lenny 'Stones' Lavoy- Chief Medical Officer of the Denterprise and the parody of Dr. McCoy. His primary interest in being a physician is easy access to the hoard of prescription medicines the ship's sickbay carries. Aside from a strong and somewhat deviant sexuality, he devotes his awake time to chemically altering his moods, voyeurism, and running the current-events gambling on the ship. His main lady is Nurse Luce.
Lt. Commander Montgomery Snot- Going by the name "Snotty", Snot is the Denterprise's chief engineer. Although competent in the field of engineering, Snot suffers from a severe case of narcolepsy which results in frequent bouts of random sleep, usually at an inopportune time. He wears a kilt in his family colors and insists on going commando while wearing it, which results in at least one full-contact mishap for Commander Spaz. His love interest is Maura Jerk, Captain Jerk's sister.
Lt. Donita Tumora- Like Lt. Uhura of "Star Trek", Tumora serves double duty as the token female and ethnic minority on the Denterprise's bridge. Although competent in her duties as communication officer, Tumora has zero career ambition. Described as voluptuous, Tumora is also extremely sexual, nearly to the point of nymphomania and is bisexual. He main (but far from only) love interest is Commander Spaz.
Ensign Lazwunza Lulu- The ship's navigation and helm officer, Ensign Lulu is the parody of Mr. Sulu. Like most of the crew, Lulu is petty, argumentative, and incompetent. His main love interest is Ensign Chokeoff; however he is also bisexual and later falls in love (or at least lust) with Admiral Amanda Lai-Mi.
Ensign Nahvel Chokeoff- The Denterprise's tactical officer, Chokeoff is a parody of Mr. Chekov. Chokeoff is a transvestite, preferring to dress in women's uniform during duty hours. He has delusions of adequacy and is eager for a chance to command the Denterprise, a circumstance that Captain Jerk avoids at all cost. His main squeeze is Ensign Lulu.
Nurse Cherie Nipple- Described as a 'blond bombshell', Nurse Nipple is the parody of Nurse Chapel. She is far more competent than Dr. Lavoy in the medical field and in fact does most of the doctoring in sickbay. She is dating Captain Jerk but has known to have bisexual affairs with Lt. Tumora.
Nurse Lisa Luce- Another nurse in sickbay, she complements Lavoy's freaky sexuality with her own bondage-and-discipline attitude.
Yeoman Janice Rammed- Another blond bombshell, Yeoman Rammed is a parody of Yeoman Rand. She serves occasionally on the bridge and is the object of Spaz's mostly-unreturned lust.
Ensign Pia Nutbutter- a secondary character who serves on the bridge occasionally.
Ensign Anne Geli- Another secondary bridge character and Nutbutter's friend.
Ensign Leslie Redshirt- a general-purpose character that usually draws menial work, he is a parody of the Star Trek "redshirt" phenomenon. Ironically he does not die in the series, but he is the target of Jerk's wrath (phaser-induced and otherwise) on numerous occasions.
Bruiser McGursky- A stereotypical all-muscle-no-brains type of person, McGursky is good natured and used when size, strength, and a lack of initiative is needed.
Admiral Tutite- The Denterprise is one of the ships of his command in Scarfleet. Admiral Tutite flies his flag from the Scarfleet vessel Squirt. He has an unintentional sexual affair with Chokeoff when the latter was dressed as a woman and going as "Miss Duble Take".
Malukka- The ship's cook, Malukka is possibly the worst cook ever. He speaks broken and profane English.
Pierre LeChat- The head waiter, LeChat speaks with a strong French accent and customarily wears a necklace made of rat heads.
Ensign Nowyu Seemee- A redshirt character who gets killed in Episode 4. His death is casually foretold during discussions about the landing party.
Ensign Hir Todai- Another redshirt character, Todai survives Episode 6, but at the end of the episode, during the celebration of his surviving the episode, he is killed by a giant disco ball.
